Hi James, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now. Everything has come in bunches all at once, so no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. I'm so sorry about your Dad and your sister-in-law having to deal with this terrible disease. This all coming when you are just getting your life worked out with your upcoming wedding, dealing with the loss of your job, and winding down on your degree. It goes without saying that the next few years are going to be challenging ones for you. There are no magic solutions to getting through this. You need to do the best you can to get through it, but you also need to take care of yourself while doing this.Do you have anyone in your life, i.e. family members, friends, or others who can help to support you. How is your finacee with all of this going on? What about her family, and can they possible be of some help?

Certainly, you can contact the nurses on here, either through the forum, or by phone. They may be able to give you some direction to help get you on track. Come back on the forum anytime and just write about what is going on and sometimes, just putting it down can be a big help. Also the people on this forum are very caring and supportive. You will get through it James, but it isn't easy for sure. 

Sending you hugs

Lorraine

Hi, James, sometimes it feels like life is throwing everything at you and you just can't cope.  And this is exactly what you need to tell people. Tell your fiance exactly how you are feeling, she probably just needs you to sit down and talk to her.  I am an awful lot older than you, James, and have been through some pretty horrendous times, but we come out the other side somehow, stronger and wiser.  Talking to anyone who will listen is good and, if all else fails, we are all here for you.

James,

Sorry to hear that you are having such a cr@ppy time. Bad news always seems to come in batches, I guess that's just the random nature of life.

I'm with Pauline about telling your girlfriends about exactly how you are feeling. Times like these are strengthen or wreck relationships, there never seems to be anything in between. If you tell her how you are feeling she will be able to better understand your moods and behaviours and act as your best friend as well as your girl friend - which can only be a good thing if you intend to get married soon. You won't be showing any weaknesses, you will be showing strength of character in not hiding your emotions away. You will also be helping your own mental health as bottling up things like this can lead to anxiety problems and worse. Talking really does help - and talking to yourself really doesn't count.

On a practical side - plese don't take at face value any timescales given to you by the doctors. At best these are educated guesses based on average statistics. The timescales could be significantly wrong in either direction, in my case I've assumed the worst and hoped for the best when planning anything. 

Your finals are important but you can always resit exams. It would be worth talking to your tutor or course organiser about your situation and see whether you could be given some flexibility for the submission of any essays or assignments. You may not need this, but it always helps relieve stress if you know that deadlines can be flexed. On the other hand, you may find that studying and doing your exams will give you a much needed distraction from deling with the impact of cancer. 

Good luck!
Dave

Hi, 

My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer yesterday. He's 75 and going for a pet scan on Monday to see if it has spread to any other organ. The consultant said he has lymph nodes in his chest... I don't know how to feel been very upset and I'm very scared for him for what he's going to go through 

Clare

Hi Clare,

Hope you are doing OK. I too have just found out my dad has Oseophagal Cancer and he had his PET Scan today he is 75 in October. How did your dad get on?. I'm hoping it hasn't spread to any other organs. I am deeply upset and struggling to sleep for worrying. He is not particularly healthy, doesn't exercise much at all so I am worried he won't cope with treatment.

X

L 

Hi

Well my dad had 6 weeks of iv chemo and tablets and it almost killed him. He's been in hospital for a month.  They won't do anymore chemo and won't do the op as they don't think he would get through it so radiotherapy which won't cure him :-( 

My dad got diagnosed April ma

Tottaly know how you feel its happened to my dad 5/6 months only to live but his challenge was  to b told he needed tablet change at the beging and  then next scan was he ad this very awful thing esophagus cancer and that barrets as well  and told to us dad ad 6/9 mths to live went through evasive treatment for quality of life and I could say so so much more cause I'm not happy about my situation of my dad but  a week before my beautiful dad died he ad a consultant meeting took bloods and said Weill send u for a scan after treatment he already went through that appointment and it was on a wed the following wednesday my dad passed away in absolute pain no driver no help no  nothing and nothing was in place my dad didnt deserve it and my advice is please just make sure pain relief and help wit manoverin etc is in place and local distric nurses are in place for duty if care for u  when mam or dad is terminal I  wouldn't want to know someone else had gone through what I have had to so so sorry if people have had to go through this traumatic experience Its bad enough to lose someone very  close but not to see them suffer so badly as I have had to and I just would like to give people advise if someone get very awful news and just what they need to know what they need to be in place

as 6/7 months later my father in law got terminal news had every thing in place as we pleaded to officials ie docs, consultants etc  and we did get this in place and bless him the driver and every thing was in place including the  nurses McMillan everything

awful my father in law passed but at peace and rest so any one that's in my beginning situation please shout and b heard and have everything in place please please please this has all happened sept 16 to April 17 and no one should be ignored x 

Hi Clodagh,

Thanks for sharing both your story and advice.

I have the same type of Cancer but I have my Mum's Cancer experience to use when planning my own care - especially when I reach end of life. She had the end that she had planned, at home with her family with MacMillan and Marie Curie nurses helping look after her and a driver set up and working properly.

I'm sorry to read that your Dad's experience was so awful. I can imagine what you went through as it sounds very similar to my Grandad's who died of cancer a few years before my Mum did.

Best wishes
Dave