Hello there, I am so sorry to read of your husbands diagnosis. It is heart breaking isn’t it? I am in a similar situation. And I too struggle with the thought  of carrying on without him.  All I can see stretched out in front of me is emptiness.  But, and I appreciate everyone is different, the rawness of such a terrible diagnosis does soften after a while. You don’t say how long ago your husband was diagnosed but I’m guessing not long given he has only  had one cycle of treatment. Steve, my husband, is also very active. He is determined to carry on working for as long as he can, it’s really important to his mental health so I will go along with that for as long as it makes sense, healthwise. 

I think The important thing here is not to think too far ahead. There’s lots of help on this forum from people who have walked this path ahead of us. [@Caz07]‍ Offered some great advice the other day. She said take each new day as a completely blank canvas. You have no idea what the day will bring, how your husband will feel, so you just have to go with the flow and make the most of what time you have.

Secondly, try to do lots of things together. It’s a terrible cliche but make memories. I can’t count how many times I have been told to do that and every time somebody said it my heart screamed that I don’t want memories I want my husband. But memories Will make you laugh, cry and smile. They will keep you connected.  Take a walk together, go to the pictures, dance around the living room, go to the pub, go away for a weekend, cuddle up on the sofa – you don’t need to do anything extravagant but take lots of photos. you will be so glad you did. 

 Third, and equally as important please look after yourself. As primary carer if you start going downhill physically you will not be able to support your husband. So take time to have that facial, that long bubble bath, that cup of coffee with your best friend or  that pair of shoes you have been hanging your nose over.  You deserve it.

 Finally, and then I’ll shut up,  don’t bottle up your feelings.Talk about them, it will help.  It feels very lonely but you are not alone there is always someone here to help and support. 

 I wish you lots of luck, courage and strength.  And to your husband as much time as his treatment can possibly buy him.

Ruth x

Hi thanks for responding. 

It's good to talk. My husband had been referred for curative treatment to Basingstoke but unfortunately the cancer has spread further than the peritoneum. So they refused to see him. 

We were devastated. He never smoked or rarely took a drink like your husband. 

My son reads up everything.  He sent us a research article carried out by Japanese scientists. 

'7 benefits from walking in the woods'. Your immune system is made up of NK cells which help to fight cancer which are stimulated while walking through the woods. We just laughed but we went to the local park and parked the car. Opened the windows sat in silence for a while then had a chat. We then come home feeling more relaxed. Suppose I'd try anything. Maria

 Just being out in the fresh air does your body and soul the world of good.  What a shame for your husband that things have progressed so far. Let’s hope what ever medication and treatment  he is offered helps. 

 It is a terrible, terrible disease. I find myself hoping that if S has to die  then he goes before any pain, suffering or indignity sets in.  I love him too much to see him suffer in anyway. And if being without him for longer saves him any of that then bring it on!  I can’t believe I am going to be a widow in my middle 50s, whilst I know there are people in much, much worse situations than me (my beloved niece died two years ago at the age of 29 leaving two young sons and her husband) it’s very difficult not to feel sorry for oneself. 

 But, I wake up every day Maria and the first thing I say to myself is “he is not going to die today. What can I do to make today special?“. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it is too much of a burden.  So, my advice is always, one step at a time, one day at a time. Keep in touch and lots of luck to you all. 

Ruth xx