Hi Diginyxx,

Welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. Please, please do not feel guilty for not falling apart. I can tell that your mothers diagnisis had hit you hard but we never know how bad news like this will affect us until it happens.  Likewise, you are not being heartless or selfish by continuing with your life for life has to go on. We all react differently to bad news like this so please do not be harsh on your self because you are being practical and supportive. Thank god we are all differnt. I speak as someone who lost his mother several years ago and it is so hard watching someone you love slowly slipping away. I much like you tried my best to make as many memories while I could and these have helped me in the grieving process.

Please come on here as often as you feel the need to for ther are some truly wonderful people on here who do their best to help and support each other. Please keep us updated as and when you can.

Take care, best wishes to you and all your family, Brian

Thanks Brian. I needed someone to say that to me. I'm being human about this. I guess I just didn't feel like it at the time.

Shortly after writing that first post, I felt the dam burst and have been crying on and off and cuddling with my husband since then. I'm a bit more composed now. I obviously needed to talk about it. 

The next few months are going to be hard, but I have a better idea now of what I can do to help my Mum and my siblings. The three of us need to stick together and support each other, but it's good to know that I have the option to come here to talk to others who are in the same boat as me.

I'm going to see Mum tonight. The consultant is going to see her today to tell her what he told us. She's got her friends with her this afternoon and hopefully she'll have had some time to get some more sleep.

Thanks again,

Nyxx

Hi Diginyxx,

So pleased to hear you are feeling better. Sometimes our emotions build up inside of us without us being aware of it and just like you have found,Talking is sometimes the key that unlocks the logpile of our emotions. I always say, crying is just natures way of releasing those pent up emotions. Likewise the value of talking is often underestimated. I have lost several family members to cancer including my mother and I have also had and recovered from prostate cancer so I have a little understanding of the emotional rollercoaster ride that cancer forces us to ride.

Take care, and please stay in contact for talking to others than our family does help for we can often be more honest with a complete stranger than we can our family.

Best wishes, Brian

Yesterday was probably the hardest since my Mum went into hospital and was diagnosed. I spent a few hours alone during the day and finally broke down. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldnt stop crying. 

I finally got up enough strong stuff in me to go visit my Mum last night. She still hadn't been told by the consultant about the extent of the cancer and the prognosis. Naturally this had put her in a foul mood, though she wasn't taking to out on me or my sister. My sister had a talk with the senior nurse on the ward, who was shocked that she hadn't been told. My Mum was nervous, getting stressed out and panicky, which in turn was making her ill. She just wanted to know what was going on. She knew that we knew, but were reluctant to say anything. Between us, my sister and I (with my brother's blessing) decided we had to tell Mum what was happening.

I never thought I'd have to tell my Mum she was dying and that she only had a short time left. I've sat at my Dad's bedside and held his hand until he died, but I never thought I'd be back in the same hospital, on the same floor, holding my Mum's hand whilst my sister explained all this to her.

My Mum was very calm, like she immediately accepted it. I think she already knew, but just needed to hear it. In a way, I'm kinda glad it came from us, but at the same time I wish I'd never had to do that. 

After visiting was over, I decided to go visit some friends because I needed to be around people, and I knew my husband would be there too. Whilst I was there, my sister called me. My Mum had been having tests and x-rays and lots of other stuff happening throughout the day, and the results weren't good. My Mum's developed an infection after the surgery and her body is shutting down. There's going to be no option for chemo because she isn't going to last that long. They reckon she's got maybe a week or two at the most.

We're bringing her home on Monday. She wants to die in her house. She wants to have a cup of tea, smoke a cigarette and be in her bed and her comfy clothes. The hospital are doing their best to make that happen, as are we.

I went to see her again today. She was out of bed and seemed quite perky. I managed to get a few minutes alone with her - the first since this all began. There was so much I wanted to say to her, some things I wanted to apologise for, thank her for, but I couldn't get the words out. I kissed her and hugged her best I could with all the tubes and told her I love her. She told me she loves me more than anything. I think that's all that needed to be said. 

Hello, I hope you are coping ok.

My mum has been ill with bowel cancer for almost 18 months and yesterday we were told that there is no more treatment and she has a few months left.

It has also badly affected her kidney which keeps getting blocked so she is having one last op to clear that up and then going home with pain relief nurses on hand to keep her comfortable.

I am so lost - I too have always found it hard to be close to my mum.  She always regarded me as the independent one and has a very close relationship with my sister.  All this is hightened by the fact that they all moved to Ireland about 20 years ago so I only get to see her maybe once or twice a year.

I am terrified of making a trip to see her as it will probably be the last time I see her and I can't bear that thought.

Would love to hear how you are doing - I feel that it is too difficult to talk to siblings - my brother committed suicide at Christmas so we are all still reeling from that.

Hope you are finding some strength - sounds like your husband is supporting you which is good.

Any way, please reply if you can.

Thank you

xx

Hi I'm going through the same tragic times doctor has told us it's only weeks now but I think days she had 3 months to start with horrid to watch them stop eating and drinking and belly bloats massive. I could do with a support shoulder right now. 

Hi to you all, my heart goes out to you. I am in same situation. Found out today that Mum has only months after stomach cancer has spread to liver, lungs and bowel. Our family have had ups and downs over the years with people not talking to each other etc. We have pulled together over this though. It just illustrates what a pointless waste of time, bickering and falling out is when you face the reality of losing your Mother. I have tried to keep my chin up and not cried too much, but today I fell to pieces. I feel so helpless. So sorry there are so many people suffering on this forum. I send you all hugs and just pray that we can all cope with the bleak situation that we find ourselves in. Jo x 

 Hi it is hard my father died two years ago now i look back and only have happy memorries of him. I was diagnosed with bowel caner a few weeks ago and its now in my liver and lungs. All i can think about is protecting loved ones hiding the pain. You dont sound like a freak to me you are being stronge thats what your mum needs theres always time for crying yours will come when it does let it all out