Oh Jo,

I do feel for you. When someone we love has cancer, It does make us feel so helpless even more so when its terminal. I have lost several family members to cancer so I understand how you feel. Sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way, Brian.

Who have you got around whom you can ask tonight/tomorrow to see and just let anger and fear and panic and resentment and spite out of your body and soul for 5 minutes - then you might be able to breathe for 5 minutes and start all over again as a mad woman who hates the world.  If you can - try and leave the house tomorrow and get the space to shout at the world and it will change nothing and will only help for seconds....but there is no sense to what you and your son and your soul mate are facing.  Be angry and then strong - Sian