Hi Janna, welcome to the forum but sorry for the reason that you find yourself here because your Mom has cancer. I know at your age, the last thing you can ever imagine is that you would lose your Mom to cancer. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier for you, but there really isn't anything. We know that  in all probability, we will outlive our parents, and usually that is the case. For some of us though, we have them with us for so much longer than you will have your Mom. I'm so sorry. I hope you have people around you, family, friends, etc. to help you through this difficult time. You will get through this but it will be very hard. Come on to the forum any time and get support from the people on here. All of us are dealing with cancer at some level, and most of us understand the loss of a loved one with cancer.

Take care. Sending you a virtual hug.

Lorraine 

Hello Lorraine, 

Thanks for replying. I am so lucky so have a lovely husband and amazing family. We are all helping each other through this. I got in from the hospice yesterday and just cried hysterically. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning to face another day of this nightmare. The racing thoughts are a pain at night as I struggle to sleep. That's where this forum comes in handy. 

 It is impossible to explain how I feel. The main thing is just getting my head round it all. My mum has been a dog walker for the last 10 years. Just 4 months ago she was out walking for 4 hours a day. She has NEVER EVER smoked and always been the healthy. She was diagnosed about 2 months ago, and now she is dying. She has always been so fit doing her yoga every Wednesday night. It's just unbelievable how she has got something like this. It has all just happened so quickly. Now it's just awful watching her die so slowly. I spoke to the doctor today, he said she probably has 2 to 6 weeks to live. 

​I just can't believe my lovely little soul mate is dying. It just all feels so surreal. I am so close to my mum. Every day I was off work I was with her either dog walking, watching telly, drinking wine or just talking. We use to laughed hysterically at the telly together. Or cry at the animal rescue programmes. I can't believe we are never going to do that again. 

​I just don't even know what to think anymore. I am so exhausted,  so confused, angry and heartbroken. 

​I just don't know what to do. 

Janna 

Bless you janna. My heart goes out to you. I lost my mum on 23rd June and know exactly what you are going through. My mum was my soulmate and best friend and I can't imagine how life will be without her. Hold your mums hand, tell her you love her, tell her everything you want to say, leave nothing unsaid - you will find comfort in this later on. It's a very dark, scary and lonely place you find yourself in right now, but lean on your wonderful family and stay on the forum - I have found this a tremendous support. I wish there was more I could do or say to help you right now, it's awful but you will get through this.  In the end it was a blessing for my mum to pass as she suffered so much in the final days. May god give you strength to get through this. Virtual hugs, Maria xxxx

Thank you Maria,

That is exactly how I feel. I am really going to struggle without her. She is just such an amazing person. I cannot believe I have to say goodbye. Well knowing that you are getting though it Maria is reassuring. At the moment I just don't see how I will ever get over this. The future looks so bleak without my Mum.

Thanks for replying,

Janna xxx

Hi there, so sorry you are going through this. I lost my beautiful Mum on 17th June 2015 she was 69 years old  and I am really struggling at the moment. We only had the stomach cancer confirmed on 29th May. By the 2nd of June they were telling us it had spread to other organs. Two weeks later she died. I am still in shock and can't come to terms with it.  Like you Janna, I feel like I will not be able to get through this. I also am worried sick about my poor father who is heartbroken at losing his soulmate after 47 years of marriage. I feel like jumping off a bridge at the mo. Thinking of you and your pain. Big hugs Jo x

Oh Jo,

It is so shocking when it happens this quickly. My heart goes out to you and your Dad. My Dad is also struggling, my Mum took charge of all the finances and now my Dad has to take the reins on it all. He is so devastated, and heartbroken that his beloved wife is dying. He was in an absolute state the other day , talking about ending his own life ( not that he actually would). I have now realised how much he needs me.

I found that talking about the future helps alot.  Talking about him retiring earlier and downsizing seems to help. Sounds awful, like I am writing my Mum off. I am just trying to get him excited about the future. Just to help us through this. 

Jo, just think- this has happened to lots of people. If they can get through it so can we. I know, just like you I cant come to terms with what is happening.  My life feels so surreal, it is such a bizarre feeling. 

I sat with my Mum in the hospice today and she said ' I just want to get it over with and die'. It is awful watching her go through this.  I can't wait for her to be out of pain and at peace in the paradise that awaits us all. 

You will be fine Jo. Time takes the shock away, we will be fine. We can get through this nightmare- just like many have before us. 

Janna 

Xxxxxx 

To you all, 

I am so so sorry to hear all your sad news, my heart goes out to you all. I lost my dad to cancer exactly this time last year (I am 34). Everything that you say you are feeling is how I felt- shocked, scared, numb, in disbelief, don't know how life can go on etc. It is the hardest thing to go through and it will be tough, my life is now different but you do find a new  'normal.' I miss my dad everyday and still cannot believe he is not there when I go and visit my mum, but we have got through the year and have gone through all the tough days (e.g. fathers day/ christmas). If you had told me this time last year that I would be sitting here writing this and saying that you can come through it I wouldn't have believed you. My dad said that time heals...I will never get over not having my dad here but my mum, my sister and I have all pulled together with the strength from family and friends, we have enjoyed days out, laughs about the good times etc and although life is different it is amazing where we get our strength from. My mum has focused on getting jobs done in the house and I think that has helped her with having things to do. 

Please do not go through it alone, you will find the strength, say what you need to say and no matter what, your parents will always be a part of who you are, they will be with you everyday- in the things that you say or do. 

Lots of love and hugs, 

Emma xxx

Hi Jenna.

i am sorry to hear about your mum she sounds like a wonderful lady. I am 20 and my mum 48 and we are too bestfriends and her cancer is now back and secondary so I understand your pain, fear, anger and scared. I don't have any answers but if you wish to chat I am here.

samantha xx

Hi Janna,can I just start by saying I am so sad for you and wish you my best. Cancer is such a clever and awful diesease.  I am 36 and my mum 66. I can relate to what you are going through even though I have had my mum a bit longer.  My mum had Lung cancer in 2013, they treated her curatively with chemo radiation. And it made her so I'll it was awful to watch. But it did the trick, they operated removed half her lung,  5ribs and her lumph nodes. She had no evidence of diesease after that op in 2014. One year on and it has recurred in her collarbone. Now they have said it is inoperable and aggressive. She is no longer curative and any treatment is life extending. They will try some chemo and send her for a possible clinical trial. I'm so sad I feel devastated and can't come to terms with it as she looks so well and is fit despite it all. She is in a lot of pain with her shoulder and the thought of her dying inevitably is killing me. What's worse is not knowing how long she has and not knowing how her illness will progress. I'm so confused and am dreading the coming year.  I know she has anywhere from 6 months to a year depending on treatment but her pain is worsening by the day. So I just don't know. Sometimes I see some people have trials and are still kicking about a couple of years later. I hope this is her case but they hve ave said its aggressive so I iust don't know.  Thinking of you Janna and your mum and family x 

Thank you for all your replies. It really helps hearing other stories. My heart goes out to you all. Cancer is just so awful.

 I do feel like I am never going to get through this. I do wonder how an earth I am going to cope without her. 

The nurse pulled my Dad aside yesterday and told him the family need to be on standby now. She is going to go any day now. She is totally out of it. Every day I say ' I just cannot believe this is happening'. My life feels so surreal. I really feel for my poor Mum going through this. It just isn't fair. 

Thank you for all your replies 

Janna 

Xx