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Mum diagnosed with stage 4, given few months to live

13 Sep 2021 13:29

I really don't know what to say but I think I really need to just let it out. My mum has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. But it started when I was 11. My mum is a single mother so if she went into hospital it was either me looking after my sister or family relatives coming over. After a few surgeries we thought it went away. That's when she had a relaps and had to go through chemo. It stared to get harder and harder with things. I was too affraid to leave her alone when I went to school, sometimes I couldn't even face going. I couldn't pretend I was okay and smile when all I wanted to do was cry. I'm now 18 and In collage and it's still the same feeling. I don't know how to cope with this. The thought of my mum dying is just too much for me. She raised me all by her self and she is literally the world to me. I can't seem to carry on with my life. It's like I'm constantly depressed, like my brain won't let me forget that my mum in dying. As of right now she is in a hospice and has been for 2 weeks. I've now become so emotional. I never used to be but now I find myself crying at almost everything. I just want to know how to cope with this cos I know I'm not doing it right. I want to be able to go to collage, not feel empty all the time and get in with my 18 year old life. 

Mum diagnosed with stage 4, given few months to live

13 Sep 2021 13:59 in response to rosie-68

Hi rosie-68,

Firstly welcome to Cancer Chat, and I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your mum. I can only imagine how difficult this must be especially at a young age.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to situations like this. Try to accept your feelings and deal with things on a day-to-day basis, and if things are feeling difficult and emotional then that's perfectly OK and perfectly natural.

Hopefully you have others around you who you can speak to, such as friends or family. Either way, we're always here for support on this forum and I hope that it can provide some small support to you.

If ever things are feeling too much, do reach out to others. If you're feeling particularly low, have a look at Samaritans or call them on freephone 116 123, anytime 24/7.

In terms of general support for those caring for a loved one with cancer, organisations such as Macmillan and Maggie's have good resources as well as helplines.

It's also worth noting that anticipatory grief is real and you may find this article helpful, which goes into it in a bit more detail. That website - Cruse - may also be worth exploring for other resources too.

Wishing you all the best and as I say, we're always here for support,

Cancer Chat Moderator

Mum diagnosed with stage 4, given few months to live

14 Sep 2021 22:03 in response to rosie-68

Rosie have you got any support? Ive read your post, and can't believe how young you are to have this on your shoulders. I lost both my parents in under a year of each other in my early 30s. 

The hospices are wonderful with what they do. My mom ended up in one and they were very dignified.

All I can say is cherish these moments with your Mom. I know how hard it is, it feels like a constant nightmare being on edge. Try to open up to people, even if sometimes you don't feel like it. Seek support from counseling. It may help you, you may find it might not be for you. Take each day at a time, and be kind to yourself.