Hi Caitlin

How are you feeling now? It always helps me to get things off my chest even if it's just written or typed somewhere. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, my mums cancer is terminal and she is suffering now, its not expected to be overly quick so we mightn't lose her as quick as you lost your dad but she will suffer for  longer, part of me thinks if it was quick it might be better as she didn't have to endure so much and we didn't have to watch and feel so much hardship with her. As awful as that sounds :( 

I'm expecting life never to be the same either and it'll be so tough adjusting to the new normal when the time comes. I hope you can find ways to take one day at a time and find some peace with what has happened.

Hi,

I’m going through the same thing at present, my dad walked into hospital 8 weeks ago not knowing he had aggressive lymphoma, received biopsy results around the 4th week but died on the 23rd June. The full process rotates in my head from him going in to the day of his funeral. It is a total emotional rollercoaster but i guess in time it may get easier. 

We are not alone so I guess its good to talk about our situations.

take care

Hello sweetie - what an awful, awful time you're having & you're right these things shouldn't happen to 24 year olds. It's terribly cruel & seems so unfair. You're right too about about losing a parent when they are old as I did. My mum was 89 & sad tho' it was I could know she'd had a long life & done things she'd wanted to do & no, I didn't feel cheated of time with her as you do about your dad. But, I did lose my dad when I was 24 so I do know what that feels like.

You say you love him & miss him. Of course you do & the pain of it is almost indescribable & you ask will it be like this forever? And the answer sweetie is no, it won't be like this forever, truly it won't. I always say that this kind of grief is liking walking up to your shoulders in wet sand & you need to get out of it. The way to do it is one hard push at a time. Day by day, week by week & month by month until one day you find yourself walking ON the sand & not sinking into it. When that day comes, and it will, you'll be able to think of your lovely dad with a smile.

Before that day comes, as you said yourself, some days you are positive & he'd want you to be happy. You know your dad brought you into the world so you could live a life & that includes the good & the very, very sad. You are already coping with this even tho' you probably don't think so. Coping at this early stage, just means getting thro' the day,going to work & talking to people without breaking down & this is what you're doing despite how hard it is. You are plodding thro' that sand.

I'm so glad you've found a bit of relief just getting a little bit off your chest. That's what this site is for so do keep posting whenever you feel like it. People here understand, will listen to whatever you want to say & will support you however they can.

Your life won't ever be the same but that doesn't mean you won't have a happy life & I feel sure you'll do that for your dad for that is what he wanted for you. Take care of yourself sweetie. Will think of you. x

Hi, thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my message. I’ve had an okay couple of days keeping busy with work but tonight when getting home I took myself off to have a bath and went into my dads room while it was running, I burst into tears sat on his floor and just said “dad” I miss saying it I miss speaking to him and I miss his presence it’s feeling of not seeing him again literally sends me into a shocked state I can’t describe it! I’m so sorry about your mum I truly am and all I can say is spend as much time as you can and make as many happy memories as you can, also say everything you want to say to her don’t hold back ️ I never fully understood how cancer can be in terms on deterioration until I experienced it, I just hope your mum is as least pain as possible. Sending you all love and strength to get through this xxx

Hi 

firstly I’m so so sorry your feeling the pain you are and dealing with the loss of your dad. Sounds like we are going through an extremely similar scenario. And that’s one of the main reasons I wanted to write on here because friends and collegues can only say so much but people who reply on here can actually relate.. the process rotates around my head also I can be driving along and then it pops into my head the what only seems like a nightmare of a night when my dad took his last breath, seeing him the next morning gone and looking at him hoping he would move, wake up or open his eyes, and then to know the surreal experience of me putting his ashes in a cupboard in his room ... how can my dad be cremated? I can’t  get my head around it.

i really hope it gets easier because it’s too painful to live like this 

I was with my dad till the end, before he died i kissed him on the head and told him i loved him over and over again, i know he heard as he was trying to say something back, a couple of hours later he passed away due to him catching pneumonia. Next few month will be hard and im due to get married in the new year. I have a beautiful wife to be and 2 beautiful boys to think of and they will get me through it. 

But u will be ok 1 minute then bang it hits u again. Life is hard at times but puts things into perspective x

I just think to myself he is at peace now and not suffering. I try and its hard just to think of the times I and family spent with him, one thing we will never lose and thats memories. 

We will never get over losing them but will learn to adjust our lives them not being there. Take care