Hello [@ElaineJ54]‍ 

I wanted to reply to you, as I understand what you're going through at the moment, I'm in my early 30's and lost my mum mid march from lung cancer. First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, it's something that I can't make you feel any better with my words, but hopefully just knowing someone else going through a similar situation to you will help you feel a little less alone. 

I can understand why you may feel angry with your dad, but I would imagine he did this to try and protect you from the hurt that would be caused by this. I think at the moment, you both will need each others support because it's such a rollercoaster of emotions, and unfortunately it will be for a while. 

Writing the eulogy is painful. There's no other way to say anything other than that about it, it may be that you don't wish to contribute, and that is also okay, but I think at the moment your brain is probably trying to block the fact that it is so painful to protect yourself. Would you even think about contributing a small story, or even one word you'd use to describe your mum based on your relationship with her? At least then your input will be in there. Hope that makes sense. 

The best advice I was given is to take lots of deep breaths when it feels very painful, and take it hour by hour. Not even day by day at the moment. However you feel is totally valid, and I am sending you a huge amount of strength and love for the coming hours, days, weeks and months. I am told I will learn to live with it, but I'm right there with you at the moment with a huge amount of complicated feelings. It sometimes feels completely overwhelming. 

Not sure if therapy is something you'd consider? It has helped me so far though as I'm able to talk without upsetting anyone else, including my family. You can always message me if you need. 

Big love to you Xxx

Hi

I understand what you are going through. I'm 17 and I lost my mum a month and a half ago. At first I just couldn't believe it. Like my brain couldn't process the reality of it. My mum was my best friend too, but I still couldn't bring myself to be able to talk about her when I was asked if I wanted to say some words at her funeral, so I refused. It just felt like I was in denial of everything, even the idea of speaking about my mum in past tense, it would just make it more real and I hated it. I've only recently come to terms with the reality of the situation and only recently been able to speak about my mum and about how much I miss her. And I understand how you feel about being robbed of a future with your mum. I genuinely cannot imagine my future without my mum. Cant imagine not talking to her everyday, not telling her all the little things about my day. Cant imagine going to uni without being able to text about about how it's going, sharing all my achievements with her, not matter how little, and her always supporting me. The fact she won't be there to see me graduate... Won't even be there to meet my first boyfriend, see me get married, see her grandchildren. It all hurts me deeply. It's makes me lost interest in everything in my future since I can't share it with her. Sometimes I just feel disinterested in carrying on living, I don't want to live a life without the person I love the most. I feel lonely, still can't get used to not having her lively energy in the house. Feels like there's no one I can talk to about everything I'm feeling. There is no one I'm comfortable with like I was comfortable with my mum. Not my dad, not my brother, not any of my aunts. I'm sorry I can't offer you advice on this because I myself still don't know how to get through all of this and cope with these feelings, but I just wanted to let you know what your feeling is valid and normal. Sadly it's going to feel like that for a while but we look forward with hopes of it getting better. Much love x