Hi there ...

Just want to send you a big hug ... l think the brain can go into shock mode ... it tries to make some sense of everything, when there is none ... I'm so glad you got those last days holding her hand and saying all what's in your heart ... my mum left suddenly with heart attack,  and I never got that chance . 

I believe they live in our heart, tucked up safely now .. where they stay there for our lives .. and she made you, you are a part of her that goes on ... l still wish one day I'll wake up, and mum will still be here, and I never lost her ... that was 29 years ago ... you do learn to live without them, but missing them stays ..

All those feelings your having is part of grieving .. and being blessed to have had them in our lives .. it's taking one day at a time, and knowing part of our hearts go with them ...

Hello 

My Mum dies 31st Jan 2018 after diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer on 2nd Jan 2018.  It was all very quick and me and my sister had very little time with Mum.  We looked after Mum at home as that was her wish, it was heartbreaking watching Mum deteriorate as like you Mum was very active and Healthy with very little symptoms until it was too late.  I held Mums hand and made sure she was comfortable cos thats all we could do.  It took me a long time to get that last month out of my head and agonised over every little detail, this had started to ease now and I have surrounded myself with photographs of Mum smiling and happy. I try very hard to remember the good times and not the very last bit of Mum's life.  Me and my sister also have a memory box and I have staated to write down all the funny little things that Mum used to say an places we vistited together.   Months have passed but some days I stil cannot believe that she has gone and we miss her so much and it hurts.  I do take comfort from the last month and that we were with all the time holding her hand. Take care

I also found this forum comforting in the very early days after Mum died. 

Hi Katiebel,

I felt the need to reply to your post as I have recently lost my husband to the same awful pancreatic cancer on 29th July, this was also very quick as he was diagnosed on Friday 13th July! Like your yourself I only had 2 weeks with this shock and my husband deteriorated so quickly with no treatment options. He was admitted to hospital on th 22nd July and after further tests he was told he had possibly a week or two at the most! He passed away the weekend after. He was 51 years old, a very fit and well man, didn’t smoke or drink, cycled 30-40 miles most weekends and hadn’t been to the doctors for over 20 years. This has been a complete shock to my son and myself. We had just celebrated my 50th birthday in June and we’re due to be flying off to Florida tomorrow for our joint birthday present! We hadn’t had a holiday on our own for 26 years! My life has been shattered as he didn’t want to leave us as we had so more many years ahead of us. Iam very lucky to have had 31 years with such a wonderful,caring and loving husband and a great father to our son. 

I am sending you my love and please take care of yourself, as the shock takes it’s toll when you least expect it! I have been very poorly with 2 chest infections and now have stomach ulcers from all the stress and shock. Take all the help offered to you. Debbie 51.xx

Dearest  Chriss, Jenlou and Debbie thank you so much for replying and for sharing your own experiences, I am also so truly  sorry to you all, your strength has given me hope in my despair. 

It's over two weeks now since my Mum passed and the last week has been so difficult.  I find though I am beginning to be able to think past the the final day and final three weeks with my Mum and think back to our happier times.  I am finding that apart from 1 or 2 friends and my husband of course I am finding it very difficult being around people and I am avoiding friends texting wanting to call over. I just keeping thinking about My Mum and what she must of being thinking or feeling in those last few hours. I really hope she is looking down on us but I can't believe that I won't see or touch or hear her again or that please God if we have children she won't meet her grandchildren.

I was thinking of returning to work next Monday, however I work as a Child Protection Social Worker and really don't feel that I can, I was in Tesco yesterday and ended up in floods of tears in the car. Do you think it is ok to take more time  it will be three weeks on Monday? 

Thank you again

X 

[@Katiebel]‍  Sending hugs to you also, and to the other members who have replied to your post.

If you feel you need more time before returning to work, then that is personally what I would do if it's an option available to you. Take as much time as you are able to and feel that you need. That would be my advice. If easing yourself back into work mode gradually (when you do feel ready) is an option, then I would certainly consider it.

Hi Katie ...

Give your self time ... the first year of loosing someone that close is what I call the raw year .. like a cut that just won't heal ... every time it forms a scab, it gets knocked off, and the pain is overwhelming all over again .. I've found once I say to myself it's o.k to feel whatever I'm feeling as it was part of the grieving process .. it gets bearable .. you reminded me when you said about Tesco. .. a few weeks after loosing mum I was in the queue at the till and the woman in front was making an almighty fuss over something trivial ... it was all I could do not to scream at her, for being so petty .. 

And on mother's day after she'd gone, I was in the card shop looking at the mother's day cards I wouldn't be getting her .. and I heard to young girls and one said to the other, I suppose I'll have to get her a f card ..  well I can't put down what I wanted to do .. but thought it was so unfare my mum was taken, when she had so much to live for ..  you will get used to living without her, in time .. but the missing stays ..

But let yourself grieve without feeling guilty .. those that hold it in, just delay the pain .. and remember how she would want you to remember her .. at her best .. otherwise cancer will make you a victim too .. it wants you to stay in those last days .. so you suffer more .. just keep thinking of the good times every time the sad thoughts creep in ... your mum was so much more then cancer ... that's how I remember my mum .. and just know it really does take time .. sending you a hug .. Chrissie 

First of all please let me send you a big hug, I’m so very. Very sorry.  I am now nearly 67 my mother died nearly 50 years ago on my 19th Birthday.  In those days you were rarely told the truth.  My older brother, sister, and father knew she was dying, my younger sister and I didn’t.  Pancreatic cancer is gruelling on the patient. My mother spent a year dying, no chemo in 1971 no anything really.  Your darling mother has been spared a lot thankfully.  I say thankfully with respect as it’s a horribly painful disease.  You’re in shock now, you poor lady, and your shock well may then turn to anger, then relief, (no more suffering for her) and then the grief.  Take each day as it comes, Cry, Cry, Cry your eyes out. It helps!! I still cry periodically 50 years later just at the memory.  It’s a cliche but time does help.  You’ll learn to live without her but I’m sure she will stay close.  You have your memories try focus on your good ones. The love between you and your mother will always be there, I still feel my mothers love after all these years.  One day at a time x

Hi. I lost my mum 1 week ago suddenly just after 10 days she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer . She was my everything. I’m devasted and can’t accept  i will not see/ touch/ hug her anymore ..my dad passed away just 9 months ago.. my life has just been turned upside down. Please help I feel nobody can understand help 

Hi, I have found myself back on here again and have read your post about your mum, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your mum to this terrible cancer. Like my husband it is a cancer that takes you so quick with very little symptoms until it is too late!! This is awful for the loved ones and for those left behind. 

It has been 6 months now since my husband passed away and I still find myself on the forum trying to find some comfort and answers to why this happened to us!! It is a massive shock you are going through and you have some tough times a head of you. Stay strong and keep well, you will get through the process of the funeral and then you need to allow as much time you need to grieve, this has no time limit, it is what takes! Take the comfort from friends,family and this forum as you may feel like not wanting to be around people but later on you will be glad you did.

Never stop talking about your mum to people, you may not be able to do it without crying for some time, but one day you will do it with a lovely smile on your face and you will remember all those lovely memories you had together. I can’t tell you when, as I am still in the grieving process myself, I have really lost the love of my life far to early, he was only 51 years old and passed away 2 weeks after being diagnosed.

I hope this helps you a little, keep posting your feelings. I am sending you lots of strength and love, take care.

Debbie51xxx

Reading this broke my heart for you. I've just recently lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer. From diagnosis to when she passed we had 4 weeks 2 days. Two weeks before we found out she thought she had a possible stomach bug. A trip to her doctors found abnormalities in her liver and booked in for a scan. Two days later she ended up in A&E unwell during the night after work. From leaving work to the hospital visit, a few hours, she had turned jaundice. She was let home on the grounds she would go back the following morning for a scan and more bloods. Which she did with me there. That day we were told that it was cancer. Pancreas cancer which had also spread to the liver. Devastating as this was my Mum's worst fear. After that it just seemed to be symptom after symptoms appear. Ercp failed as the tumour was in the way. She was very sick daily. From needing blood transfusions to having a liver drain, then a stent put in. Her last op was when sadly deterioration set in quickly. She like your Mum was really restless and struggled to get her comfortable. It's still cloudy in our heads. Luckily in the end she was comfortable with my brother and myself there. It haunts us how distressed she was and how fast the last few days went. She went from being okay to being so ill.