Hi I just read your post and felt so sad. You are in the situation my two daughters and son are with their dad, my husband. 
 

the only thing I can say to you is try to make the most of him while he's here. We are all trying to do that. It's so hard. I look at the pain in their eyes/faces and it breaks my heart, on top of watching my husband suffer. 
 

Has anyone rechecked his medication levels? Please don't be scared to contact the drs or his assigned nurse and ask. It could be that one of the drugs is a bit too strong. I hope this is of some help to you. 
 

We had this with my husband. His palliative chemo dose was reduced and it made a big difference to his quality of life. He has pregabalin as well as morphine for pain relief. He has oramorph too for breakthrough pain. 
 

My husband was given 4-6 months to live last January. He's still here. He has good days and bad days, days where he doesn't function well. All I can do is try to make him laugh a bit,we've destroyed countless songs with our silly rude versions of them and cried with laughter. I try to make memories with him, while I can. 
 

I so feel for you and I can relate to the crushing feeling. I can relate to the feeling of grief. I said to a close friend after a few weeks of his diagnosis, that I felt like this was a living grief. I still feel the same but I'm mindful that I have to make the most of him while he's still here. 
 

I do hope that maybe your dads meds can be tweaked so he's a bit more able to function. It must've been one hell of a shock to him and you all.
 

My husband said that when they said he was terminal he didn't hear anything else he was focused in his head on the one word. His mental state isn't always good and I do my best to support him. 
 

Please take care, remember you are not alone. You've got your family, hopefully a good friend and this site to be with you. I'm sending all my love to you

Do you have a Macmillan nurse? Or someone similar. Ours is a godsend

love Kuiper
 

Hello

My husband died on 30 September and I keep going over that last month: did I talk to him, did I comfort him? I can't remember, it is all a blur. So my advice is to make sure you talk to him when he is lucid, talk about happy memories, how he feels and your feelings for him. You are already grieving for the security of knowing your Dad was there for you. Make the most of the time you have so that you won't feel regrets later. I wish I could have that last month again, although it was hard, just to be sure that I did everything I could to comfort my husband.

Ronnie

I feel exactly the same right now. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 years ago.but had six months of chemo and no cancer since but she has had pain since summer and finally got a scan a couple of weeks ago which shows it is back and has spread to her liver. She has been told 6 months with no chemo or maybe a year to 18 months with chemo..I have the same crushing feeling as you describe and an.empty nauseous feeling in my stomach. She is 80 and I cannot imagine ever being happy again. It does not help that she is so scared of death and is also crying a lot as is my dad who worships her. I don't have children and am not close to my dad or sister. I am married but feel so alone. I cannot imagine how I can sustain this level of misery and keep my job which I really need. I live an hour and a half from my mum and and worried about not having enough time with her due to work and distance. Sorry to hijack your post but I guess what I am saying is this is hell but obviously normal and hopefully we will find people who can make us believe that time will heal us eventually. 

Hi

So sorry to hear about your dad. 
My family have found out today and I can't cope.

I can't stop crying! I feel like My heart is being stamped on it hurts! It hurts so much!

I don't know how I'll keep going, I know I have to but I can't think of my live without my dad.

My daughter is only 14 months and adores her grandad! And my dad adores her!

I can't cope!

I haven't stopped crying! I don't know what to do with myself! 
 

Hi all. I just found out yesterday my Dad - who I ADORE - has inoperable cancer, which may have spread. Still waiting on details of how long he has but it's not looking good. It's totally out of the blue - he is a healthy 76 year old who walks 20km per day. It's crushing. He is literally the best dad anyone could ever wish for. An incredible father in every way. I am so grateful to him for existing.  BUT so far he and my mum are taking it incredibly. I write the following because it helps me and may help someone out there. We all have a birth day and a death day. None of us know where we were before birth or where we are going after death. Both are check points on an incredible adventure. For me death is a transition - to a new unknown phase - and this life is one pit stop on our journey. Yet we celebrate birth days, while treating the death day as a tragedy. On death there is no worldly stress - our duties are over, we can as they say 'rest in peace'. I think that treating death as a tragedy exacerbates the grief of saying good bye to loved ones and also creates fear around the whole topic. We try to forget all about death while we live - and often live in fear of it. But living with conscious acceptance of death makes us more free in life and helps us to deal with death when it comes for us or our loved ones. If we can start to see death as another check point on the journey - rather than a tragic and final end, it takes some of the sharpest pain out of dealing with it. None of us have a clue what it is - so it's not about being 'right'. Simply, what's the best way to look at it? I'm lucky my parents both always saw death like a transition. My dad has lived a good life and feels blessed for the time we have all had. I feel so lucky to have him in my life and to get the chance to be near him right to the end and to plan our goodbyes rather than lose him suddenly. I will be there to the last minute and wish him peace and beauty every minute he has left on this earth and into the next realm too. And the greatest gift I can give him now is to celebrate life with him while he is here and help him pass on to wherever he is headed shrouded in love and gratitude and good energy. I'll be a mess when it hits me and I will miss him so much, but deep down I have never seen death as something horrible in and of itself. All we can do in the face of death - the great force that trumps us all - is to try to be brave and meet it with a smiling heart. We can't control the grief we feel and repressing it doesn't always help. But trying to see death and birth as two parts of the same great mystery is really helping me to frame this as something I can deal with. I wish all of you who are going through this love amidst the pain, strength inside your anguish, and light inside the dark. 

I found out a few days ago (it's Christmas day today) that my dad has lung cancer.

My dad is the one I love most in this world.

He is the main provider for my mum, brother, sister and her 4 kids so I don't know how they will manage without him.

My dad has been there for everyone and has always helped me and gone out if his way to help others.

He is the kindest.

I speak with my dad everyday and cannot imagine life without him.

I have such a special bond with my dad like no other.

He is the only person that truly gets me we even finish each others sentences.

I am so sad as I will never get that with anyone else.

He is also 54.

I am 34 in January and am the oldest of my 4 siblings.

I can see the pain in everyone's eyes and my dad is just not himself.

Just when I see a hint of a smile it fades into an empty stare and it breaks my heart.

He loves all of his grandchildren so much and my sister is moving over with her 4 kids from America because they are homeless.

We have not yet told my sister as we want her to enjoy Christmas with the kids.

Seeing her send videos of the kids having fun is the only thing that gives me comfort.

Although I know that she is going to be crushed and will find it very difficult to cope as she also speaks with my dad everyday.

I wish life wasn't so cruel.

I pray for you and just know you are not alone.

I give you a virtual hug from afar x x.

Hi Everyone xx

My dad found out a week ago that he has bowel cancer and it's spread to his liver and his spine.

Devastated doesn't even come close to how we are feeling.

I sympathize deeply with all of you.

We've not been told the options yet or how long dad will have, or if treatment is even an option.

My children are 5 years old and they love him so so much, everytime they see him on video they light up and so does dad.

I'm just so angry. It's not fair, non of it is. Dad is only 68 years old.

I'm so sorry to read this. 
When I found out my dad had stage four cancer I spent more and more time with him. We were always very close but I made sure to spend as much time as possible with him. That's all I can really suggest.   Talk to him. Tell him you love him.  
It's so hard.  I know how you feel and I'm sorry. 

My Dad is 73 and we found out today he has oesophageal cancer which has spread to his liver and potentially other organs. He is still having treatment from prostate cancer 2 years ago. 
They can't operate or give radiotherapy. His only option is chemo but at the moment they won't even do that as he's so weak. He's only been ill for 6 weeks. The consultant today said without treatment we are looking at 6-12 months. If he's accepted for chemo- this could extend to 18months to 2 years but he could be really ill  with side effects. 
I've not stopped crying all day. I can't bare the thought of my life without my dad. My kids without their grandad who they adore. I'm so angry that my dad has to deal with this. 

It's devastating isn't it.

My children also adore their grandad. Dad lights up everytime we speak to him.

At the moment we're waiting to see if dad can have spine surgery first before any sort of treatment.

Even more devastating for you Jo that dad has already had cancer once.