My father has advanced renal cancer

Hello. We found out 2 weeks before Christmas that my father had cancer. Then on the 22nd December we were told there is nothing they can do. He had kidney cancer 10 years ago and lost a kidney to this. As it was contained he never needed treatment. But went for 6 month checks for 5 years then yearly checks. May 2018 was going to be his last check. He started getting shoulder pain in june /july 2017. He was told it was a frozen shoulder. Then in october i was concerned about hos speech ,whilst chatting on the phone. So i went round he was in bed not responding. I called an ambulance and he was taken to Kings college hosp. His pottisum levels were high. He was there for 10 days. Then sent home then he collasped and went in again a week later. With high callium levels. They injected his shoulder with a steriod. He came out and 2 weeks later i called the doctor who sent a nurse to do bloods. His callicum was up again. He went into Lewisham hosp he was there 3 days they did lots of scans. Found a massive tumour in his should and tumours in his arm. Tumours in his remaining kidney. He was in for 10 days they then found. He had cancer in his spine lungs and liver. I am devasted and so angry that they did not find this earlier. He told me that there was a cyst on his kidney the last 2 times he had his year checks and guys said it was nothing to worry about. He is off to Guys hosp tomorrow. Can i complain ? 

  • Hi Netty71. Welcome to our forum, and I'm sorry that you have to be here at all.

    With the exception of the nurses who work office hours, we're not medically qualified here. We're mainly cancer patients and cancer carers. This means that we can't give medical diagnoses at all.

    First off, I'm very sorry to hear your dad is in this situation, especially as everything seemed to be going so well with his cancer. From what little I know of kidney cancer, usually recurrence occurs within the first five years. Although it does happen after 5 years, it's pretty unusual. It is also possible that this wasn't a recurrence at all, but rather a new primary cancer.  I'm not a doctor so that's about as far as I can speculate on why your dad is now in this situation.

    You ask if you can complain. That is understandable and you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel angry at this situation. The GMC and each hospital web site should have information on the steps you need to initiate a complaint, but no one expects doctors to be 100% perfect 100% of the time, because that simply isn't possible. If the doctors treating your dad took the most reasonable steps given the information they had available, then a complaint won't achieve much. 

    I suggest that there are now more practical matters, such as helping your dad decide where and how he will spend the days he has left. I'm sure other member of the forum will be able to assist.

     

  • Telemando thank you for your reply. It's very hard for me. I cry most days as i don't want to lose my Dad. I just found out an hour ago that my sister in law who is my brother's wife has cancer again for a 3rd time. So that has upset me also.  In december 2016 my son had a tumour in his leg which turned out to be benign thank god. It's one thing after another . Its nice to talk to others about this who understand 

  • Hi Netty71

    What you're feeling now is 100% normal.  My father, who had been chronically ill for some time, was suddenly rushed into hospital one day, and in less than 12 hours had passed. I was in a daze and pretty much unable to function for weeks afterwards. 

    Really, words are insufficient right now, but if you feel the need to talk, cry or rant then we're here to listen. 

  • Found out my wife has inoperable bowel cancer Monday before Christmas. I've always bottled my feelings up, but every time I was alone I cried. Part of me felt guilty that I might be  crying for selfish reasons - I would be alone with 3 kids to bring up - but I know it was also for other more (or equally) 'valid' reasons, such as pain & discomfort she is/will go through, the children knowing it could be last Xmas with mum, I feel so bad for her parents, too, knowing how devastated I'd be if it was my daughter.  

    Someone said "I can only imagine how awful it must be." I thought, yep, I'd imagined it before when I'd heard of people in similar position. It's just like it, only much worse. Time we spend together, though is now far more precious. Hope you're coping ok. All you can do is be there and cuddle them as much as you can.

  • Thank you. Means a lot , we saw the cancer doctor yesterday. If he takes a pill they are trialing he may live to a year or 2 years. They can not cure it but manage it but if he has no treatment. He has 3 to 4 months left he said. So fingers crossed this works. He said he is 75 and has had a good life and if it doesn't work it's one of those things. That made me upset 

  • Rob d it must be hard seeing your  wife with cancer and very ill  i feel for you. All you can do is be there for her as i am for my father and sister in law. I just hope no more family members get this horrible disease . Its one thing after another at the moment. Sending my love and prayers