Hi,

im sorry to hear the news about your mum & I can only relate to you the events that I experienced with my mum back in 2018.

She had COPD as a result of years of smoking & had given up as of 2007, then started using these new Vapin sticks with a degree of success. However, mum developed lung cancer which eventually spread to her brain. The events leading up to this outcome were very much like your own situation as our mum was too ill will her existing condition to be considered for surgery  but my frustration at the time stemmed from the fact that surgery would have been possible in anotherwise healthy person. 

Mum deteriorated from around July 2018 as she was starting to lose the use of her right arm & leg, which she initially thought was due to her sleeping a lot & laying on her right side. It worried me so I made a few calls only to be told to get mum admitted to hospital & have her head scanned. The fallout of this  was the cancer spreading to mums frontal lobe & her physical abilities meant that all we could do was make her comfortable. Numb is the only way I can describe the next month as mum was given a course of steroids and arrangement were made for palliative care. Mum didn’t want any fuss & just asked if myself & my sisters could look in on her, which given her situation was an understatement so we all split the days between each of us & mum was never alone. The steroids were a godsend & a curse... she became manic as the tablets gave her a new lease of energy & combined with other drugs to help the swelling to her brain, she was able to use her arm & leg again. The downside of this was she never slept for 3 weeks solid... not once did she rest.. clearing boxes, cubboards....sorting her life out so we wouldn’t have to do it I suppose....heartbreaking for me personally....it’s hard to even talk about it today as she was an amazing woman but to just relive that time gives me an enormous sense of pride in her & an infinite longing to see her again. At the end of her manic period ,her back pain where the cancer was located(right lung) became increasingly painful so we started giving her morphin to give some comfort to her & it was at this point that mum started to sleep, & there were moments where she would wake and sit up & tell each of us how much she loved us & her grandchildren & that she didn’t want to go. By this time I was emotionally floored but tried to hide it the best I could. The end drew closer with mum falling into a verbal loop & talked about meeting dad for the first time back in the summer of 1969 (quoting Bryan Adams )  & other life events but every now & then she would look at me or one fof my sisters & say how proud she was & to make sure her grandchildren remembers her. The last week of her life was marred with the inability to talk as the cancer in her brain started to affect the area of speech & the panic in her eyes was unbearable to witness. Out came the white board as a means of communication with the ‘blink when I get to a letter’ etc then her speech returned. This became more frequent as the days went on & her need for fluids & to breath fresh air became all consuming although drops of  Alba’s oil seemed to help her as shortness of breath increased.

Mum passed at 04:25 on the 16th of September 2018 & I had left her at 22:15 to get some sleep and let her know I’d be back at 07:00 in the morning as by this time we had been given a carer to do the odd night shift & that week it was Tuesday, Friday & Saturday. So mum passed alone in the sense of having no family there at the exact time of her passing....I know this was just how the events unfolded but I can never get over it.... I swore to her I’d be there till the very end.... but I wasn’t.... it kills me every day.......every day. 

I’m so sorry for bringing back such sad and painful memories xx my mum did get the lung surgery and the steriotactic brain radiotherapy all since diagnosis jan 2019, but still has succumbed to it being unsuccessful on both counts and the cancer further spreading to her liver and lymph nodes. She is still eating well, and looks well. She has lost her mobility almost completely and her confidence entirely and has lots of dizzy episodes and seizures if trying to mobilise to commode. She is currently in hospital and doesn’t want to come home. Meeting palliative care today to see if we can have a bit of respite in a hospice or rehabilitation centre to help her gain some confidence and clarity surrounding diagnosis as we have gone from being told A. She was previously well to she has these cancers and B she is curative to palliative all in a matter of 4 months. It doesn’t feel real. Thanks for your reply and honest answers xx

There’s no need to say sorry,

if if I can help you by telling my story then it’s worth the heartache of reliving it & in a way I take some degree of comfort from knowing mums story is heard.