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My dad passed two months ago

12 Oct 2019 22:31

Me and my father had a very difficult relationship. He left my mum when I was 7 years old. And he was also deaf. I used to stay round his every fortnight and we used to watch films and go play golf. I loved spending time with him. 

then 3 years ago he started getting distant with our whole family. My mum and my brother didn't know what was going on. 
after almost 6 months of not hearing from him, he came round and told me that he had cancer. It was the first time I saw him cry and it broke my heart. We started seeing eachother again but not as much as we used to. He was tired and didn't have much energy. Once again he went quite for around 4 months. 

but I was reassured that he was completely fine after his second surgery, when I saw him last Christmas, like we did every year. Since Christmas I saw him 3 times for only 10 minutes each time. I got into trouble at school but I didn't care. It would help get rid of the feeling that he didn't care about me anymore. 
 

on August 24th I got a phone call from my step mum saying that he had been rushed into hospital and he had a few days to live. My mum was away at the time so only me and my older brother went to see him. He was unconscious and his eyes were yellow. My brother left the room but I stayed with him for 3 hours, holding his hand for every second of it. 2 hours after we got back home I received a message telling me that he had passed away. 
 

it's been a month and a half dance he passed. And everyday I think of how I have failed as a daughter. I wish I didn't get in trouble at school. I wish I had seen him more. And I wish that I was there when he passed. 
 

I guess I'm just worried as I sit my GCSE's in 6 months. I don't want to fail and do bad. He was my biggest supporter and would have wanted the best for me. I'm worried that I'm gonna be distracted in the exam hall and not do as good as I can. 
 

sorry that I rambled Sad x

My dad passed two months ago

13 Oct 2019 18:32 in response to xx_3lli3

Hi so sorry your suffering but you shouldnt be blaming yourself for not seeing your dad so much he should have made contact more not you ime a dad and at the moment ive all sorts wrong with me but i dont tell my adult children everything as dads dadt to protect there kids from pain i would say thats what your dad was doing protecting you dosnt sound like you faild him at all you did ok the best you could its funny ive read some people wait till there alone to die and otheres hang on .your dad will want you to have great life just as i do one day you may have children yourself then you will truely understand the love a parant has for there children like your dad had with you he may be watching you ow makeing sure yor ok our physical bodys wear out but all the energies still there but like energie we cant see it but we know its there.paul