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My dad has advanced prostate cancer

6 Dec 2018 11:59

The day after my 27th birthday I found out my dad has cancer. At first they thought it was lymphoma because of how it materialised, but it turns out it is advanced prostate cancer - in the prostate, lymphnodes and just recently we found out also in the spine too. He’s having chemo (two so far) and hormone treatment. My dad is my best friend, we are so close that I don’t know how to accept this. I know that it hasn’t been given the word terminal but we don’t know how long he will be with us. They keep using the phrase manageable but not curable. I got engaged the month after we found out - it had been planned a long time before the news. I felt happy but it soon disappeared which saddens me greatly for my partner. I keep thinking, will he be around to walk me down the aisle? to be a grandfather, will my mum be left all alone .. he’s only 58.  I don’t seem to be able to cry about any of this now. I cried so much when I first found out but now I feel numb. I still laugh and smile etc but it all feels so false - except for the moments I share with my dad which are painfully real. I know that he could be around for another 10 years or it could be 1 or 2. The unknown just frustrates me. My dad didn’t cope well initially but I think now he has accepted it and is trying to be strong. I just feel so numb. I feel like I won’t ever be truly happy again - because every child thinks of their parents as immortal. Seeing him sick is so hard 

Re: My dad has advanced prostate cancer

9 Dec 2018 13:15 in response to Hollyboo1991

Hello Hollyboo1991,

Thank you for sharing your story and a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat. It must be a truly heartbreaking time for you and your family and as you say the uncertainty of it all coupled with seeing your dad so poorly must be so hard to bear.

Congratulations though on the wonderful news of your engagement. I am sure your wedding will be beautiful and a great day for the whole family to remember even in the face of adversity. 

We are all here for you anytime you need to talk. We have so many members here who are in a similar situation and I hope they will come along soon and share their story with you. 

Best wishes 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Re: My dad has advanced prostate cancer

9 Dec 2018 15:27 in response to Hollyboo1991

Hi Hollyboo,

I am sorry to read about your dad. I know what you are going through as I have lost my mother some years ago to breast cancer and my father to prostate cancer three years ago. I have also had and recovered from prostate cancer myself.

During the nine years since I had my cancer, treatments has come a long wasy and is now more treatable. 

I found the support of my family invaluble but having been both a patient and a career, I found it is far harder to be a career. You are trying to be strong while inside your often falling apart.

I would just mention one thing, cancer patients like to keep a certain amount of normality in their lives otherwise they feel cancer is taking over.

Please keep in contact and sending best wishes to you and your family, Brian 

Re: My dad has advanced prostate cancer

11 Dec 2018 05:01 in response to Hollyboo1991

Hi Hollyboo1991, 

I just want to say I can relate to your situation. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer a couple years and he is still around and feeling good. He doesn't have any pain. The cancer for me has been able to be managed. We were told that he could have 3-5 years when he was diagnosed, so we are praying that he will live much longer than that. I know this is hard to believe right now, but you will get better at managing your emotions, or it will sort of become normal, it will still suck, but it won't feel so heavy all of the time. If you want someone to talk to, please feel free to message me. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.