i am in a relatively new relationship. We have been friends since August, but in the past two months we have grown much much closer. He had already had his diagnosis when we met and had an orchiectomy on his left testicle. Chemo started about 4 months ago and seemed to be going well until he had a cerebral abscess and since then he has collapsed a few times. This resulted in the doctor finding a growth in his other testicle. We are currently waiting to decide on how we proceed but my partner is so lost and confused and worried about the connotations and recovery afterward. 

I love him with my entire being and want to want to be there for him but he is beginning to push me away because he thinks I deserve to be with “someone normal who won’t have sexual intimacy issues” for the rest of my life. But he isn’t listening to, or rather refusing to believe me when I tell him how I feel and that I will always stand by him. I’ve shown him research papers on recovery rates of single men vs those in a relationship, explained to him how I feel, tried to reassure him in every way possible and he just can’t believe that I would be okay with potentially never having sex with him again if he did not recover the ability to have an erection.

i don’t know what to do or say to help him and it is hurting me too that he thinks I couldn’t love him no matter what happens. I am trying to be reassure him, but give him space and let him control the discussions we have somewhat but he is now beginning to mention stopping treatment and I am terrified. 

I feel so lost. I just want to be there for him.