Hi Mel,

You are still young at 21, and  this is a terrible burden for you to bear. I nursed my mum through terminal cancer and it was not easy. She died in 1997 and I still miss her every day.

It is difficult to know what to do to ease her suffering. Just be there for her. If you can, try to talk to her about her feelings and give her the chance to unburden herself. Sadly, there is nothing that you can do to prolong her life.

If she doesn’t appear to want to talk about her cancer, I’m not surprised. She will naturally be worried about how you are all going to cope after she has gone. If you bring up the subject rather than expecting her to, you might find it easier to get her to open up.

I am glad to hear that you have a good supportive boyfriend. Try to hide your tears from your mum, but otherwise let them flow freely. It is a great release to have a good cry at times. This is quite normal, as are fluctuating emotions.

Does your brother know what is wrong or how ill your mum is?

Try your best not to dwell on the “terminal” part of her diagnosis, but rather try to make some lasting memories with her if she is well enough to do so.

I am so sorry to hear about your aunt too. Cancer can run in families. My mum had it and now I too have it.

I am thinking of you all and am sure that you will get through all this if you deal with one day at a time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello, 

I'm sorry to hear about your mum's terminal diagnosis. You're very young and so is your brother, very sad. 

I am in a similar position as you. Except I've just turned 28 and it's my dad who has terminal cancer. His cancer is stage 4 bowel cancer, which has spread to his lungs, liver, brain and now has a mass at the back of his left eye! My uncle died in November 2014 of cancer. My dad was diagnosed in April 2015 with his cancer. We knew as soon as he was diagnosed that they couldn't cure him, just bide him some time with chemo. He was classed as 'incurable' but he's now 'terminal' and currently in hospital. I have an older sister and a younger brother who is 25. 

Its been 2 years since his diagnosis so I have had that time to adapt to what will happen and let it sink in. But it's been very hard along the way. It's only in the past 7 weeks things have got so much worse that we know this is the part we have been dreading. We have to take each day as it comes. If you want to cry or scream then do so, if you want to be alone and quiet then do that too. Every emotion is OK. Spend time with your mum, watch films, look at photos, take new photos, dance to music, talk about the past, help her with any daily needs. Do what she is capable of doing of course. That is all you really can do. Do you have much family support around you? What will happen to your 9 year old brother once your mum is no longer here? If you ever fancy a chat feel free to private msg me on here. 

Big hugs x 

My aunt left two children of 4 and 6 when she passed with cancer and though I was 26,  I helped their dad look after the children whilst coping with their grief as well as my own.   You are only 21 and it's a lot to deal with,  whilst coping with your own emotions, your brother and your gran.

Try to get some support for yourself and your brother in the way of counselling.  My young cousins should have had counselling but wasnt widely available 25 years ago and they struggle with what has happenedone to this day.

Although painful, make memories with your mum and create a memory box with letters that your mum can write especially for your brother so when's he's older, he can read these letters, photos and any other memories.  Spend time talking and try tout talk about how she's feeling,  she may want to protect you but you need to understand so you can help her.

Love to you all xx

Hi, sorry for the late reply, I've been so stressed out just needed some time away. Thank you very much for your words. 

It is hard but I know I need to be strong for them and to answer your question, no my brother doesn't know or properly understand what's going on with my mum but he knows she's unwell as she hasn't been working 

Hiya, sorry my reply was so late, just needed some 'me' time. Thank you for your words, I've been looking into counselling but it is quite expensive, think I just need to research some more. But I definitely am trying to make my memories, I want my brother to remember his mum and have good memories, I just hope he'll be able to handle loss better than me 

Hi, I'm 21 and in the same position. I also have a boyfriend who has been great, I constatntly have breakdowns and uni, complete meltdowns but he always sticks by my side. we are lucky to have someone to truly rely on! My friends don't seem to realise the seriousness of the situation, plus I've kind of removed myself... It's very bard to cope some days but I always try to be so positive for my mom .. I really hope things get a bit better for you, best wishes x

Hi Melzinha

You're so young and already had this experience in life so nothing I could say would be new for you. So be beside her always with a smile (as yourself said don't let her notice you're sad even in the worst moments). Don't think too much about what may or may not be tomorrow. Live your lives for today. As a brazilian I found lovely your name (or nick) in this chat because in portuguese it is a diminutive for Mel and Mel is portuguese for honey. So let honey fulfill your days. Regards

Hi Melzinhaa,

It sounds as if both you and your brother could both benefit from some counselling. There are various organisations which offer this and you should be able to get it without incurring any charge.

The best place to get advice about this is possibly via your mother’s cancer care team. If she is still unwilling to talk about things with you, you can phone the hospital yourself, explain your concern for your young brother and see what they advise.

BellaBoop’s advice of helping your mum to make a memory box for your brother is a good idea and one which should give him solace in years to come.

This is a hard time for all of you,  but remember that we are always here whenever you want to talk.

Jolamine xx