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My Dad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer

Bambur12
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In May 2016 my Dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma and was told it could be cured. He began 4 months of gruelling chemotherapy that pushed him to the very limit but he came through it and in September was told it had gone into remission. However around 2 weeks ago he started getting a pain in his head and decided to go straight to the hospital to get it checked out. The hospital did an MRI scan and discovers that the lymphoma had returned in his brain. The doctors said that because it had relapsed so quickly it is likely that it will not be long before it comes back in other areas of his body. He is beginning radiotherapy to shrink the Lymphoma in his brain but the doctors say there is not much more they can do and say it is likely he will only have a couple of months left.

 

 

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    Hi Kieran,

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My mom also had non-hodgkin's lymphoma and like your dad she had some months of chemo, staying in hospital the whole while, before being declared in remission. Then she came home and after 3 months it came back and went to her brain. She was given weeks to months, she held on for a month before sadly passing away.

    I don't really know what to say about coping, all I can say is spend as much time as you possibly can with him. Do as much as you can and make memories. Have no regrets and try your best, we are all human and you will do the best you can at the time. There is no rule on how you should behave, feel or act. Go on because it's what he would have wanted, you have your whole life ahead of you.

    God Bless.

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    What you haven't told us Kieran is how *he's* coping with this news.

    I would lay money that the best thing you can do for him is not to worry about how you'll cope - you'll have time enough for that later. Rather spend time with him andr try to take his mind off of it.

    Whether that's helping him to get out or a game of cards say or just talking to him about something ordinary and dull, every minute he isn't thinking of what is to come is no doubt absolutely precious to him.

    I'm sure right now to him a few smiles and perhaps a laugh or two has a price beyond anything we could imagine.

    Not easy I know but these are also the last memories you'll have of him - help him make them good ones

  • Offline in reply to Antoni

    Thanks for your reply!

    We are going to make sure he enjoys what time he has left and have booked a 5 day break at the coast as a last holiday all together. I am so sorry to hear about your mum lymphoma is such a cruel and dangerous disease. Did she undergo radiotherapy and how quickly did she deteriorate if you don't mind me asking, it's just my dad seems like his normal self so I am hoping he may last a bit longer then what the doctors told us .

  • Offline in reply to GrahamM

    We are spending every day together as a family, trying to make sure his last days are as enjoyable as they can possibly be. Eating at his favourite restaurants, visiting his favourite places, attending football matches and we have a booked a weekend away with all the family. So don't try and insinuate that I don't care how my dad is coping because I love him more than anything in this world and it's breaking my heart that I'm going to lose him Of course I have thought about he is copying and I would never show that I am struggling in front of him as I know that would only bring him down. I came on this page for support on how I would cope because that is what I don't know. 

  • Offline in reply to Bambur12

    Sorry Kieran I didn't mean to imply that it's clear you care really deeply and its breaking your heart. I was just asking how well he was coping with the news because people react very differently. My wife coped with complete deliberate denial - she said she'd make a great ostrich (head in the sand) and it helped her to cope. Some people don't manage so well. It sounds as if he's bearing up pretty well

    its breally great that he's fit enough to do these things with you in this last time, We were lucky because my wife could too. So many arent fit enough and can't.

    I hope you get a lot of great times in right now

  • Offline in reply to GrahamM
    It's okay it's just obviously a very stressful time atm. Thank you for your support and advice.
  • Offline in reply to Bambur12
    Hi, my thoughts are with you . My dad has terminal advanced spread colon cancer since 'surprise' diagnosis been heartbroken. His 'day at a time' philosophy is amazing. He fights and fights. We know he's dying and it's awful but to support the fight we support his philosophy, try to laugh/ joke , provide support and always let him know we are there. I'm falling apart really but any jobs I can do around full time work , any times we can talk/hang out are wonderful. We forgive past mistakes we talk we just be there when we can. I don't know how we should support those we love with cancer it's an awful journey and no1 tells us how to cope. I send you and yours a massive hug. The journey is unknown for us all with highs lows and exceptionally scarey times but it gives us a chance to tell someone how much they mean and to be thankful for every extra time we have them . We dread losing them but they are the remarkable ones in the journey. They have to deal with the news and find ways to cope. All we can do is love them , tell them what they mean to us and try to support them when we can . Our sense and fear of loss must be nothing compared to theirs.x massive hug to you and yours X when it's time we will have to let them go X happy new year X you obviously think the world of your dad X call him on days you feel strong enough and tell him/chat/gossip:joke/laugh/listen to him when he had difficult times / tears are normal / honesty and openness is hard but amazing X
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    My Dad passed away on the 22nd of February, he kept positive throughout and I am proud to be his son

  • Offline in reply to cat17x2

    I'm sorry I didn't reply to this post sooner but I found it really hard to look on this website, my dad passed away last month but he stayed positive untill the end and kept us all strong, I am struggling without him as he was like my best friend and we did a lot together so I feel like I am betraying him when I do the things we both enjoyed. I hope your dad is doing as okay as he can be  and if you ever need any support I would be happy to help you in any way I can because I know how difficult it is 

  • Offline in reply to Bambur12

    Hi X. My dad has passed X he fought advanced spread cancer amazingly but he got very ill and died in hospital X I like you feel lost but I'm trying to keep going as he wanted X funeral next week . God it's hard! Hope you are ok. I miss him so much . I'm thinking I'm going to get myself involved in fund raising X dads death has led to coroners inquest X I am devastated X hope you are ok . I'm trying but I struggle . X I totally understand how you feel . Nite

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