Welcome to Cancer Chat Griefstruck, although I am so sorry to hear about your father. 

Our sincere condolences from everyone here at Cancer Chat.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad has died. My Dad passed away when I was 13 and so I know that no other person can truly know how you are feeling. People may not know what to say to you at this time as they don't want to make you feel any worse. I remember feeling that I couldn't possibly feel any worse than I did. It's okay to be selfish. People will understand if you tell them that you don't want them to be there (I know I told some of my friends to go away and they're still my friends now!) My advise would be that you have to take every day as it comes. People may say things like 'He's in a better place now' or 'At least he's not in pain anymore' and at the time you will probably think that they're talking rubbish. But I came to understand after a while that, for me at least, I feel that it is true. I know it's a cliche but time really does make it better. I still miss my Dad after all these years and do still occassionally cry but I can now look back on my memories of him with fondness. Don't bottle everything up. It helps to cry, scream and shout. I would advise that you talk to a counsellor as they really do know what they are talking about. Or if you can't do that talk to a friend or relative. You may not feel ready to do that now but in time you will.

I hope that my advise has been of some help to you. If you want to ask me about anything please do.

I wish you all the best.

Emma

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It just all feels so surreal. I will definitely talk to a counsellor and I have a lot of good friends. I just have so many feelings swirling around... 

Sorry for your loss i am going through this right now with my dad i am absolutely heartbroken! He was my everything he was diagnosed with lung cancer back in may, and in alot of pain now he is unable to swallow medication or oral morphine or eat food he has been put on the syringe driver we no it is a matter of time before he passes he looks so peaceful just sleeps doesnt speak its devastating Life will never ever be the same again i truely dont no how i will get through this x 

Hi Griefstruck,

I am so sorry to hear about your father and offer my sincere condolences.

Like so many you are worrying about how you'll cope without him. The sad truth is that we just have to. Try not to look too far into the future, but take each day as it comes. It will take time but you will gradually develop coping strategies which will help you to continue living a meaningful life.

Do you have any other family and are they all quite supportive?

It is always particulary difficult to deal with memories of your father's last few days. I'm not at all surprised that you feel so traumatised. Try if you can to remember happier times and the nightmare situation at the end will gradually fade.

Remember there is always someone here if you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi,

I am also sorry to hear about your loss too and offer my sincere sympathy. The advice I would give to you is the same as that which I have just given to Griefstruck (see above).

There is no easy way to get through your grief. Take each day as it comes and don't try to look into the long-term yet. In times things will gradually get better, but we all deal with grief in different ways and it takes some of us longer than others to overcome it.

EmmaJane has had first hand experience of loss at a very young and vulnerable age and it sounds as if she has dealt with her situation in a very mature way. She has given you some sound advice and I hope that you find that some of this helps.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi EmmaJane,

I know that it has been some time ago since you lost your Dad, but I still want to offer my sincere sympathy.

His passing must have been particularly traumatic for you at only thirteen. Can I ask what age you are now and do you have good family support? It sounds as if you have dealt with it all in a very mature way and I applaud you for that.

Stay strong and make your Dad proud of all that you achieve in this life.

Hugs,

Jolamine xx

Thank you for the kind words Jolamine. I really appreciate it and hope that it's been of some help to someone. I'm 29 now so it's almost been 16 years since my dad died. And yeah my family is excellent (especially my sister.) 

Hi EmmaJane,

I have no doubt that your advice will be useful to more  people than you think. Thank you for contributing.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx