my dad has lung cancer and was given the news that he has 2-4 weeks left of life.
first of all I’d like to say that it is a very strange relationship I have with my father, he has never been physically abusive but always verbally and mentally he has a strong mind and always had people waiting on him as to not get his back up.
well his final wish was to die at home, my mum has unfortunately over the years isolated herself from the outside world and I know she can’t do this alone.
we both took time off work so he could have his final wish and pass away at home. We are now in week 2 and I am physically and mentally exhausted, he has gotten extremely nasty lately throwing things and saying horrible things
I don’t know I just keep telling myself how much of a horrible person I am I did care for 7 years and although it’s different with family the care side still gets carried out the same way and he is treated with nothing but the dignity he needs care love and respect, so why do I feel so absolutely useless why does he continue to be so evil god only knows how I will cope when his time comes if his final words are bitter and hurtful.
while in the first week I thought we bonded for the first time in my whole life, he actually said he loved me he has not said that to any of his children told my mum how much he is happy about me being there I just don’t know how to cope anymore with it all I am so exhausted
all my life I longed for a loving father, the week of his diagnosis of end of life care I got that, 1 single week of my whole life and I feel selfish so selfish this his is time, but what more can I do, I care for him, I look out for my mother, my brother doesn’t handle it well so I reassure him the family is asking me for regular updates I am organising as much as possible for his funeral and the funding of it that I have to put on a credit card, my college course has come to an abrupt end, my daughter and my partner are at home and I only see them when they come to visit and no matter how hard I try he does not appreciate what I do I’m just so lost