Thank you so much for responding Ive always be frightened of something happening when she was on her own and she was too I think this is where it stems from, I just pray she knew nothing about it.  Your kind words have helped very much, I wish you nothing but the best for the future xx 

Hi wee darling x Please please do not feel bad. My wee mum spent the past 18 months fighting this awful disease and I was working full time and also caring for her as well. She passed on the 13th of August and between my sister and I we always stayed overnight to make sure she was okay and looked after so she was not alone . On the day she passed the district nurses were in and explained  she was not too good . Then they went in her bedroom to collect their bags and came out white as a sheet and said she has passed when we were talking to you.... like u the guilt was terrible but to be truthful with you ...many people say they have had the same experience and our loved ones decide the time to go to save you from the pain of going over and over their last breath in your head x You could have been with your wee mammy 24:7 then went to the shops and it could have happened then x We spent the last day with my uncle for hours on end in hospital then decided to go home late at night. We just got the key in the door then the phone went and was told to come back to hospital as he had passed. This is our loved ones way of protecting us x So wee darling please do not look for reasons to beat yourself up this happens once too often for it to be a co incidence and that night your wee mum was protecting you before she passed xx

Sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, it is a year next month that I lost my mum to cancer and I could not be with her right when she died due to having two children, one a baby and being a single mum, I know that my mum would not be upset about that and totally understand, she was afterall my lovely mum who loved me, the same will be for yours, that really should never be something to blame yourself for, just try to feel whatever happened happened for the right reasons, maybe she preferred to go without you there to protect you from the upset. I also know you will like me replay a lot in your head of what happened to try and make sense of it, try not to be hard on yourself, there is no right or wrong, she knew you loved her thats all that matters xx