Hello Charlotte, 

My dad has the same thing as yours. It is shocking how fast things are happening and i am feeling helpless. There is nothing you can do other than be there for him as much as you can. My best friend lost her father the same way and all she can say to me is to stray strong for now and somehow peace will come at somepoint. 

Hi Charlotte, 

I'm so sorry about your Dad. My Dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer 7 years ago. He's been a real fighter, but it has recently taken a hold of him and he's got a lot worse. 

Nothing I can say, or anything anyone can say can make anything that you're going through better. Cancer is a cruel, relentless disease that doesn't care who it hurts. 

But what I can say to you is that although he is not the Dad you once knew... it because of that time, love and strength that you, your brother and your mum have the strength to get through this. The time you had and have with your Dad is yours, no one can take it away from you. Cherish it.

You will never find the answer to why him, why you, why now etc. The answer to those questions won't make you feel any better. 

Its okay to feel like you are not coping, and to worry that you won't be able to cope without him. Who could say they would? But the most important thing to remember it that you're not alone. Your mum and brother are with you... and they need you too. 

Hi, my name is Michelle, my husband was diagnosed on his 50th birthday with a grade 4 brain tumour. He has had the tumour removed but we know that's just the start of his journey. 

Its a cruel desease.

I have 3 children who idolise my darling husband. 

If if you need to talk, I'm here x

Thank you for your response, it sounds silly but it is comforting to know there are other people experiencing the same situation. It is true to feel helpless. There are possibilities of chemo and radiation but when the illness cannot be cured it can be difficult understanding things are out of my hands. That I have no control. I do hope peace will come at some point xx

Thank you for responding. Time is everything. He has all the support he could possibly ask for. It's difficult when the illness and drugs take over his thoughts, sometimes he says things which we know aren't coming from his old true self and it is this cruel cancer that is taking control. they do often say that it is the illness speaking xx

Thank you for your response. Sounds very much like what my dad is going through. He is 59, we can only hope he reaches 60 in august. Surgeon took out the tumours but with grade 4 they grow back quickly which makes the process difficult. Is your husband having chemo or radiotherapy? If they can provide him with either that is a very good sign they can help prolong life. Sometimes it is the family members that need support too. Of course the cancer patient is receiving the correct care but it is mentally draining on the family members. There are days where I am strong but there are days when it hits me, over thinking the worst, and the possible future.  Same for my mum and brother. Mum has found it the hardest. She doesn't know what to do whilst dad isn't at home.  xx

Hi

I know exactly how you feel. My dad has terminal cancer. He has kidney cancer which has spread to his brain. He had the brain tumor removed and it affected his mobility. He was working on improving his mobility and was told the brian tumor had returned and its a matter of time. He is now bed bound, has lost a lot of weight and cant move his right arm or leg. He is back home but has very bad wind as he is lying in bed all the time as is too tired to sit in a chair. This wind is causing him a lot of pain. I am struggling watching my dad go through this and like you cant understand why my dad and why us. My dad was a fit and healthy man until this with no health issues. My dad is also struggling mentally and doesnt have the concentation that he used to, says very little, doesnt talk about how he is feeling and loses his temper easily which I am finding all very difficult. I know what you mean about missing your dad. He is still here but things are all different and again like you I cant stop thinking how are we going to cope without him and how different life will be.

Its so good to chat to people who know what you are going through

Hi Charlotte

I don't have much advice but unfortunately I'm another person who can relate to what you're going through. After being given the all clear from cancer last summer, the doctors recently discovered the cancer had spread to his brain. They said he probably had just a few months to live. That was 3 months ago.

For a while he seemed stable, but he's deteriorated quite a bit over the last week or two and has now been admitted to a hospice - we hope temporarily but the doctors just don't know at the moment. 

Like you, I'm struggling to come to terms with what's happening. I feel like dad's slipping away from us. He's also always been so sharp and on the ball, yet now he doesn't even know what time of day it is. I keep getting very upset in front of him, which I try hard not to, but sometimes it's unbearable. 

All I can really say is you're not alone, and that if you're anything like me, it comes in waves - sometimes it'll feel completely overwhelming, but then it'll ease slightly and you'll be able to function for a bit, then another wave comes... I find it helpful to know that when things feel really awful, they will feel (slightly) better again soon.

I also have a friend who lost her dad to cancer a few years ago when she was just 19. She said you do eventually come to a point of acceptance and although it's obviously not something you ever forget about, you are able to continue to live your life. I can't really imagine that right now, it feels like this sadness will never go, but it is comforting to know other people have been through this and do come out the other side.

Take care xx

Hi, 

Thank you for sharing. Sending bigs hugs your way. My mum has stage 4 brain cancer and has had most of her skull removed with tumour removals etc. It is very difficult. X

Hi Charlotte, 

My family has just found out my dad has a terminal brain tumour. He is 61, and I find myself in almost the identical situation you are. He is such an incredible dad and husband to my mum and my older brother, but seeing him deteriorating so quickly is heart breaking. This has all happened in the last couple of months or so. His dexterity down his left side is as good as gone, and his mind is becoming increasingly slower. We are lucky to still have him at home, and we are going to do all we can to keep it that way. 

The only way I can think how I will cope after he inevitable, is to look at others who have lost parents, my parents included! They moved on but never forgot. As cliche as it sounds, I think time is going to be your only healer with this. I'm feeling incredibly numb to any kind of emotion at the moment, which I am finding very strange. But just stay strong for your family, and dont feel like you cant have your moments too. I hope everything happens in the best way it can.