Hi there ... so sorry you find your self in this heartbraking dilema...

You don't say her age ... and I only ask this, because I had a grade 3 breast lump last year, with a mastectomy last July... because I was 63 at the time, with a lot of other health issues, I was sure I'd not go down the treatment roads .. because I knew they would leave me very poorly... l told my family this from the beginning ... I have seen so much of life, and been blessed to see my boys grow into men, with families of their own ... I was at piece with my decision ... although I am taking tamoxifen, for the foreseeable future ... my family have supported ever move I've made ... they have walked this journey of mine, holding my hand ... and I'm so greatfull they never pushed me into any thing l didn't want ..

I'm not saying one way or the other ... because if I'd not had health problems, and l was younger with a family still at home, I'd have had everything to get one more day to watch them grow up ..

Your mum has a grade 4 which has already spread ... if I were you I'd find out what the percentages were if she had it ... but saying that, the only one who can make this decision is her ... I weighed up all the pros and cons ... and my lymph nodes were clear ... since that day, I've taken every day as a bonus, be it long or short ... I try to make memories for those I love ... I live in the day ... I love the little things we take for granted, before cancer ... and there are a few on here pushing their terminal diagnosis past the post ... they all have grabbed every chance to go one more day ... a day at a time .. that's all any of us can do with cancer ...

So no matter what she decides, hold on to every day, and make as many memories as you can .. listen to each other, admit it's scary ... hug, and lots of "I love yous" she may want to chat about things that's hard to hear ... I've written all my letters, and I've finished a memory book for my 6 year old granddaughter .. she knows I may be a star next to my mum's star one day ... and she's at ease with that .. all those are put safely away, till needed ... but they all listened to me ... even though it is a delicate subject ,., now I can get on enjoying every day I've been given ... it's not an easy road, but one day you will look back and know it was her wishes you granted ... sending you a big hug .. Chrissie 

Im sorry to hear that i truly dont know what to say my mum is starting chemotherapy next week . She is having 2 lot's im so worried how poorly she is going to get . I guess what your saying about your mum its hard i hope you can stay strong and your amazing respecting your mums wishers. I sent all my love to you and you will be in my thoughts .x

My husband reacted badly to first session of chemo. Should have had his second yesterday but ended up in A and E and was admitted. Waiting for news today. There are so many decisions to make it is so hard. Only the sufferer can decide what they want and we have to support them as best we can. It is all so heartbreaking and difficult. Thinking of you and hoping for the best for us all

Suenmags

Hello, thank you for your reply.

Your comment has brought tears to my eyes, what a lovely and strong lady you are.

My mum is nearly 57, i am 34. she had stage 2 breast cancer 5ish years ago, which they successfully removed and she was on tablets for 5 years (im Sorry I don't remember what they were called), she decided to stop taking them a year earlier than she was ment to, I personally think she was suffering with depression at that stage of her life.

Anyhow, I respect her wishes that she wants quailty rather than quantity, so she can enjoy her days until the end with her love ones, its about making memories and lots of them :). Ive told her to start writing a bucket list for her to do. 

I wish you and your family all the best.

Denise x

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you're husband is having a bad time on chemo too,  its truely heartbreaking to watch them suffer. You're right we can only be supportive of the decisions they make. My mum just wants quality over quantity and I 100% respect that. 

I wish you and your husband all the best.

Denise  xx

Hello and thank you , 

I think everyone personally response different to chemo, some sail through it, others react not so good. Its all a journey we dont want to take, but we have to be there for eachother going through this sad period, hooefully your mum reacts well and hopefully kills her cancer or at least keeps it at bay.

My thoughts go out to you too, 

Take care

Denise x

Hi there ...

If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I'm around most days ... I was 36 when my mum died suddenly with a heart attack.. and felt so robbed, but I'd packed a lifetime of memories into those years we had .. 

She lives in a safe place in my heart now .. so she's with me always ... so grab every second you have .. Will be thinking of you ...  Chrissie 

Hi, just an update... 

My mum did stop her treatment,  she's now found lumps on her head, and a mri scan has revealed the cancer has spread to her spine. Im not sure how long she has left but she's now in the hands of a hospice. Its very hard to cope with right now, as my Dad also got diagnosed with lung cancer in September,  the chemotherapy hasnt been working and we've found out a month a go it has actually grown. 

Denise. 

Hi there ...

Well cancer sucks big time ... I'm so so sorry it's now touched your dad ... cancer has no compation ..

I really hope you packed lots of memories in that 10 months since we last spoke ... id have given anything for just one day with my mum ... 

Would chemo / radiotherapy have given her longer... or put her through so much if she had ...  we can only make our own decision and not think "what if"  but I'm proud of you letting her lead the way ... 

And chemo not working for your dad's cancer, just shows nothing is guaranteed... but my heart goes out to you, at this time ... hospices are such caring places .. that's what I want when it's my time ... and a hand to hold .. and your mum must be very proud of her girl right now .. 

You won't loose her .. you'll just keep her in your heart safely where that cancer will never touch her again .. you are half of her... she will live through you .. as I will through my son .. and grandkids... always here if you want a chat .. I'm still holding on myself .. sending you a vertual hug...

Chrissie