Hello Cheryl; I am sorry about your mum.  My own mum died in hospital of cancer (some years ago now)and I to some extent was just a helpless bystander.  My mum was quite calm about it all; she never actually said to me "I know I am dying now" but she talked about seeing in dreams her two brothers who had died during World War 2 - as I said this was some years ago now and this was her way of telling us she knew what was happening and it was okay.  While she was still with us I could cope as she was so calm; she had written down her wishes for funeral hymns and she had no fears of dying which was a blessing.  Of course it was a different matter once she died; like everyone else who has lost a parent we had never known life without her love and guidance.  But we had to look after our father who was totally heartbroken.  Fortunately we were all able to talk about things and stick together.  I know none of this helps you in your present distress but just wanted to say that people here know and sympathise with the emotions you are going through and hope you will come back here if you need to vent your feelings.

Hi Annieliz. My mother has accepted the fact that she's going to die but it's only now it's really starting to hit home to me. She's talked about what it'll be like when she's not here but it's always been for me "in the future" and now it's happening. I really can't stand the thought of her dying in a hospital and just want her home. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare but it's good to know I'm not alone and our family and friends have supported each other through years of mum being treated so I'm fortunate enough to have them. When she got cancer the first time our lives came to a standstill, that's what this feels like, I've got that same sense of dread.