Hi there ... and so so sorry you lost your mum ... I had 2 other sister's when our mum passed ... and can't imagine how you do all that on your own, but I'm so glad you did have someone in these early days ... l can see your dreading her going back ... 

There's no easy way through that raw first year .. but I bet there's very few of us who don't wish we'd done something differently or said things while we had the chance ... that's part of being human ... but think how your mum would have been without you there in those last months ...

And as someone with cancer,  I loved normal .... otherwise everything in our lives revolve around cancer ... and you acting "normal" was a breath of fresh air not to have to talk about it ... so forgive yourself .. you did the best you could ... l bet she's very proud of her girl ...

Later when things settle, I found helping out and volunteering helped fill a hole in my life ... McMillan was really good ... I visited people with cancer who just wanted a chat ... and there's many other charities crying out for volunteers. . It won't take the pain away , but it does help to fill that space you need help with ... so sending you a big hug ... always here if you want someone to chat too ... Chrissie x

Hello again, Mrs Marvel. Sorry that your mum has now died.  Am I right in thinking this is your sister-in-law who came to help with your mum and has stayed on, bless her.  I can understand that you will feel at a loss when she has gone.  I think it might be a good idea if you kept in regular contact with your friends; now that you are on your own you - being human as we all are - need to have someone with whom you can discuss your thoughts and feelings - I bet you would do the same for them if the circumstances were reversed.  Previous to your mum becoming ill they probably thought that you were a nice little unit who took care of each other but now that your mum has gone you should try just talking to them generally about what you have been through.  When you feel able, Chrissie's suggestion of doing a bit of volunteering for MacMillan is a good one; it will be hard but not hard as your life will be if you feel left on your own with nobody to talk with.  You might find it helps to make a start by reading posts  here and chatting with the senders as you will understand what they are going through.    It will take time but it starts with small steps.  Please keep in touch if this helps you.  Annie

Hi. I'm sorry you have lost your mom. It's one of the hardest things to go through in life.

I'm still in the early days of losing my mom, and it still hurts a lot. My father died in September (we were estranged) and I have one sibling (who has 3 kids). But we aren't a close family, we get along ok, but don't call very often. When you are a non emotional family, it does make the death process super hard because while my mom was alive - I too kept trying to be normal. I mean, she was in a hospital for 5 months before she passed. She was always going through tests, and she was very anxious about it all. I took her mind off it all, and talked about what she wanted to talk about. Politics. It's what she loved to discuss most!

At first, I too wished that I'd said more. Was it cold to not have those kodak moments where we profess our love to each other? No. Because every family is different. Someone on this forum mentioned that you have to look at how you were as a whole, throughout your life. You can't base your entire relationship just on those last few weeks/months. Your mom most definitely loved hearing the gossip - even if now that feels wrong! You probably made her laugh! That's what she needed most. She knew you loved her. Actions speak louder than words. 

I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.

always here x

Hi, I'm going through a similar situation as well. My mum sadly passed away a few days ago and my dad passed away five years ago too. :(  I also feel confused and lonely, if you ever want to chat to anyone don't hesitate to message me. All I can say is don't ever think you're alone, you're brave and we can do this x

Hi, I was on Google just looking to see if there were other people in my situation who could maybe offer some new thoughts on it. I came across your post and I started an account just so I can reply. I really feel for you. My mum died of MND last May, and like you, she was my rock. I still have my dad and my brother but I feel the intense loneliness and aloneness. I wish I'd said more to her too, if only I'd known if was the last time I'd see her I wouldn't have been so wrapped up in myself. I just want you to know that you're not alone - there are others in the same place and feel exactly what you're feeling. You're not alone and never can be, even if you were a million miles away in a faraway galaxy. We are all sharing the human experience. x

Hello Seacar22, 

A big welcome to our forum! I just wanted to let you know that as MrsMarvel hasn't posted on the forum for a couple of years, it is possible she may not see your post but it was really nice of you to sign up on the forum just to get in touch with her and hopefully she will see it and reply to you. 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team - it must be really hard for you and your family. As you say, you are not alone so many here are grieving the loss of a loved one and will relate to what you said about the intense loneliness it can create. There is a useful page on our forum on Coping with Grief which I hope will be helpful to you and to others on this thread. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator