Hi there peeWeeToms... sorry I can't help with having same cancer, I'm a breast cancer lady...

I could be wrong, as lve got limited knowledge with your feelings, but it sounds like you were too strong, for too long ... keeping your feelings in a draw in your head, telling yourself your o.k and wanting others to have hope by your strength... then one day you open that box, and everything in there falls out ...

Feeling angry at the world is, I think part of this journey... but l believe, that's what cancer wants us to do .. it wants us lost and broken, and because we can't take it out on the cancer, it's those we come across that gets it ... l read two sayings, that have changed me, for the better ... one was if everything around you is dark and you fall face down in the gutter , you have a choice, to stay there and wallow, or lift your head up to see the stars ... 

The other one when l was "loosing the plot"  was ... the devil whispered in my ear... you can't beat this storm ....  I whispered in his ear ... l AM THE STORM! ....

Well ... Will certainly take a gander at your blog page ... here's to, maybe  not winning the fight, but kicking cancers *** all the way down the road ... Chrissie x

Hi Chrissie,

Thanks for the reply, I am just about to do a blog post on how I am going on a search for answers now.

I have waited far to long to get an answer so I am going to go search for it myself and hopefully help myself and others at the same time.

I am not scared just I get far to many sympathy votes and drives me mad.

I am definitely the storm so wont let it beat me anytime soon.

Dan :)

My husband has cancer and he gets very angry when things get too unbearable.   It's hard being on the receiving end but I try to understand.   Those who k ow you will understand but I sometimes tell him to just shut up!  This seems to bring him back into the normal world, so you won't be getting any sympathy from me.!!  Just apologise if you get too cross and it will be forgiven.  Sorry goes a long way.  Hope you find what you want. Cax

Hi Dan,

One of the problems with cancer is that it can come to dominate your life. It starts to get into your every thought and pretty soon there's no room for anything else.

Fear of dying is pretty strong in most of us and the frustration of recurrence must be pretty horrendous. No wonder you are having anger management issues. 

For what it's worth your symptoms, worries and concerns sound familar. I'm sure that any of us with late stage cancer and a lousy prognosis have at some time felt something similar at least for part of the time.

Cheers

Dave

Hi there after my cancer came back the second time I lost the plot so angry and nasty to people especially those that are close physically attacked a family member which I am so ashamed of my gp recommended day services at the local hospice I freaked out at first but after going once a week talking to a psychotherapist and all the amazing staff had reflexology go on running machine have my lunch there and speaking to people in the same situation who won't think I'm crazy my mood has lifted been going through cancer for 2 years and I think I've tried to be strong and positive for my loved ones but inside I was building up all this anger and hatred thinking why me the hospice has saved me from totally being crazy hope this helps your not on your own big hugs col xx

It's very brave of you to take the advice that is there. Mine would not dream of being so pragmatic,  unfortunately! !  At least I can keep this knowledge under my hat for the future.  Many thanks, Caz

I dont take advice very well, it's such a hard situation to be in so really becomes draining after a while. I am getting better at in now days though.

Dan

I was going to say I've never got angry since having cancer but I've just remembered . . . I got up one morning, last June, and before I'd even had my coffee, had to rush to the toilet. I was in and out for about 2 hours and in some pain and distress. Virtually incontinent.

I knew I needed an ambulance but because of a fear of accidents I was putting it off. One of my sons was pressuring me to let him ring for one.

I could barely think and tried to go back to bed for a couple of minutes. I got angry with my son - 'This is my cancer and I'll decide if and when I go to hospital, just give me a couple of minutes to get right'. He replied that if I hadn't sorted myself in 10 minutes, he'd phone regardless. At that point I realised that I was getting worse, apologised and let him crack on.

He saved my life.

Turned out I had sepsis. I became incontinent as soon as we arrived at the hospital but I was too far gone by that time, to care. Emergency op or death. Op had high risk of death and if I didn't come round after it, they wouldn't give life support. Everybody, including the medical staff, expected me to die.

Since then, I always accept the decisions/advice of my advocates over my own. I rarely get angry any more and if I do, it's over in seconds, before I've even finished a sentence.

Pain/severe discomfort/helplessness, these can all lead to anger. However, there's never any justification for directing it at family, carers or indeed, people in general.

Shout at the moon, scream your frustration out.

Then laugh.