13 days ago i lost the love of my life. My husband was 51 and we had been married for 27 years. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2013 and after surgery and chemo he was clear until March last year just four weeks before our daughters wedding, when he was given 12 months to live he lived for 18 months. He was so brave and positive during this fight and was convinced he would beat this terrible disease, he was the one who kept us all going, he never complained and never gave in. During his last month he struggled to eat and lost so much weight and was constantly sick he literally wasted away it was heartbreaking. Still he never complained but his frustration with himself at not being able to do anything and at the end being confused was something I could hardly bare to watch. I lost my husband during those three weeks slowly one day at a time and although i knew what was coming i cannot accept that he has gone. He died at home with me and our children at his side as i was determined that he would be here with us. I just can't imagine a life without him, we did everything together as a family. He was my best friend and although i have lots of support i am just so lonely and all i want is my husband back. It's the funeral on Thursday, just saying that sentence out loud sounds like i'm talking about someone else........