Hi EmLP

Really sorry to read about the loss of your Grandad. It is such a recent loss so it’s no wonder you’re feeling like this xx 

My experience of loss was the same as yours...constant state of anxiety and a fear of also suffering the same....but my experience is that this did wear off and I started to feel better as the days and weeks went on. 

You might not be able to stop thinking those scary thoughts....trying to stop them likely won’t work....but you can control how your react to them. If you have scary thought you could take a step back and force yourself into thinking rationally about it. For example, “I am so young and cancer is rare at my age”...xx 

It must be difficult to hold back your feelings in front of you family...I could imagine that’s a lot of pressure to deal with. This terrible loss is just as bad for you and...they’re your family. They will more than likely support you through any upset moments...I think you will find this a real comfort at this time xx 

If things are really unbearable, please have a chat to your GP too...they may well be able to offer you some support xx of course you’re welcome to come back here any time too xx

Hi there, 

Im so sorry that you're feeling like this. The previous poster is so right. It's not surprising that you feel like this right now. You've been through an awful experience, it's very painful and hard to cope with, no wonder you are suffering now. I think how you're feeling is natural but your anxiety is spiralling so I would definitely see your doctor to talk over how you feel. I'd also be kind to yourself, not just for now but going forward. Lots of relaxing bubble baths, eating healthily and just taking time out for you. When my dad got diagnosed I started panicking thinking that other family members would get it too and myself. I had all sorts of aches and pains and kept thinking what if? But I know why I was doing it and I think it's natural. You may need some counselling especially as you're feeling you can't cry in front of your mum and grandma. They're not suffering more than you. You are all in it together and everyone is hurting. I think I'd start by seeing the doctor and talking it over. It will make you feel better just to let someone know how it's impacted on you. I hope you're ok today. Take care. We are all here for you. Xxx