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My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

7 Oct 2017 13:06

Hi everyone, I have joined the forum as my dad who is 75 has just been diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer which is also in the stomach lining. He can't have an operation, is on a liquid diet as the main problem is at the top of his stomach so food is not getting through. They tried a stent but that didn't work. He has had 2 oncology appts and was told yesterday he can start chemo soon (infusions and tablets I think). He lives over 100 miles away and I saw him last weekend and he has lost so much weight but otherwise looking not too bad

My closest friend has stage 4 secondry breast cancer in her bones and my sister in laws mum has also been diagnosed with stomach cancer which has already spread to her lungs so not looking good.

Never known a year where so many people I know personally have cancer - just hoping to be able to chat with others going through this to try and keep strong for my mum Love

 

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

7 Oct 2017 16:05 in response to Karen21

Oh Karen I’m so sorry about your dad ... and knowing others to on this journey too ... your right years ago we would av heard occasionally about someone who had it , but it does seem rife at present ... 

it’s a shame your so far away but just being on the end of the phone ... will help your dad and mum ... my family supports me by checking in and asking how things are going , or send a text just saying thinking of you .... etc but it keeps me going forward ... it’s one of those scenarios where there’s nothing you can do to take it away but you can walk his path with him ... and I found being honest with feelings was really good , cry, hugs, and saying what your heart feels and make the most of every day ... that’s what I’m doing ... so sending you big hug ... you’ll find lots of support here ... Chrisie xx

 

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

7 Oct 2017 17:40 in response to Chriss

Hi Chrisie, Thankyou for your support and advice about being honest. Hope today is a good day for you. Karen x

 

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

7 Oct 2017 21:09 in response to Karen21

Hi Karen Sorry to hear your news. My amazing incredible dad also has stomach cancer. He's 76 and currently as I write (hopefully) sleeping at the hospital. He's hopefully coming home tomorrow! We had the devastating news this week that the tumour in the base of his stomach has spread to his abdomen. We had such hope particularly as previous CT scans looked good. Nothing can now be done, he hates the thought of chemo and wants to avoid further hospitalisation. I feel like a part of me has died. All I think about is 'why did I not see the signs earlier?'. We got him into the system having noticed weight loss and problems going to toilet. He had both clear prostrate and bowel checks via colonoscopy and was initially suspected to have bowel inflammation. Months passed waiting for appointments until finally an endoscopy and subsequent CT scans confirmed the worst. The outlook is poor and I feel desperate and am struggling to comprehend everything. I keep blaming myself that I didn't research more etc. I just want to cuddle him so much right now. Heart broken x

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

7 Oct 2017 23:00 in response to KevinBuzz

Hi there Kevin ... I lost my dad some time ago now .. he was the most wonderful caring gentle dad any one could wish for .... he suffered for years with silicosis of the lung , from working down the pits for 50years ... I wish I’d known he was near the end , coz looking back I never told him how proud I was to have him as my dad ... and thank him for never raising a hand to us three girls , didn’t even raise his voice , he was like the B F G  ... so all I can say to you from the bottom of my heart is, you still have time to tell your dad all that’s in your heart ... hold his hand and walk his journey with him ... 

my heart goes out to you and Karen ... don’t leave nothing unsaid ... big big hug to you both ... Chrisie xx

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

8 Oct 2017 12:21 in response to KevinBuzz

Hi Kevin - it's so good to hear from someone else who feels the same way, we too seemed to have waited an age for anyone to do something, it's like our dads are just hospital numbers and not real people. My dad had a camera down last year and there was nothing there then or so we were told. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I too think should I have pushed things through more quickly but as you said it is now too late, they could both have had another 20 years of life, until a few years ago my dad was very active, only 10 years ago he single handedly built my loft conversion - its so sad.

Do you still have your mum around - I do, it was their 56th wedding anniversary yesterday. My dad is going to try chemo once they have checked that his heart condition will be OK with it. I used to think it would be a heart attack that would take him but now I am not so sure. Do you think he will have any chemo?

Please keep in touch - its good to have someone who isn't family to go on this journey with x 

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

8 Oct 2017 13:44 in response to Karen21
Hi Karen Thank you for your message. I do have mum with us yes - heart broken also. We have a meeting with an oncologist in a few weeks but dad is adament that chemo is not an option. The surgeon suggested it may not really help much in terms of increasing time. I feel like I cannot breath sometimes and feel completely helpless. I don't really know how I can move forward at this time. I'm sat with my dad, mum and sister at the hospital in Southampton waiting for a consultant to discharge my dad. Just been to Argos to buy a blender so he can have dinner tonight! He's so strong though and seeing him so frail hurts a lot. I just hope he can fight and get as much time as possible - hopefully your dad will do likewise. I would love to stay in touch and speak properly x

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

8 Oct 2017 13:48 in response to Chriss

Thank you Chrisie

I read your message to my dad this morning in hospital and literally struggled to read it through the tears! Your words resonated with both of us they created a very special moment so thank you so much - much needed and appreciated x x

 

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

8 Oct 2017 14:02 in response to KevinBuzz

I am crying now.......my mum has to blend my dads food too as his main bit of cancer is at the bottom of his windpipe so food can't get through very well.

My mum makes quiche without the pastry and he has that blended and semolina for breakfast!!

It is hard but I try and remember the serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

The first line of this has really helped me get through....

My dad is in Bournemouth - I am some distance away but on the phone most days even if it just boring stuff like a rose that has just flowered, I send pictures of things by text as they don't do the internet!

Hope you get him home soon

x

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

8 Oct 2017 18:39 in response to KevinBuzz

Bless ya ... thank you for letting me know ... I had a few tears too reading your message... big hug to you and your dad ... Chrisie xx

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

11 Oct 2017 19:50 in response to KevinBuzz

How are you all doing Kevin? Is your dad at home now

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

12 Oct 2017 07:34 in response to Karen21
Hi Karen Yes dads home now and getting slowly stronger. I'm still struggling to be honest - feel that the sadness has turned to desperation and anxiety. Feels worse mostly in the morning and when I'm not around him I feel anxious. I'm not giving up though - constantly researching. We have a meeting with an oncologist on Monday and I'm going to see if dad might be eligible for HIPEC treatment which seems to fit with his condition. If anyone knows anything about criteria for this that would be greatly appreciated! How is everything your end? X

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

12 Oct 2017 10:02 in response to KevinBuzz

Hi Kevin... glad your dads home now ... sadly there’s no way round feeling highs and lows , it’s holding on to the better days, and getting through the lows as best you can ... it’s o.k to share both on here ... I lost my cousin last week to this thing we call cancer , it might have taken him in the end but he was amazingly holding on to the last with his wonderful sense of humour... he was always the joker in the family and I’m so proud that he wouldn’t let the cancer take it away ... even if he lost his battle, he kicked cancers ass every step of the way .... but he to had low days ... 

so hold on in there , wer here if needed ... big hug to you and dad ... Chrisie x

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

12 Oct 2017 10:09 in response to Karen21

Hi there Karen ... just wanted to send you a big hug , brave lady ... it brings back thoughts of my dad when he was so poorly and suffered two years, slowly loosing life ... you never forget , you just learn to live with missing them ... thinking of you hunny ... Chrisie xx ❤️

Re: My lovely dad has stomach cancer...........

12 Oct 2017 21:21 in response to Karen21

I am sorry Sad