Together we will beat cancer


My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

31 Jan 2017 03:39

It was November 2015 when my mom was officially diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer. She went through radiotherapy and chemotherapy and though the doctors were hopeful that it would shrink the tumour, it didn't. Instead, it grew and eventually developed in stage 4 around last year. Now, she's in china getting alternative treatments done since the best thing NHS can offer her here is palliative care. Through the doctors in China are positive they can treat her, sometimes it's hard to stay positive especially when it's at a very late stage and has spread to her bones. 

I'm 19 years old and just started my first year of uni in London. Since I'm the only child and my dad is with my mom in China, I live by myself at home and try to balance school and a part time job. this busy schedule has kept me distracted for a while but now, I feel like all those bottled up emotions are just let loose. I'm afraid that I can't cope any longer and I just can't stop thinking about my mom, especially being so far away. Only a few of my friends know and I don't really talk to them much about it, only when they ask really. Without sounding selfish, I honestly feel like I'm at the brink of depression. my sleeping pattern is just upside down and I've lost weight even when I feel like I'm eating all the time. Also, since the treatments are private we mostly rely on fundraisings to get by, another thing that I cannot get out of my head. I'm finding it so hard to stay strong for for her, I just want my mom back. 

i would do absolutely anything and everything for my mom but at my current state I feel like I can't even get out of bed when I need to and it's affecting my school education. I just miss my mom so much and I just want to be able to spend time with her for as long as possible, she wouldn't hurt a fly and deserves everything good in this world. I can't even bring myself to read some of the other forums without crying my eyes out and just even thinking about losing my mom, it's the most heartbreaking thing. 

thank you for listening to me rant about this. it felt good to let it out a little. I guess I just want advise on how to cope better? And how to get back on track? 

Thank you!

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

31 Jan 2017 11:46 in response to Camdeg

I know what it is like to have a mum with stage 4 cancer if you ever want to talk I am here. I was pretty much the same as you I managed to fix my sleep pattern by staying up till 10 at night and I know the feeling that you are close to being depressed and it is hard to deal with but try talking to people clan helps quite a bit to deal with it.

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

31 Jan 2017 15:41 in response to Camdeg

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, I had cancer myself so saw it from a different perspective.

However, it sounds to me like you are doing amazingly well, even if you don't feel like it; trying to live by yourself and cope with schoo,l job and your parents away would be a big ask anyway - even without the cancer.

From the hindsight of my great age (58!) I would say that you can always redo the education, so don't be too hard on yourself; I think you are incredible. You seem to be focussing on everything and doing so well, I'm not surprised that you are thinking of your mum all the time - I'm sure I would be too.

Thinking of you and sending all good thoughts and wishes

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

1 Feb 2017 14:45 in response to Camdeg

its ok to feel like this you just need to decide what will be best for you - you can defer your studies and be with your mum if you want - I really hope they can treat her but with cancer so advanced that may not be possible and any time you can get with her will help both of you.  You haven't got mental health issues - you are responding normally to a life crisis but give yourself a break - talk to your parents about how you feel - i would want my son to tell me.  If that feels too much call the cancer helplines or make use of gp counselling student counsellors.  You don't have to do this all by yourself.

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

6 Feb 2017 20:46 in response to heretohelp2

Thank you so much for replying! I guess the reason why it's Been so bottled up is because I don't know anyone going through that same thing. It's almost as if I felt tired of being comforted by everybody and just wanted to be at a place where I can actually do something about it. did you end up going to a professional about it? If so, did it help? Thank you

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

6 Feb 2017 20:54 in response to Hingls11

Thank you so much for replying! Is the cancer cleared from you? If so, I hope my mom can be in the same place one day Happy sometimes the distraction of being busy is kind of good, you kind of just forget about every personal thing but I feel that when you do that, the reality of it hits you a lot harder at home.swaying away from my education is something I've thought about but scared of ever mentioning to my mom since she puts such an incredible emphasis on it. & no school staff knows about my situation as of right now but I think I feel a bit more confident about confronting the problem whilst including other people in it too. 

Thank you for your thoughts! 

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

6 Feb 2017 20:59 in response to alig53

Thank you so much for replying! I've always told mom how I've felt about the situation but always dilute it in a way to make it not sound so bad since I know how hard it must be for her as a mom to worry about her child from the other side of the world already. It's just I hate seeing her cry especially through video call. I'm probably going to just call the helpline since a gp appointment would be too long. Thank you so much for your thoughts Happy

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

7 Feb 2017 07:01 in response to Camdeg
Be strong i pray for the best for you and your family. God will see you through .

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

21 Feb 2017 17:52 in response to Camdeg

Hello again


I'm so sorry for the delay in replying but the response to your question is that I'm so cleared we've just been away golfing for a couple of weeks - hence the late reply.

I hope things are still ok for you, I would hope that your school staff would be completely understanding and try to offer helpful suggestions. Perhaps if you reassure your Mum that you will return to it would allay her fears that you are missing it.

Still more good thoughts and wishes winging your way



Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

8 Feb 2018 13:58 in response to Camdeg
I am in the exact same situation as u. First year nursing student. Mum had cancer 3 times but this time it’s spread throughout her liver. I don’t know what to do as my heads all over the place. She’s my best friend

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

8 Feb 2018 13:59 in response to lpat

Mum was a nurse. Wants me to continue my studies. It’s all she ever wanted for me. Any advice would be so appreciated 

Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

8 Feb 2018 14:43 in response to Camdeg

i know what your going through my mum had cancer and lives in the midlands and i live in london as soon as i found out she had cancer i went home straight away, i stayed till she had the operation and once it was done i came back to london she stated her radio therapt whilst i was here and when i went back to visit her i couldnt shrug the feeling of guilt after seeing the marks the treatment had left and i wasnt there even though my sister were with her. i recently found out i have abnormal cells and will be having a colposcopy on tuesday, iv only told my close friends and not told my family as i know it would be hard for my mum to know ill be having the tests done and there is a chance i could have cancer.

best thing you can do is stay strong sometimes we feel like we cant cope but it just takes a good friend to help bring you out of the depression mode.


Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

10 Oct 2018 22:27 in response to Camdeg


Re: My mom has stage 4 cancer and I can't cope anymore

1 Feb 2019 21:51 in response to Camdeg

I’m going through the exact same thing, I’m 18 and my mum has stage 4 cancer. It’s so scary and feels like your living in a nightmare, I totally understand how you feel. Keeping yourself busy is a good idea as worrying doesn’t help it only takes away your happiness. Worry more about your mental health and well being instead of education as materialistic things are nothing, that’s what my situation has taught me.