My mother has terminal cancer and I don't know how to cope.

I should probably begin by saying I'm 16 years old and my mothers just 49. We found out around a month ago that my mother has incurable secondary breast cancer, and since then I seriously don't know how to cope. My parents have told me that it's going to be fought for just a year or two, but I've seen reports online saying it can kill some in months. The mood in my house has, understandingly, been very depressing and low, and sometimes I find it awkward to talk openely. My parents have been encouraging me to speak about how I feel to them and not keep anything bottled up, but they're so upset already I don't want to make it any worse for them! I only have one or two friends who I can talk to, but I don't want to burden them, and I can't bring it up in everyday conversation because it's too emotional -- my other friends don't seem to care at all and have been routinely leaving me out of group activities. I just feel overwhelmed with fear and sadness every time I see my mother in pain, anxiety for my father (who's always been /incredibly/ close to my mother -- they haven't had a proper argument in years), and so stressed for my GCSE exams this summer, which I need to do amazing in to achieve my target grades. I really don't know how to open up without sounding selfish and making anyone I know feel even worse/awkward, but I know how bad bottling things up can be. 

Any support would be great, thank you 

  • Hi Megant,

    I'm so sorry you and your family and your lovely mum are going thought this. I lost my mum 2 weeks ago and still can't quite believe it's happened. 

    I know what you mean about your friends and feeling like your burdening them. A lot of my friends and colleagues were the same - I'm 27 so age doesn't make a difference! I found that speaking to the Macmillan councillors helped hugely. It gave me someone I could speak to about everything without any judgement. Have you been offered support in that way? It's great that you know not to bottle things up! It's important to talk. You won't come across as selfish at all. I don't know where you are in the country but have a look if there is a Maggie Centre near you... these centres have trained councillors and somewhere relaxing and lovely for you and your mum and other family members to go to chill or get advice. They also do relaxation courses and meditation, creative writing. I only visited them once but my brother used them lots!

    Does your school know? Communicating with them will help. I know it's not the exactly the same, but I updated my boss with everything that happened and they've been so understanding. My sister is at uni and she has done the same. It will help!

    Have you got any siblings? I'm happy to chat if you like or if you have any questions. I can relate and sometimes it helps to know you're not alone.

    Sending you hugs 

    Claire xxx

     

  • Megant

    Most important is speak to the nurse team or MacMillan team. I am your mums age and have just been through this with my wife. Your friends probably do not know what to say and sometimes when it does not effect us we just do not think. All I can say is telling you not to worry is silly. We all worry but talk to MacMillan and express how you feel. Talk to your teachers and remember mum is with you. You have to remember to look after you too. You have shown a great deal of courage reaching out to others on here. I will be listening if you find it hard to talk. And I am.sure all the other people on the forum will too. There is one thing the TV advert tells us. We are not alone.

     

     

  • hi megant 

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum I know how your feeling my mum had secondary bone cancer they told my mum she could have up to 2 years or less but my mum managed to fight it for 4/5 years I was her carer for 6 years and whilst it's not nice to watch mums going through this I found it really did help to talk to my mum as she was just as scared as me and her other children it might take a while for you to be able to open up about it took me about 2 years to talk to my mum about how I was feeling but it brings you closer as a family try to make as many happy memories you can in the time she has I lost my mum November last year and it's the hardest thing I've even been throu I'm 22 but spent the last 6 years of my life looking after my mum every day and night there are always so many nice people on here that can try and help you throu it just try not to bottle it all up as you'll make yourself ill I'm always here if you need a chat x