I'm so sorry to hear your mum is in the final days of her cancer journey.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be but I'm sure some of our members will offer their thoughts and advice to you soon.

In the meantime, I hope this information we have about the final days will help.

We're thinking of you Hannah and sending all our strength and support your way.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

My dear Hannah, my heart breaks for you.  My Norman fought to the end and it was the most awful thing to watch.  Ask the district nurse if they can help, they should be on 24 hour call out, I didn't hesitate if Norman was in distress and they came when I rang.  You need some help and the only way is to ask or demand it.  Here if you need to talk.  Carol xx

Hi carol

thank you for your message...im sirry to hear you went through that. The nurses takr ages to come. Wr got 2 syringe drivers put in and its still not relaxing her...this is the most awful horrific death after 7 months of hell. When will it end

Dear Hannah,

I'm so sorry to hear what you and your mother are going through.  I lost my own mother to cancer last Saturday, and like yours she was fighting right until 2 days before she passed away.  She was very restless, moaning and reaching out her hand to me, but she was in a semi sleep.

The nurse told me to tell her to let go and give her permission to go,  she said that they won't go until they are ready and comfortable to let go.  So, I know it sounds strange, and if you haven't already done this, tell her it's ok to let go and that you understand that it is her time to leave.  I did this with my mother and she detoriated pretty quickly after this. 

Thinking kind thoughts, I was in your shoes a week ago and I know it's the most difficult thing to deal with.  I hope you both find peace soon xx

Hi fezza,

Thank you for responding, im so sorry to hear about your mum passing. This week has been by far the worst of my life, mums terrified expression and cries and screams will forever remain in my memory.  

We are getting injections whenever she wakes up as she is in a constant state

Im scared to tell her to go incase it scares her..shes terrified

:cry:

Hannah, it sounds so distressing for you both, I'm so sorry.  I just said to my mother 'you can let go now, and I'm here holding your hand, and I love you'  It may not work if your mother is in a distressed state, I know they gave my mother something via injection to relax her in addition to the pain relief and it made her sleep.  Hopefully, the injections help.  Once the 'death rattle' started last Friday, my mother only lasted 24 hours so it could happen quite quickly for your mother too.

I don't know about you, but I didn't envisage the last days to be like this, I don't think you're ever prepared for it.  But, take comfort from the fact you are there for her, and doing the best you can.

Sending strengh xx

Hi Hannah,

I messaged you a while back when your Mum had been diagnosed and you and your family were wondering about hospice or home care. I'm so so sorry to read that your Mum is now so poorly and you're having such a tough time. I know how horrible it is having experienced so much of what you've said with my Mum a few months ago. 

I'm sure it might already be being given on the drivers but my mum was given midazolam latterly and that seemed to help calm her. 

In these days it's hard to find comfort I know so all I can say to you is talk to your Mum, hold her, tell her you love her, talk about anything and nothing. I know how unbelievably hard it is. Seeing them suffer is just the most unbearable thing but just by being there you will be making a huge difference to her, even if you don't feel like you are. 

take care of yourself and if you want to send me a message always happy to chat.

Kat

p.s do you have a Maggies centre near you? If so I would really recommend visiting one. The loveliest most supportive people to chat to who really get what you're going through. Took me a while to visit one but was so glad I did

Dear Alison,

I am sorry about the loss of your dear mother, I remember your kindness and comforting words when I joined this forum when I lost my mum to this cruel disease. You're right, she is now at peace, she doesn't have cancer anymore nor any of the pain or the other ailments that come with it.

The other day, my mum came to me in a visitation dream. I never remember dreams but I remember this, she was smiling and she looked happy and she said hello to me - I do believe she is looking over us and she is now in a better place than the one she left. I am sending you strength and hope that you will come through this, take care.

Dear Carlos,

Thank you so much for your condolences and for taking the time to message me. It is a massive relief that my mother is at peace now. She was lucky that she didn't seem to be in a great deal of pain at the end and didn't require a syringe driver. The worst thing was her restlessness but my aunt and I were with her and reassured her that she was safe and could let go. I believe that she's now reunited with my dad and is happy. 
 

Things are pretty raw but I've found some comfort sorting out pictures for the funeral it's so nice looking back to when she was younger and happy, it's how I want to remember her. 

Take care, Alison 

Hi HannaH

Your post about your Mum is exactly what I'm currently experiencing with my Mum. She's so brave and refuses to let go but she is breathing very rapidly and last night was in a lot of pain. I'm by her bedside at the hospital tonight, I'm staying here as much as I can at the moment as I feel that her remaining days are very few now. I feel so bad as I am sitting here willing her to pass as I don't want to see her suffering anymore but at the same time I'm desperate for her to stay. My Mum and I are so close and  being without her is going to really break me.

I hope your dear Mum is now at peace and you and your family are coping and helping each other:

I just  wanted to let you know that I understand how you are feeling/felt.

sendng you best wishes

Claire