Hello I’m very sorry to hear about your dad, my dad died 6 days ago and it was sudden he had throat cancer,He seemed ok days before it happened I really regret not helping him enough because I didn’t know he was so bad and I always will

Hi EnnX, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. Although it is different I lost my Husband 5 weeks ago... he was only 45, which means my children 23 & 26 lost their Dad. The only advise I can give and I’m certainly no expert is don’t bottle things up, scream, cry and even laugh when you need to. But most of all make sure you’re supported... I hope you’ve got someone you can talk to... it’s so important, basically that’s how we’re managing. As for ‘normal’ I guess our normal has altered somewhat, just be kind to yourself and if and when you feel up to it maybe try counselling... this disease is bloody ruthless so make sure you grab all the support you can.

sorry if this advise is somewhat flaky, but somehow we will all get through this just one hour and day at a time... sending you a virtual hug Tina x

Hi there, 

I'm sorry for what your dealing with. It always seems to be this time of year when everyone "seems" so happy and cheery. There are however unfortunatly lots of people who are struggling and sad too.  It's been 10 months since I lost my Dad. It's different now, from the early grief but it's still really sad and painful at times and it doesnt ever go away it just cant.. but it's less all consuming. I have gained some normality again (i didnt think i could ever do normal things again after such trauma) and you will too but really don't expect much from yourself this early on, everyone is different. What helped me initially was talking to others who understood and knowing there is no right wait to grieve, you can be walking & grieving, working &grieving, hiding away and grieving. What ever works for you is the right way for you. There are people who understand reach out where you can, you can message me anytime. Some of the toughest things I heard from people were "life goes on"  I couldn't understand how it could without my Dad in the world and in my life..but it does, some how it does and you/ i will always be effected by it but i took each day/ hour as it came and just said to myself just keep on trucking..keep on trucking..Don't completly give up and you will find a way forward somehow you just will. xxx

Hi ennx, 

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and will just ne another person who has also been through what you have. I am currently grieving the sudden loss of my mum 5months ago to a sudden brain haemorrhage. However 21 years ago when I was 27 I lost my dad aged 53. He had battled non Hodgkin's lymphoma for several years but was in remission  when he suffered a fatal heart attack. Whenever I hear that someone is in remission from cancer I dont feel joy because i just feel that something else will take them instead.

Now that I've lost mum I'm very down, probably depressed and absolutely dreading xmas,and if I'm being honest, dreading the rest of my life and im only 48.

I hope I wont feel like this forever but I cant see chinks of light yet.

My advice would be to talk about it if that helps you, i know it doesnt help some people. To not be hard on yourself and to take each day as it comes. I find any sort of planning difficult and this is interfering with my work life and personal life.

Cheryl x