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My heart is breaking.

27 Jan 2018 23:49

Hi everyone,

my grandma was diagnosed with bowel cancer in December and we found out yesterday that she is too high risk for surgery, so basiacally...we now have to wait for nature to take its course. 

I see my grandma everyday and have done for around 4/5 years now so naturally, I’m absolutely heartbroken. I spent both yesterday and today crying but tonight me and my mam clashed over the situation. She told me that I need to pull myself together because I’m not the only one that this is affecting. She then went on to state that my grandma has no idea what she’s about to face (being in pain etc.) and that she probably won’t be here at Christmas. The best part is, after those comments, she told me to stop dwelling on things! 

I just don’t know what to do!

Re: My heart is breaking.

28 Jan 2018 00:58 in response to laura_

Hello laura.  Sorry about your grandmother being so ill. 

It is natural for you to be upset and of course your mam is upset too.  When we are upset we react differently but once the initial shock is over you should try to communicate with each other about how you are feeling .  Then you can support each other and work together to care for your grandmother in the coming months.  I have cared for friends with cancer and what they all seemed to want was to be treated the same as they were before their illness - they are still the same person - and have normal life go on around them.   It is not always easy for the carers - trying not to cry in front of them as it adds to their worries.  I remember when my mum died how much she wanted to be treated normally even though she had terminal cancer and not very long to live!  So I smiled for her and chatted as much as possible about the everyday things in which she was interested.    Everyone has their own way of coping and you will soon find out what makes your grandmother happiest.  Quietly do things that will make her most comfortable and happy.  You will manage because you will want to do the best for her. Once you and your mam are working together on this you can be of great support to each other when one of you is having a bad time. 

I hope you will continue to chat with us if it makes you feel better or you just want to say how you are feeling.

Re: My heart is breaking.

1 Feb 2018 10:47 in response to laura_

Hi. So sorry for your grandma and how this is making you feel. I understand as i am in the same boat with my mum  dying from bowel cancer and it is heart breaking and very difficult but I try to remain positive and how I normally would be with mum.  We all react differently and with my family it is the same.  Thinking of you at this difficult time

 Take care xxxx