Hey kelly, I’m going through the same issue with my father, not knowing how much time i have left with him, he has bladder cancer plus heart problems, the only part that I can’t control is him refusing treatment during a whole year of both cancer and heart problems, aside that he is refusing treatment he is also doing everything doctors asked him not to do, he is 65 years old now, before the cancer he looked like hes 40 and now after just a year he looks like hea in his 80s and I’m still hopeless because i know that he is going through a depression state in his life due to the health surprises, and i can never try to speak to him about his condition because thats when he starts getting all angry at me telling me that hea fine when hes not, I’m alone in all this mess aswell, all i can tell you is stay as close to him as possible, these are the days where you need to be by his side. 

I'm so sad and sorry you are going through this Kelly - I wish I had the answers for you. All I can suggest is maybe email the nurses on here or even phone up - I found them really helpful when I felt at a loss as to what I could do for Dad.

I found that you do kind of grieve even before your loved one passes over - the whole 7 months since my Dad was diagnosed with mesothelioma (lung cancer due to asbestos) its been one hell of a rollercoaster ride for us all and for him too.

I actually do suffer with agoraphobia/anxiety/despression and have done for 17 years - and due to my issues I didnt really spend much time with him - something I'm going to have live with. But, what I did do at the end was I was with him and our family for the 23 hours before he passed. I hope he knows I was there x

Please be kind to yourself....if you need help please ask for it - there are lots of helplines out there plus you can always have a chat with your GP.

Hi Kelly, I have never posted on a forum before, but I lost my Dad to cancer last October, just 3 months after he was diagnosed. I went through similar feelings of anger and despair. I remembering reading these posts wanting answers and hope, and today for the first time since he’s passed something made me want to come on here and see if I could help anyone who was in my situation those few months ago. I would recommend getting help from the Macmillan or Farleigh nurses in your area. Has your Dad been assigned any yet? They will really help with supporting you too. And if there is any way you can free more time up to be with your Dad, then do it. I 100% believe this to be the most important advice I could give you. Finally, allow yourself to feel all the feelings as they come...anger, sadness, loss, and everything else in between. It’s the hardest thing I’ve been through, and I promise that although you’ll never be the same, it will be easier over time and the cliche of time is a healer is very true. You will find a new normal and you will be ok. But make as many memories as you can with him, and do as much talking as you can.

And although you feel (quite rightly) ripped off that he’s probably not going to be in your life for as long as you expected, try and think of all the wonderful times shared between you. How lucky you are to have him as your Dad. Cherish the good memories and what he has bought to your life. Remember that although he’s only been around for that amount of years, he has achieved a lot and has a lot of love around him. Good luck and I’m truly sorry you are going through this pain. Shelley

Kelly, when my dad was first diagnosed I had many anxiety attakcs as well and still do, althoughn less frequent. I suffer from anxiety very badly and growing up, losing a parent was always a fear of mine so this makes it even worse. I kind of ignored it at first because it was too painful for me to see it, but I talked with my dad about my anxieties with this siutation and it really helped me. I channel my anxiety now and use it to help my dad like cooking and cleaning for him. All my energy goes ot something useful so I am so worn out by the end of the day I can't be upset. It's normal to be anxious though, and I understand how you are feeling. Greiving before his death I think is normal because the way I think, the dad I had a year ago has already passed. He will never be able to do the things he used to. I don't want you to regret not being there for your dad. I think your anxiety would be worse. Take care xxx.

Hi . 

My dad has just been diagnosed with lung & liver cancer . Low sodium & a small bleed to the brain .

he has only a few months left with us . My sister & I live in Peterborough & our dad is in Liverpool . We have been to see him & going again next weekend , I’m scared of the road ahead we have and what to excpect or what to say to him or do to make memories whilst he is still able to communicate with us 

Hello Kelly, my dad died of cancer a few years ago and I'm only young so it was really hard. But when he was here and was suffering with this awful illness, watching him everyday getting worse was so hard. But luckily I had my friends there for me. How I coped with this was talking to someone, maybe a friend, collegue, or even your dad. Anyone to talk to helps a lot. One time I saw him and he looked awful. And I just couldn't take it. So I spoke to a tutor at my school and she helped me get through it a lot. Everyday after school I would meet up with her and have a long talk about how my day was. Sometimes we would both cry. And then when he died it happened the day before my birthday. And that was so hard. But trust me. Everything will be ok. If you just believe that it will be fine. And I hope your dad is ok because knowing that someone might go through the same thing I did is heartbreaking. Hope your ok x

Hi Kelly,

I know you posted this in 2018 but I was searching for help myself and stumbled across your post.

Your situation very much resembles mine right now in the way that you lived in a different town & he was 54.

I too feel like I am being stripped of our time together & finding it difficult as I'm trying to stay strong but I am already grieving.

I hope you are in a much better place now & just wanted to message to say everything you've gone through sounds very similar to what I am experiencing. Your post has led me onto the advice that you received that I am using for my own reading. 
 

All the best to you & hope you are ok.

xx

Kelly,

I promise you that you are stronger than you think. 
 

I can't say much else because I only founds out my dads diagnosis at the weekend. All I can say is that I can sense your pain and fear and I resonate hard. 
 

love and light to you Kelly. My thoughts are with you. 
 

c xx