Hi Diana, your mums diagnoses and story sound very similar to my mums and the way your mum is in denial my mum is the same. She wanted to live so badly and watch us grow and recover from this horrible illness. At the beginning she would read cancer stories and watch cancer patients all over the world on YouTube it gave her great comfort but I would always leave the room or try and block it out, today I thought to myself is anyone in the hospice going through what we are because when I walk through the corridors, all the nurses/carers are amazing but they look at me with so much pain in there eyes and I felt as if I needed to know we are not alone. We are in the last days and have been staying in the hospice for 5 days/nights haven't left her side since. The doctors told us she would die on Monday night, she is still here in a deep sleep but she is responding and she will say things randomly.. she is also suffering from cervical cancer that has metasesised to her lungs, liver,abdominal lining,pelvic bone and the tumour is growing in a abnormal way around her kidneys so she's had so many operations to treat her kidneys and also had a fistula problem from bracky therapy which she nearly died from back in November2020 and they put neophrostomys in which gave her extra time, and they also saw a spot in her head last week which they are not sure if it is cancer or not but by the way she changed with in 24 hours it most likely is. Last week we were planning which day she was coming home and I was moving into her house with my 2 kids to look after her and then 24 hours later they told us she is dying and will probably die that night(monday) we only found out in May 2020. My mum is 43 years old and I am 23 years old I also have a sister that is 21 and my kids are 5 and 2 who absoloutley adore her. This is the worst thing anyone can go through. Me and my sister are the same we don't speak to our dad it's always been us 3 and then when I had my children (2 girls) it was the 5 of us and my aunty came onboard to help us when we found out last year. I've been looking for people who are going through the same thing as us because we are living in this hospice and I don't think I will ever be able to get over watching her slowly fade but after reading your story, I want to let you know you are not alone be strong and talk to her about anything you have ever wanted to say, kiss, hug, laugh and as she is in denial keep her strong and talk about those walks she wants to do with you, my mums gone into a sort of coma but she's still there when she responds or even the smallest things, like just now she had a massive sip of ribena and that's the most she's had in weeks as she has a blockage in her bowel aswell and she was being violently sick until they gave her steroids and it's still giving me hope I keep talking about all the stuff I've just moved into her house and that we need her to wake up to help us sort it all out. The only thing we have right now is hope so stay positive miracles can happen! Xxxxxxxx 

[@kms1977]‍ , thank you for your kind message! I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation, especially at such a young age.I am 30 and my mom was 56 last year when she was diagnosed and she suffered because she seemed to be the youngest in her village's hospital dealing with this and could not comprehend why it happened now and not later.

Sounds like you and your mother also share a special bond, which is making this so difficult.I can relate to all you are saying and the spread sounds pretty similar to my mom‍'s - her cancer also started blocking her kidneys and colon but maybe it is fortunate that this happened towards the end so they will not try to give her any surgery, they hope the palliative radiotherapy will shrink it just enough to not cause her major problems before she dies. I just visited her today and she was still throwing up despite her 5 days radiantion ended on Wednesday.She was awake and starring at the ceiling - she kept asking why is she not getting better. But apart from that she did not want to talk much, we just ended staying there silently for a few minutes before she wanted us to leave as she says she wants peace. The brain tumours grew as well probably as she could not open the phone because she forgot her pin number so we had to deactivate it today.But even so she said she does not feel like talking to anyone,which worries me.

We are now waiting for a bed in a hospice but sounds like they are all taken , I just hope she won't die in the hospital as she does not get the palliative care she needs and we are also restricted from visiting her for too long.

I hope you are also staying positive and glad to hear your children and sister are there with you,it helps to have your dearest people next to you at these times.It's my main struggle, I wished I had some siblings as well to go through this together and support each other ,but I am an only child.But I am sure everything has a meaning in life and time will heal us eventually.

Diana

Hi Diana

I came to the sight as I have been feeling helpless on helping my mum. She was diagnosed in 2015 with a rare cancer in the womb. At the time it was stage 1. She had a radical hysterectomy after which she was told she was free from cancer. We felt like we were the lucky ones. She continued to have regular scans which came back clear. In 2019 mum complained of having a lot of indegestion, she went to hospital for checks at which point they discovered blood clots on the lungs. She was immediately put on blood thinning injections. She had a CT scan which came back with our worst fear, she had cancer of the omentum which was metastatic. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer which was a massive shock as all her scans which had only been focused on the womb had come back clear. It was gut wrenching. She started chemo just as we went into lock down which in its self almost killed her. Mum had a perforated bowell which they said she could only treat with antibiotics in July 2020. Thank goodness she pulled through. Doctors told us there were no more treatments they could offer as her cancer is rare and creates a mucus which prevents treatments. Fast forward to the present mum has been struggling with breathlessness as the tumours are huge inside her abdomen. She is on oxygen and has extreme fatigue, sickness, pain and struggling to eat. I am broken and to make it worse I can't be in the ward with her as there is only one visitor for 1 hr. My mum completely has her marbles and watching her in distress is just breaking my heart. I keep hoping tomorrow will be a good day but in the last week she has just really declined in her health. I am so sorry to read what you are going through too. I just barely no how to switch my mind off from the sadness. I am strong for mum but just feel so helpless. 

Hi [@Veronica.p]‍ 

I am sorry you have to go through this! I understand exactly what you are saying.It is the same for us ,we can only visit her 2 persons for 1 hour.And I am feeling a bit guilty about it, but somehow I do not mind as much because seeing her like this is so hard, don't know how I would have been able to cope if she was at home.Even yesterday when we went she said she lost her strength , she fell down from the edge of the bed and she now cannot pick up the phone because it's very heavy.Despite seeing all this she still says we need to buy her soup for when she will come home in 1 2 weeks, when she will feel better.She does not seem to understand at all that this is it , even with doctors trying to tell her that.It breaks my heart when she says she will come back home or that she will feel better,because I know it's not true...

I am like you, trying to take it one day at a time and see what today brings..but it's getting more difficult every day.

Thank you

Diana

Hi Diana 

sorry I did not reply to your post, my mum passed away the day after I sent you the message, she died on the 17th April.. im still trying to make sense of things as she was supposed to be coming home with us. But the only thing keeping me going is knowing she isn't suffering with the agonising pain from all of the cancer/problems it brings, life is so hard with out my mum right now every little thing reminds me of her, I miss her so much and wish I could hold her one last time I keep thinking why her or why now? Why not in 40 years time when we have both lived our life's and she has watched me and my kids grow..and I'm still googling things about her cancer as if I can save her. I don't think I will ever over come this but I hope time will give me ease.I really hope you and your mum are well and you are able to visit her now for longer. Look forward to hearing from you take care x 

Hi [@kms1977]‍ ,

I am so sorry to hear that, my sincere condolences ! I cannot say I fully understand how you feel yet, as my mother is still around. She is really stubborn,it's been almost 5 weeks now since I was told she only has a few weeks to live. They found her a place at an hospice- she is vomiting daily so they need to look after her more than an usual case. She became very agitated and aggressive at some point , to the point where she pushed me into the nurses one day. So they started giving her Ativan to calm her down a bit.Since then, she just ended up sleeping 20 out of 24 hours and also hallucinating. To the point where she wanted to get off and go to a supermarket when she had been bed bound for 5 weeks - she fell twice because of her balance. We just came back from her and today she was more clam and loving than usually,but still very sleepy and vomited a few times. As much as I love her , I kind of wish it was over - they managed to get her pain under control for now with palliative radiotherapy but apparently that only lasts for 2 months and she's approaching them, I just want her suffering to end...But then also terrified of how she will die and how I will cope after.

I don't think we are ever ready to deal with something like this and despite what people say you can never just move on, it's not like we can replace our mother, but I hope we can learn to adapt to the new reality and I am sure time will help. Be strong ! And I am here if you need to talk with someone  :)

Thanks!

Diana

Hello [@kms1977]‍ 

I'm so sorry to read the news of your mum, I can only imagine how difficult this is, and I'm sending you a huge amount of love and strength for the coming days, weeks and months. I miss my mum so so so much, but I know, as cliche as it sounds, she's still close by. She reminds me everyday in a small way. I hope you find some comfort in this.

[@Ghilgames_Diana]‍ I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your mum, I understand how difficult the constant up and downs are, especially when you have been given a prognosis and told someone you love will only be with you for a few short weeks. I'm glad your mum is getting the help she so truly deserves and that allows you to spend the time with her. When my mum was in a hospice a few months ago, I remember seeing her in such a huge amount of pain and then getting very distressed, I almost wanted her to go to sleep so she was at peace. It just shows how selfless you are that putting your mum before yourself and how you will continue without her. I'm sending you a lot of love, no one can prepare you for coping and dealing with this, but one thing I was told, was your mum will leave you all her strength, and this is very true. She will. If you have any questions or just want someone to vent to, I'm here. Sending you a lot of love at this time, and I will be thinking of you. Xxxxx

Hi [@Newlife101]‍ ,

Thank you for your message! Just went through your posts and I see you were in March exactly where I am now. Including the friends not knowing how to react , they either ignore me or say things like ' Oh, she's dying now? Well that was expected, right?' ...which I am sure they don't understand that it is hurtful to put it like that, but hard to find a person to speak with about this...even my ex- partner broke up with me because the situation was too much for him since I am away in Belgium most of the time to look after my mom ( I live in London) and apparently I am too moody since my mom has been diagnosed.I came to terms that no one can actually understand what I am feeling unless they have also been through this. I wish there was some sort of support group in London for people loosing their parents too early.

That aside, we just came back from my mom, she could barely stay awake today.She managed to for less than 2 hours and then she sent us away so she can sleep more, looks like with every day she is sleeping more and more and based on what I have read on other's posts ,it makes me think she will go into a comatose state where we won't be able to wake her up anymore and that's a bit scary. I just hope for it to happen quickly, it is sooo difficult to see her so weak and sick every day.

Thank you

Diana 

[@Ghilgames_Diana]‍  I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's so tough, I know. I will private message you XXXX

Hi [@Newlife101]‍  [@Ghilgames_Diana]‍ 

thank you for your message it means a lot and sorry I'm responding so late.. I'm having good and bad days and I'm also living in my mums home I moved in a week before she died and had prepared to look after her there once she came out of the hospice but she never did. 
I came in here today because I'm having a bad day every morning I wake up thinking of my mum and of when she died and the days before. My life is at a stand still at the moment and I don't really know what to do with it, I had plans of going to do a nursing course in September I've even tried to change my job recently but I'm just not motivated part of me wants to give up I just don't want to feel like this anymore, me and my partner haven't spoken since may because I feel as if he isn't supporting me in the way I need it so i told him not to speak to me, he's in prison so it's hard to have that support but I feel like he put him self there and in raising our girls by myself and had the worst thing happen that could ever probably happen to anyone. It's really hard I'm trying to be strong for my kids my sister and my grandma. 
@Newlife101 how are you coping? And how did you deal with the months after? 
Diana I hope your well and how is everything now with your mum? 
look forward to hearing from you both x