I'm so sorry to welcome you to the forum under such sad circumstances and on behalf of the moderation team I would like to offer you our sincerest and heartfelt condolences on the passing of your husband.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you right now, especially having been together for so long, but I wanted to assure you that you are not alone. Many members here are also coping with the grief of losing a loved one and I'm sure some of them will reply soon to offer their support and advice.

I have included some information about coping with grief which I hope will be of some help to you at this time Ginaandme but keep chatting to us when you can and we will do all we can to help you through.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you so much. I read  every day coping with grief, but I feel so much hurt, pain, loss within me. Our good memories help me at times, but I miss him so much.

Hi Ginaand me - welcome to the forum.

So sorry to read about the recent loss of your husband to this terrible disease.

Try not to wonder about what you might have done differently, you did your best and no-one can ask for more. What works for one patient has no benefit for another and there seems to be a lot of random luck involved.

Sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to prevent our loved ones from dying and that is often very hard to accept. My Mum believed her own death was God's will and she took comfort from that belief during her final days. 

Best wishes

Dave

So sorry you are suffering so much and also beating yourself up because you feel you did something wrong.  I am with davek on this one; you did your very best and nobody could have done more.  I think we have all had questions after a loved one has died - should I have done this, said that but really I think it doesn't  matter very much when the love you bear your partner is shown in your daily actions.  There is no time limit on grieving but try to be kinder to yourself.  As you say it is very hard.

I'm sorry to hear the passing of your husband

I too lost my husband - I lost him 7weeks ago to bowel cancer that metastasised to his liver. He fought his cancer with immense dignity and stoicism. The pain of his loss is tangible and at times unbearable. My teenage children are an enormous source of comfort as is our 4 month old puppy Lily who came when my husband started to deteriorate.

The grief is raw and worse at night - I look at photos of him and this does help as does playing music and walking and swimming. But at times I feel overwhelmed by his absence.  I understand your pain but I’m convinced that over time you will be able to manage it. I’m also going to go for bereavement  counselling as I feel it will help me to talk to someone removed from the situation who will listen and allow me to talk in a safe space.

i wish you well and send you hugs.