Hi there Ricky...

I know your feeling pretty scared right now ... your mum's probably feeling the same ..  it takes time after hearing those words cancer to digest everything ... I'm guessing she feels like she's been put on a rollercoaster right now, and doesn't know how or what to do, and there's no getting off ... she and you have to hold on tight .. it's got lots of up and downs ... and turns ..

If you try to stop for just a little while, let your mum have space to let it sink in ... you can both get through this ... even though it feels your world has turned upside down ... 

Now remember everyone is different, with different treatments... she may have just the lump taken away or like me the whole breast ... the operation isn't half as bad as it sounds ... most are done as a day patent .. and some of us have gone home the same day ... so it's not as bad as your head is telling you ..

Depending on what the lump turns up, is what your mum will have after ... there's lots of ladies on here having that treatment right now ... they are all here , and we all help each other through this scary early days ... I was a grade 3 the highest ... and that was 10 months ago and here I am chatting to you ...and my son like you panicked at first .. but once we calmed down we got through it ... together ...

Now later, tell your mum about this site and tell her there's wonderfull lasses that will hold her hand and she can read their story ...and see it's really scary, but it is doable ... any questions you have, well try to answer ... so take deep breath .. hold your mum's hand and tell her you'll do this together ... 

Chrissie xx 

Thank you very much for your reply so quickly , i appriciate it ..she is having a full breast removal ..so are you saying they know more of the cancer when its been removed if its invasive etc etc aggresive etc etc ? did you have chemo ?

Hi ... l was told full masectomy is less painfull then a lumpectomy .... which honestly didnt have much at all ... just if your mum has lymph node out, thats in her arm pit ... now thats quite tender after ...it aches and she will have to be carefull not to over use it ... she will be really tired for couple of days and need your help, doing housework or cooking .... and its a slow journey getting back to normal, and tiredness does play a part ... 

They test the lumps and nodes they remove ... it's sent for analysing... which is another wait ... depending on the outcome, will say what treatment she will have .. could be chemo, could be radiotherapy ... all depends what they find ... my cancer , although grade 3 was 'contained' meaning low risk of spread .. my lymph node was clear ... so they offered me radiotherapy,  but my spine and bones are really weak, and my skin doesn't heal, so I'm on a chemo tablet called tamoxifen for 5 years ... after l got used to it, it's no problem and no more side effects .. l still keep my hair ...

Now my auntie has had a full mastectomy a couple of months ago, and had radiotherapy for about 5 weeks ... she's doing really well .. just tired sometimes ... but she's finished that now, and just on daily tablet like me for 5 years ... l went to see her last week, you wouldn't know we'd both had cancer ... we chatted about everything .. not just cancer ... there is life after .. 

It's just about taking it one day at a time ... and dealing with things as and when they pop up ... don't look too far ahead ... try to listen to each other... it's o.k to admit your both scared .. even if you share a few tears , and give each other space to feel all those feelings .. even superman would feel scared .. and us, wer just human .. always here ... Chrissie x

Dear ricky2018,

I was diagnosed with triple negative grade 3 with 2 lumps, early April this year at a follow up biopsy from my regular breast screening in February. Since, I have had op to remove the lumps on 26th April, but had to have another op next day due to a heamtoma, blood clot which caused extensive inflammation right up to my neck. Then follow up I was told that another op was needed to remove more edges as they were not clear, which happened last Thursday and today at follow up was told that this time the edges were clear of cancer. The other lump and nodes were clear at the last op.

Now have to see ONC next week for further treatment.

But I have to say, that even though I was worried, I have recovered quickly and feel good now. The wounds will take time to heal, but I am looking at it positively. Don’t know how pls is your mum. I am 67 yrs old, and have always been very active. The medical people including nurses and Macmillan are great and very supportive. 

Take courage from the knowledge that scientific advances have done a lot for cancer and especially breast cancer.

My mum had mastectomy in in 1977 for her right breast and lived till end of 2008, with no breast issues.

For my family and  me getting the first diagnosis was the worst part. You have to be strong for your mother. 

All the best

hello you sound like you had a bad time with surgery sorry to hear that ...my mum is also 67 years old ..thanks for your advice and kind words ..all the best to you too 

Hi there Ricky ... lots of us breast ladies have not had complications like you've just read, so please don't let that worry you ... your mum is having a total mastectomy like me ... so because it's a total she won't need a second op, because they take all breast tissue away ... so there is no margins left ...

Most ops go with no problems at all .. please try not to worry again, as I have given you the info you need .. and don't feel you have to be strong all the time ... sharing fears and feelings and even a few tears, let's out those emotions and then you can get on with things ... but feeling scared is normal ... we all do at times ... Chrissie x

my mother had the mastectomy two days ago and is now at home with me recovering ..she seems ok apart from the drain which she does not like ...previous to the operation they injected the breast that was removed with radium and she was supposed to get a scan just before the operation to see if its spread to her nodes by using a blue dye ,in the end they did not do this they removed the breast and 1 node and will be seen again in two weeks for pathology results ..im so proud of her she is being very strong and even being humourous about it ...i just hope the next news in a few weeks is that the cancer is localised and has not spread ...fingers crossed ...

hope youre well 

Hay Ricky, so good to hear how you and mum are going ... She sounds very similar to me ... But now she must take it easy ... Especially the arm where lymph node was taken .... That takes longer ... My arm is still not strong 11 months down the line ... I just don't carry shopping or over use it ...

I think your mum is doing o.k because you are calmer and I even had a real laugh after op as l had to stay in 3 days ... I had the drain in for few days too ... She will feel a lot better when it's out ... But she has to take good care of her scar ... I got an infection in mine ... So tell her if it swells or starts to feel hot , to get it seen to strait away ... It will be a few weeks till she gets results , so enjoy the time where you can both chill and you can spoil her ...

I'm really proud of you ... You've come a long way ... And if you stay calm I'm sure your mum will share her journey with you ... Us mum's don't want our kids to get upset or panic ... Though saying your worried but can do this to gether will really help her ... If there's any questions she or you want to ask , feel free .. I'm 11 months now, and doing good ... Just get tired more easily and still need to have one or two chill days ... So you keep on being strong and you'll get there to get her ... Big hug chrissie x

Hi again and thanks for your replies they are really helpful ...my mums drain keeps getting clots in it that block the drain ...

is this normal ..

i have tried squashing them down the tube which is helping but should she really be clotting still