Hi

It has been a year and 2 months since my mum died. It has been the hardest and loneliest time of my life. I still don't know how to cope. I feel so abandoned, I realise it is because I am missing her. I feel I don't have anyone to turn to and I wish I could die. There is no one I can talk to and say how I feel. I don't want to be preached to how I have to move on. I don't want to be told how I have done everything I could have, it is such a stupid thing to say, when I haven't done nowhere near enough. I am tired all the time and tired of life, and of struggle. 

I am sorry, I cannot tell you how everything is gonna be ok. I see that it cna be for some people, but I my pain just goes on and on and I am tired of everything. 

I'm so so sorry to see this, there really are no words at this time that will make you feel better but take comfort from knowing you were all together, she sounded like a very strong lady. I'm 24 and in September I lost my mum to ovarian cancer, we too were told she had days to weeks left and she shut her eyes when we were all together. I held her in my arms and comforted her and told her it was okay to let go, she held on until my brother walked in the room.. as soon as the four of us were together she let go and I truly believe that happens for a reason. I struggle every single day, she was my whole world but every day is different and you have to deal with it as it happens. You'll have days where you will feel strong and then you will have days where you can't do life. It's normal but you're not alone. Sending you lots of love xx

I am so sorry for your loss it is absolutely horrible and I feel your pain.

my dad died a month ago this Friday and we had the funeral yesterday.

All I say is cry,scream and most importantly talk to people, don't bottle it up.

Feel free to message me x

My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my Mum on 8th January after a long battle with Cancer. It wasn't anything like I expected at the end. I nursed her at home and the last 2 days were awful.

It's 2 months on and I'm still heartbroken, but just take one day at a time. I still cry but not all day every day. 

You will feel better but take your time and allow yourself to grieve. 

You will feel raw now but time really had a great healer

I wish you well x

Hello pickle85,

                      on the gloomy days you look back ,you will see your Mum. On the brighter days you look forward, you will see your sons.Gradually in the future you will look forward on everyday  and see your sons,your mum and her grandsons with a big smile on your face and loving warmth in your heart.Between here and there will be a rollercoaster and l hope the ride will make you a stronger better person content with their lot,

                                                                                                                      take very good of you and those you love,

                            David

So sorry Pickle, I too feel your pain. Our mum passed on the 3rd Feb, She had lung, pancreatic and liver cancer, diagnosed in July she was given 6 months, we nursed mum at home, but on the Monday she was in pain and the doctor actioned the driver medication she never recovered and lasted 5 hours. It's the most horrendous feeling to lose your mum, I don't think we will ever get over the loss we just have to learn to get through each day. My sister and I was dreading the funeral even contemplating not attending, but we did and we made it very personal for mum, my sister took a month from work she could not focus,  and thankfully she is now back, she was extremely close to mum and felt she couldn't breath but with the support from us her family, she is getting through each day. Just take each day at a time. We collected mum's ashes the day after and I have sewn them into a cuddly teddy bear, which believe it or not is a comfort. We cuddle her and we feel she is close to us.  Plus from jumpers and some of mum's clothes we have made cushions. I know this would not suit everyone but it has helped us, we feel mum is still close. Your mum would want you to be ok, and you will be. It just takes time. Pam xx

Thank you for all your replies,

I still don't really feel anything. I feel desperately sad and don't want to face civilisation but apart from that nothing. I have shed a few tears, but I don't feel I can cry anymore. I did so much crying through diagnosis to nursing her at home that maybe I've dried up!! 
I got a tattoo today with her writing from our wedding card with I love you x... it's very inconspicuous, but it feels comforting. I keep talking to her in my head. I hope she knows. I too am off work for now but will have to go back at some point which is so scary! 
Her funeral is the 12th and I hope I can cope. I've said to myself if I can't I just go off for a min or two to re group. 
Mum had cancer in her lung, liver, collar bone, diaphragm. They could never find the primary. It was too late but she fought 4.5 months more than expected and a woman in ill health and at 73 she did incredibly well and fought until the end.

She also had the driver towards the end and top ups. I think she held on for my nieces first ever birthday which was the Monday. We didn't expect her to see it through the night. (her 1st one, 4 grandsons) 

Everybody on here is so incredible with their support and you don't feel so alone. 
xx

Hi Pickle you will get the strength and you will be there on the 12th. Just be there for each other and take comfort from your family and the little ones. My sister has 3 grandchildren two 5 year olds and one at 5 months. I have 2, the kids have  helped us  through this very sad and surreal time. Otherwise you feel you are going mad. It's heartbreaking too when you over hear the grandkids saying, baba (that's what they called mum) is an angel and is sat on a cloud, and the grandson says don't worry I will get Grandads ladders and bring her back home. I will be thinking of you on the 12th.

Take care of yourself. Pam 

Hey Pickle85,

Your story is almost parallel to mine. My just turned 74 year old Mum passed on Tuesday and we have her funeral on the 12th too. Me and my 3 siblings were there along with her closest friend. I had last week signed off sick which I requested before the death happened and I'm now on compassionate leave. I keep watching videos I took of her and struggle when it gets to late evening as that is when I used to talk to her on the phone daily. She had liver cancer as primary and then secondary aggressive cancers all over. I've leant on my friends and Mum's friends plus extended family. It helps and I never used to want people to know my struggles, now I couldn't not have the support from others. Yesterday I felt very strong, only cried once in the evening and then today I've set myself off 3 times. 

Hope you see this and that we can help support each other as we go through this *** time xx

Sorry to hear that decembergirl, my condolences to you and your family. Under the awful circumstances it's weirdly comforting to know we're not alone on this. I just keep talking to her in my head and whatever I do from now on I just want her to be proud of me. I will be thinking of you too on the 12th. Xxx