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Re: My Journey Continues

13 Jan 2015 11:49 in response to jules54

Good morning Jules,

Hope your visit to you mother goes okay. We got a little wet when shopping early this morning. Spent most of yesterday doing paperwork for the wood club. I have designed a new membership card which I can print myself instead of buying the plastic ones which have become so expensive.Will be able to print peoples names on them instead of writing by hand. Still have to update our fire list and membership  directory in the next couple of weeks.

I have to tell you I admire the way you have coped so far and have still found time to respond to others. I also think this forum does help so many;so many amazing people who allthough going through the mill are still willing to offer help and advice to others.

I will have to leave early tommorow morning with regard to my talk as one of the ladies from my local cancer charity Cancervive very kindly wants to come and support me.I have to arrive by 8.30 and have to admit I am looking forward to it. Mrs B looking forward to a peaceful morning ha ha but I told her I will make up for it when I return.

Garage is still nice and dry so the repairs still holding good.

Take care Jules, sending best wishes and hugs, Brian

Re: My Journey Continues

13 Jan 2015 22:44 in response to jules54

Hi Jules,

Just thinking of you, I hope you are OK. Hope xx

Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 08:20 in response to KathyS

Good morning Kathy

So pleased your son able to come and see you (and good that he can get jobs done too). Just the kind of support that is so helpful. My son in law has fixed my 'sticking' front door and fitted new security chain and this coming weekend will take hubby's care for total valetting so need to empty the boot!!

Spent a little time with Mum and she has decided (wisely) not to try to attend the funeral (we are having snow flurries just to add to the problems she would possible face).  Have told her I know she will be thinking of us all and hope have put her mind at rest.  Her general mood was a little improved and  think my sadness has perhaps brought her 'mothering' instinct back a bit.  She has bipolar depressive illness and does have varying 'swings'.

Today have 'free' legal adviser coming to explain the way through probate and my daughter is coming along to have an extra pair of ears (that also means another cuddle session with Zack).  We have been totally overwhelmed with the offers of assistance and support during this sad time and I still feel like I am on autopilot and dealing with the practical side has been pretty straightforward so far.  Have finally finished (I think) all official notifications of death and got all the bills into my name which is a bit of a relief.

Yes,Spring breaks will be during April and if I can get the 'holiday leave' I require will have a mini break away at the beginning and end of that month. It will be good for us all to be able to relax and do some lovely walks on the Dorset coast (both with my son's dog on one break and with the grandchildren on the other).

Good to hear that your pets and 'lodger' are accepting of each other and can fully understand why the four legged Houdini come back now that he knows who feeds him.

Have a G'day and sesnding you kind thoughts and virtual hugs  Jules x




Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 08:56 in response to woodworm

Good morning Brian,

Good to read that your garage is staying leak free and hope it continues for you as know it is more like a workshop when the temperature allows. Underfloor heating next Wink. Beautiful start to the day here though some people not so lucky if the TV pics anything to go by. Currently watching cat in the garden desparate to catch a pidgeon (they are running rings round it!!).

Am sure you were well received at your cancer meetings and its wonderful that you can put so much back into this with firsthand knowledge - a positive side to dealing with post cancer diagnosis. Well done.

As a family we are supporting a small charity offering free support and advice, run by volunteers, as part of hubby's celebration of life (and onwards I am sure).  The cover the South of England and though being based in Southampton area they visited us at home at the start of our journey and will never be able to thank them enough for their time and expertise in Mesothelioma (the ladies who run it both having family members who suffered with the disease).  So important to keep these charities 'alive'.

Visiting Mum was good and she is dealing with hubby's death in her own way but was strange to have her emotional imput suddenly and it makes you realise that her bi polar problems suppress true feelings from time to time.  It left me somewhat reflective as you can imagine. 

Certainly, I am going  through the  practical side of things almost on autopilot just now but take great comfort from the fact that hubby had the best care the NHS had to offer and me by his side at his passing.  A love lost but forever in our hearts as a family. The grandchildren gave me drawings yesterday for 'grand-dad to take on his journey to becoming a star' and I will take them to the funeral directors later today as they have said they can be placed with him. The eldest lad (hard to believe he is only just 6) told me that he loved his grand-dad and he needed the picture because he could not take his car with him. Oh to have a child's mind just now.

Hope you and Mrs B are keeping okay. Hugs. Jules x  



Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 09:04 in response to Hope23

Thanks Hope, it means a lot to me that my forum buddies are here to help along the new road I am having to travel. Am coping almost automatically with all the necessary notifications and paperwok. Today have free legal Probate rep coming to the house to explain things to us (daughter being an extra pair of ears as son is working) and tomorrow will be chatting to GP (her request to see how I am) so days pretty full and I am finding it a little  strange at the peacefulness that surrounds me.

Best wishes to you and your family. Hugs Jules x

Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 10:50 in response to jules54

Hi Jules, you are an amazing lady, and have looked after your husband and mother with such fortitued.

I hope that feeling of peacefulness stays around you like a warm blanket to help you through this time.

love and peace for the future , to you and your family xxTonic

Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 12:07 in response to jules54

Hi Jules,  I totally agree with Tonic and wanted to add that I hope you get on OK with the legal representative today as well.  Take care.  Hope xx

Re: My Journey Continues

14 Jan 2015 20:38 in response to Hope23

Hi Jules,

Hope you had a productive visit with the "legal eagle" today.  I also hope you can deal with someone who can understand what you are going through and helps as much as they can.

I'm afraid there is still no news on why  Hannah is so unwell.  She had a CT scan yesterday, one day later than they said she would, but the results came back clear which is a good thing but they are still no closer to finding out what is going on.  We are now doing the age old past time which is to "wait and see"!

Also just to let you know I took a half day today so I could be at home to receive a pre-arranged assessment phone call.  It is the first part in the next round of demon vanquishing after being reffered by the doctor.  I don't know how effective it will be but let's wait and see --- wait!  I've heard that somewhere before Wink

Thoughts are with you Jules, take care!

Garf. xx

Re: My Journey Continues

15 Jan 2015 08:34 in response to tonic

Thank you for your kind words.  Definitely not amazing (sure my kids would vouch for this!!), just going through the motions day to day so make sure eerything is sorted out with the dignity my hubby deserved.

Today would have been his GP check up appointment and instead of him going, his GP has asked for me to go in so she can 'keep an eye on his widow'.  Have arranged a cuppa with my bingo pal afterwards as suspect I might be a bit fragile!

Hope all is going okay in your own family.  Regards Jules x

Re: My Journey Continues

15 Jan 2015 08:39 in response to Hope23

Morning Hope

Have not been so busy in a long time!  Most of the official notifications are in place and have gone pretty smoothly.  Legal advice appointment pretty straightforward to and has lead to a couple of other lines to follow and also have an appointment with independent solicitor later in the month before making final choices as regards applying for Probate. Even in the legal world it would appear its good to make comparisons!!!!  My daughter has been my second pair of ears and little Zack and older brother keeping us smiling. 


Hope all good with you and the family.  Sending hugs  Jules x

Re: My Journey Continues

15 Jan 2015 08:57 in response to GARF

Hi Garf

It must be confusing and worrying in equal measure (never mind frustrating) as regards Hannah's symptoms. Good news that the CT scan showed nothing untoward but do hope they can get to the bottom of things soon for her sake as well as her loved ones.

Hope your telephone call assessment is the start of something positive for you in dealing with those pesky demons - you deserve to be able to enjoy life without them poking their noses in.Thinking 'it will be effective' is a first step.  Let me know how you progress my forum buddy.

Free legal advice representative arranged by hubby's bank spent over an hour chatting to us and guiding us the requirements of going through Probate plus the options available to us.  Very interesting and helpful and have a couple of other bits to sort out as regards notifications as well as enquiring about ongoing benefits for me (another long phone call booked with DWP this afternoon!!). We have a further solicitor to 'check out' towards end of the month and then decisions to be made as to the best way for us to proceed (lucky to have two 'on the ball' kids and their other halves.

Lump in the throat moment this morning as I had to empty the car (still had his fishing gear in from his last outing) as its off to be valetted this weekend and then we can arrange sale (useful information we were given yesterday too).

Have also been asked to go on a couple of mini breaks in April (one with each of the children) and work has granted my holiday dates so booking can be completed.  It will do all of us good to have these to look forward to and be a mini step forwards before arranging to holiday on my own (if my Mum could do this as 82 am sure I should follow her lead)Wink.

The Isle of Man three should have arrived on the mainland last night and are staying with friends until the funeral on Monday but hoping we can catch up before then (we have had lenghty conversations on the phone). Planning to take the 'dignity' my hubby showed in this respect forward as this would be his wish and they deserve to follow their own dreams in their retirement.

Well, thats a lot of rambling for one morning.  Have a good day.  Hugs Jules x



Re: My Journey Continues

15 Jan 2015 08:59 in response to jules54

Good its going okay for you Jules. 

Thinking of you all



Re: My Journey Continues

15 Jan 2015 10:28 in response to jules54

Hi Jules,

I really admire the way you are coping and so pleased you are getting so much support from your family as I know how much this support means from when I lost my mother. How lovely that your two grandchildren have drawn pictures for grandad to take with him. Children never cease to amaze me. When I heard those words "You have cancer", one of the first things that flashed through my mind was that I might not see my three grandchildren grow up, or get married and start families of their own and that was a frightening prospect for me. I am also pleased that your mother is also offering you support.

My talk went off very well thank you and I had several people who shook my hand afterwards and thanked me. The people I gave my talk to were senior clinicians, doctors ect and at the end of my talk I thanked them for all the work they do behind the scenes, for what they do makes peoples cancer journey easier and helps acchieve a better outcome for the patient. I was able to tell them, I couldnt fault the service I recieved fron all levels of the N.H.S. during my treatment and will alway remember the laughs I had with the radiotherapy staff. Also made an interesting new contact for the local charity I belong to. I was rushed off my feet last night at the wood club as a lot of members paid up. Didnt take long to drop of to sleep last night as a result.

Glad you were helped yesterday regarding probate. When I was dealing with my mothers funeral, I hadnt realized how much there was to arrange. Just when I thought I had finished, something else needed doing. I could only take a couple of days off so trying to do the rest while working made it more difficult.

Take care of your self Jules as you start this new phase and journey of your life. Sending big hugs to you, Brian.


Re: My Journey Continues

16 Jan 2015 00:11 in response to jules54

Hi Jules, just wanted to touch base and let you know that I'm thinking of you as you take this journey to its' conclusion on Monday. Having said that however, we know that Monday won't be the finish for you or your family, but just the beginning of the next phase. Right now you are busy doing things that need to be done and that occupies your mind and your time. That will continue after Monday as well, but gradually will phase out to the finish. Grieving is a process and even though you saw this coming at some level because of your husband's illness, that grieving will continue, although will be less intense as time goes on. Stay in touch on the forum and let us know how you are. We know that the months/years ahead will certainly be different for you as you adjust to a "new normal" way of life. My thoughts will be with you.



Re: My Journey Continues

16 Jan 2015 07:14 in response to woodworm

Steven, thank you for your kinds words and hope you and your wife are doing okay too.


I think the GP knew how much I would be having to attend to in these early days and that is why she 'awarded me' a month's bereavement leave (company has been very supportive all the way along and I could have had unpaid leave at any time but she felt I should not lose money!).  I saw her yesterday (she appears to have now taken me onto her patient list) and we chatted about hubby and how I am coping and I see her again the day after I return to work as she wants to ensure that I am OK - very appreciative of her outlook especially as I am sure she has much needier patients than me.

Its great that you can give talks to people working in the cancer field and am sure everyone benefits from it too.  Hopefully after being so busy with this and your Wood Club duties you will have a bit of 'me and Mrs B time'.

My in-laws finally managed to get over late last night (bad weather led to previous evening's flight being cancelled).  As yet am not sure if I will see them before the funeral on Monday.  I have more appointments today and they have to rely on the friend they are staying with for 'wheels' though we could manage to get together using public transport if needs be. We have, of course, had a few long chats on the phone.

Another mini mishap yesterday, eldest grandson suffered a nasty nosebleed and had to go to A&E (he had a knock at school the previous day and they thought he may have broken his nose!!  After a morning at the hospital waiting for 'bleed' to stop, he was examined - no break but he has been referred to ENT dept at another hospital (appointment within 5 days apparently) and may need cauterization procedure.Sent home with orders to keep him quiet and rested - have they met my 6yr old grandsonLaugh

Well best do the rest of my mail before  getting off to next appointent(or interent link fails (weather playing havoc with connections).

Wishing you and Mrs B a peaceful day and weekend ahead.  Jules x