Hello Siennasmum.  Stay calm and don't treat them differently.  I have not had cancer myself but have seen family and friends go through it and I realised they did not want to be treated differently because they had a cancer diagnosis.  Obviously the subject of conversations changes somewhat but I would say don't tiptoe around them as my neighbour when he was terminally ill hated that he was being treated so differently to the person he had been all his life.  Be prepared to listen.  Don't add to their stress by being stressed yourself.  I realise these are all big asks when we are talking about people you love and other people may have different priorities which I hope they will tell you about.  Go to medical consultations with them and write down the information you are given.    By all means do little kindnesses to make life easier for them but don't make a big issue of it.  I am sure others can tell you from their side of the story what they consider the priorities.

Thank you for your reply :)  With my mums first diognosis i cried straight away when hearing the words and i realised it was the worst thing i could do as my mum doesnt show emotion?  So it come accross as i wanted the attention?   So on the second diognosis i was ice cold and it worked well as much as it was worrying me.   But then i felt it come accross as i didnt care?   But now woth my best friends diognosis shes more emotional?   So its like a whole different ball game?  I tried to talk to her about about something else as i didnt want to keep bringing it up but now i feel i may of upset her by talking about something on my side?  Cancer just sucks!!   I hope your situation is ok though?   Whats your story?  xx

Hi again.  My first experience with cancer was when my  mum died but that was quite a while ago, more than 30 years.  I have seen friends die over the years since and in the last five years my son's father (we were separated but still good friends), one neighbour and two friends have also died from cancer.   (By the way, I don't just help friends with cancer, I have also helped with other terminally-ill friends and neighbours!)  I am no angelic carer by the way, I just found myself in these situations and tried to help out.  We all need help sometimes.

As your friend's diagnosis is quite recent and she is about to have a mastectomy she will understandably emotional and I should play it by ear for the time being.  In the longer term though she needs for her life to be as normal as possible.  I hope others can give you their personal advice as I guess everyone has a slightly different take on it.  You cannot get it right all of the time and as long as your friend knows that you are there for her you won't go far wrong.

Hi there .. that's some good advice from annieliz ... all I can add is I had my mastectomy 6 months ago, and was really scared... but it was a lot less painfull then I'd imagined ... 

Bless ya, I think your worried about every thing you say , when just do what your heart tells you... there's no right or wrong way ... you are doing your best ... and I appreciated everyone who was there for me ... so you just being there will help ... sometimes all we need is a hand to hold on this journey we are on ... 

It is in a way more difficult for the ones around you ... I've been on both sides and believe me, it was easier when it was me going through my journey... wanting to do the right thing, is so hard for you ... take it easy on yourself... and be kind to your heart ... and know your doing your best ....regards ... Chrissie xx