Hello annabanana.  I am so sorry to hear about your mum; such an awful shock for you. And also that your housemates are having problems too.  Would it not be possible to make time to get to know each other better and share your feelings so you can give each other support at this time.

I lost both my parents some time ago and know well the difficulties of living some distance away.  I was travelling three hundred miles in each direction at weekends while working full-time with lots of consequent financial and other difficulties; please bear in mind I don't know your circumstances (for all I know you may be living in another country, many miles away!) if I ask if you are unable to take leave or have perhaps a long weekend to visit your mum?  This is such an important time for you and your mum and I feel a bit helpless not knowing what is possible for you.   Also if you have siblings or anybody else who is caring for your mum.

I also know that it is difficult to think straight in these circumstances.  So please do post here again and tell us what imight be possible for you and we will try to give advice.  One thing that may help a small bit is Skyping your mum so you can at least see each other when you speak. I hope you will tell us a bit more about your situation and that others will come and talk with you with their suggestions.  Annie

Hi Annie,

Thank you for replying so quickly, I wasn't expecting a reply so fast!

My housemates and I do chat, but never anything deep, also I'm very shy to approach people especially to talk about such personal things. Also, the house mate whose mother died is in her angry stage of grief, and for some reason has chosen to stop talking to me (tho she shares conversations with my other housemate) and barely says hi anymore, so I'm giving her space incase there is something about me that isn't helping her during this time. 

It must be so hard to have lost both parents, I can barely imagine losing my mum.
I actually only live in Manchester and my mum lives in London. I recently got a temp job at the same time as my mum's first op and she said it was fine for me not to come, she also had a couple of friends helping her out, so I didn't feel quite so awful.I am her only child, her sister is up here looking after my really sick cousin (whose like my sister we're so close), one brother lives in Rugby and another in Glastonbury and isn't too good at travelling. 

This time though, her friends aren't going to be around and I feel so guilty, I'm still in my temp job and of course my mum is more important than my job, but I can't risk losing it, financially. But I really want to be there with her, as soon as she told me, my instinct was to pack there and then and go to her.

Thank you for the idea of skyping my mum, didn't even enter my mind!

Hi Annabanana,

I do know how you feel. As someone who has had prostate cancer and who has also lost twelve family members to cancer over the years. I can tell you I found it harder being a relative of someone with cancer than it was when I had the cancer. At least I felt I had some control of how I felt. 

But when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer which spread to her brain, I willingly admit I have never felt so helpless in my life. When I was a child and took ill, my mother alwayd made me better, but when she was ill there was nothing I could do but offer her help and support. 

I think Annieliz's suggestion of using skype is a good idea. Please keep in contact for there some really supportive people on this forum. Sending best wishes to you and your mother, Brian.