I'm really sorry to read about your wife's diagnosis and the impact this has had on you both. It sounds incredibly tough.

I hope her meeting with the oncologist went well the other day. I'm not sure if they have been in touch with you since then but would it be possible to get an Italian-English translator to help with communication? Just so you can find out what you need to know and prepare for when she's able to come home.

I really hope you hear back from others who have been in this difficult position soon but if you have any questions that our cancer nurses may be able to help with then do feel free to post a question in their area of the forum. I'll provide a link to it just here.

In the meantime be kind to yourself and if you can, just try to take things a day at a time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

I saw the oncologists yesterday and the cancer has recurred in her lungs as well so she is definitely on short time, they are trying to arrange hospice care (where I could stay with her)

They have said they will do all in their power to get her home by the end of this week, I'm now prepared and waiting.

I've spent quite a bit of our time together "looking after her" (Heart problems, thyroid issues,cancer) and now I have this awful self centered feeling that if she's not there what life is there for me? My usefelness stripped away and the things we planned to do just empty activities for one. Now I'm bleating, I know this is likely the grieving process and fear and anger.

But again someone here has popped up (you!) to give me comfort and for that I am so very grateful.

Hi mccmcc,

I hope you're able to find out more soon about the arrangement of hospice care. It's good to hear you're ready and no doubt you will be a great help to her, as it sounds like you have been so far.

The thoughts and the emotions may well be a form of grieving or coming to terms with the situation. For now try to do what you can and keep looking after yourself too. There will be difficult times ahead I'm sure, but take things one moment at a time and remember there is always support available, including from us here on this forum.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi,

None of us are tough guys under these circumstances, all we can do is keep our act together and do our best. Anticipatory grieving is a reality for so many people. 

I'm rubbish at online support, but on a practical level why not just buy her a cheap phone and just set it up with no password or a simple easy to remember one?

You will surprise yourself when she comes home, you'll be too busy to worry about things too much.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Mccmcc

Really sorry that you find yourself here. I can't begin to imagine how awful things are for you at present - my eyes filled with tears reading about how your girl is unwell and how you are apart from her. 
 

Hospice sounds like a great plan, so you can look forward to some quality days together. Your girl may well be a great deal more comfortable with you in a cozy hospice environment and so may be able to eat better (or they will be able to ensure she's getting what she needs). 
 

I say...don't worry about how you're feeling from one minute to the next...just go with whatever comes up. And you're not being self-centred either. 
 

If you're feeling up to it, let us know how you and your partner are doing. 
Take care xxx 

Thanks Dave, I understand the sentiment but sadly she seems to have lost the ability to do simple tasks and of course I can't get into the hospital to help her.

But many thanks for the response.

Thank you citygirl.

Life can be tough and what we are experiencing on the "Tough-o-meter" is likely nowhere near the top, Covid19 isolation makes it worse but again theres a million others going through the same if not worse.

Once she's home I know things will be better for both of us and I can then take care of her.

Again many thanks.

Thank you Ben

This place although can cause me acute pain, gives oodles of comfort as well to know comparative strangers take the time to offer help and support.

Thank you

Hi mccmcc

Just nipped on to say: thinking about you. And hope you're both bearing up ok. Has there been any news today on your partner coming home or hospice? xx 

Carla died today, I was summoned to the hospital about 6 days ago and I was screened and allowed to stay with her, the cancer had grown very quickly and she went into a coma two days ago, I stayed with her and was there when she died, now im back home and reality is doing its besy to crush me completely