hi

I've been taking Tamoxifen for 8 weeks.Aside from the night sweats which are horrible and the hot flushes mood swings are something I'm really suffering with.

It doesn't take much and I fly off the handle.I feel terrible because it's my kids that get the brunt of it.Seems I'm not very patient any longer!? 

I was hoping it would settle down? 

perhaps we should ask next time we see oncologist? But I'm sure it's just another thing to put up with...

Ness x 

Hi Ness, 

Sad to hear you too are suffering ( reassuring to know I'm not alone though)  I know the night sweats are ridiculous sometimes, not looking forward to winter and central heating, sure there will be a thermostat battle between me and my partner and me opening a sneaky window.  

Will let you know if I get any info/reassurance from my Dr next time I see them

(Your little one is v cute :) )

Take Care 

Michelle x

Hi Chelle and Ness,

I do smypathise with both of you. I had two years on hormone therapy for prostate cancer and am with what you say about hot flushes and night sweats. It often used to wake me up. I ended up having a competition with my wife to see who could have the most and I was way out in front both for the amount and also the severity.

Allthough I suffered from mood swings, I never did get angry but I did used to find when I heard somthing sad or even somthing good, I often used to have tears running down my face which as a man I found very hard as I had no control over it. One night I thought my wife was in the kichen and there was some thing on the tele about this animal of a father who helped by his wife had tried to rape his 18 month old daughter. The tears just ran down my face when suddenly my wife who had come in the room behind me said "Are yoiu crying"? There is a song with the title, Grown men dont cry so for a man its very embarassing.

The way I had to look at it was that the hormone therapy worked very well for me and coupled with the radiotherapy has enabled me to make a very good recovery so I just had to put up with it.

I wish you both well and hope the treatment works as well for you as it did for me.

Sending best wishes and kind thoughts your way, Brian.

hi Michelle. 

Thanks..I have to agree with you my little lady is beautiful but then I am biased.

I had to laugh at your forthcoming battle with the thermostat Very Funny! Not sure it will be the same for me..my husband is so hot blooded I ant even snuggle up to him in bed without having to throw the covers off.

I can't really complain though..idon't put up with a lot worse than mood swings just to be here with my husband and watch our children grow up

hope your well 

Ness x 

HI ladies, not been on for a  bit still going through Rads 2 left next week ! absoutly knackered isn't the word. I had started onTamoxifen before the rads as delayed by a month as they changed their minds to the type of radio T i was going to have  ON THE DAY that put it off a month, but i will say as soon as i started taking them ( and i looked at the script for a week before I got it) i cried.... I did not want to take them and still dont for 10 years ! I did get v bad headaches for 4 days solid on the tamoxifen, I have had to stop them for the Radiation at present.

I have to keep telling myself they are simply hormonal pills as if i was taking the contreception one as i did for almost 15 years. i am allready having the hot sweats from peri meno ! unbarable and embarrasing to say the least and hot sweats at night windows open. I thank god i have no boyfriend as I would be so embarrased being a sweating mess at age 45.! dating now seems out of the question incase it happens during a date ! imagaine sat there chatting one min nxt a sweating red mess, sweat dripping down your back !

I have been put forward for aqupuncture which im willing to try but they want me to do it in the hosp where i have been recieving my Radio T and its a 32 round mile trip ! so not keen on going down there again once i finish Tue. Surly my local hosp can do something ? if they are offering me 6 sessions just let me have it private here and use a voucher or something. No way i can pay private for it!

I can't live with these hot flushes something has to be given, I am acutally looking forward to the winter ! 

SUZIE 

Chelle I go back on my Tamoxifen after now ( 10 years!!) after completing the radio T for 3 weeks. I cried on the day I had to take it again, I had been on it only 3 weeks prior then told to stop for radio T. First time taking it most horendious head aches but nothing atm but then its only been 2 days !

I feel we can blame the drugs or it might just be struggling living with the fear of cancer returning. Thats where I am atm. I feel like all my friends are busy enjoying themselves having a life with new partners etc ( sex life ! god whats that !!)  and i feel like im on a bubble on the outside looking in. My moods have been terrible since i was told the bomb shell 6 months ago and I get into real rages over stupid things. I think its just the stress of everything.

I feel like I want to put this whole Breast cancer thing in the back of my mind but I feel as if i have to live with it for the rest of my life. Mostly fear. I am not one of these " fihghters" who wants to run a marathon or shout it from the roof tops of Facebook ! infact i got really *** off when my ex hubband told me a plumber guy locally who i cant stand and his gf  RANG HIM UP to see if the rumor was true about me ! I hate people talking behind my back. Omg is it terminal, poor kids, did she loose her breast.  NO luckly at present its not terminal and i had a lumpectomy and radiation which im struggling with atm. they tell you at the end it will contuine to be in pain for 2 weeks AFTER  the treatment and it can last weeks or months ! great! 

I have a lovely dog who cheers me up no end. when im feeling moody we head off to the park or woods or i get the hose pipe on him which he loves. I just need little burts of happiness in my life to remind me how lucky i am. But totally understand when it comes to moods you literly cannot help it and can see yourself being like it.

PS when i get moody I have a new place down my lane, i take my fone and a cuppa tea and I walk out of the house away from the kids and dog !

Suzie. x

HI Ness, Just back from a lush walk with my dog, have lots of open space here and woods and fields so glad i can just walk out the door with my doggie handbag i call it, armed with fone, poo bags lol drinks for me and my dog and just chill the F*** out lol. I only came home because my daughter was on way home.

My personel life has been pretty much non excisitant before B/c for last 5 years so nothing new here. In a way i feel by not being still  married or in a relationship i have not had that added pressure to get  back on the horse so to speak ! On the other hand now I am past the surgery and radio T even thou its only been a few days since Radio T ended i am knackered but im bloody out sat night ! I wana feel a bit normal for a few hours. In the back of my mind I will be worrying about drinking or NOT DRINKING then seeming boring compared to my friends or quiet and introverted.

I have found the sweats embarrasing but as i said I am perrimeno for a year and half so i cant blame it on the Tamoxifen ( yet) I hope they dont make it worst I am boiling from the inside out how can anyone live like this ? I am going around in a nightie at home I cant bear to wear clothes ! unless v light weight and when i do i am a bag of sweat come home straight in the shower cos i think im going to smell of BO !

I really hope I don't get the aches. Im 45 I love my walking and gardening. But i already feel my energy levels wont be as they was. God a few years ago id be lifting heavy stones in the garden, I went to the gym !

I am seeing the breast care nurse oct 5th and I think shes refering me to a counciller... Might help. I feel sometimes family and friends dont really want to hear it. its like ohh you will be fine ! and I think no actually im not fine !

Are you still with your husband ? We split up 8 years ago and I have to say its been hard especially not having a new guy all that time and hes obv had someone. It was quite a shock that he never offered one lift to hospital. one pick up after the infection. I went into surgery with my mum and son but woke up alone... He never asked me about one session of radio T even thought i talked to him about it. Its like the last 20 years ment nothing he simply switched off all feeling or care- that hurt big time. I cheered myself up occasionally over the last 6 months by buying something with his money haha. Went to a pub once and said to my friend cheers and said it was on him. its silly and little but it made us laugh. 

Dont even start me on my sister who couldnt wait for me to recover from RADIATION and proceeded to book a holiday to EGYPT with my MUM ( danger zone or what)  When it was supose to be me and the kids and mum then I invited my sister.

We will go away as I said to my mum but im just not ready, im in pain im knackered Im an emotional wreck and i want to enjoy a holiday not feel crap and weak

SOOO  as a look at me a F  off to my sister I am going on a bloody caribean cruise! with my kids and mum for 10 days in Nov. ( hopefully) had to avoid daughters bloody music concerts she would not miss them ! Not booked yet but i am going thats it ! lol

Sorry for the rant !

Why are some friends and family soooo selfish ? they have what we thought we had untill  "C" hit us.

their health..... when i look back now My mum used to toast to  health and happiness, I never really knew what it ment till now, unless you have health I dont think you can be truly happy.

All the well meaning words of encourangement from Nurses and Family and Friends " You be ok" " you can beat this" " your cancer free" " you caught it early " falls on deaf ears to me ( at the moment) I am still terrifed of whats going on inside my body I cant see and a yearly mammogram seems too long inbetween to be monitored ! 

Oh god gtg Hot flush ! On goes the fan in the kitchen ! ( good job ex still pays the leccie !) lol

Keep strong and all that S h i t lol

Suzie xx

Suzie

Thanks for your reply.You really made me giggle,your so frank but completely spot on.Don't you think it's great to talk to like minded people!? Everyone else

they just don't get it do they? 

Which brings me to family and friends AHHHHH I don't know if you feel like I do but I don't feel like anyone really gives a damn.(A few do) mostly though I think I 

could actually be dead now and they won't of noticed.You get a romantic notion that when something like this happens everyone supports you and does lovely things for you everything's taken care of and you only worry about getting better whilst being well looked after.Family nights out,sent out to dinner etc etc...NOPE DIDDLY SQUAT!!

6 months of chemo a 12,7 & 2 year old and I had to drag myself around doing everything I did before I got the diagnosis.

I still wonder when I'm being sent away for my congratulations 'trip' to relax and rejuvenate.I won't hold my breath.I sound like a cow I know but I'm slightly bitter.

I feel the same regarding my emotions it's hard to cope with the possibility of it coming back..but I have to as hard as it's been my kids keep me going.

Yes I'm still with the husband.How I don't know? Because he didn't support me at all.I don't want to paint him in a bad light because he's an amazing husband always has been and now that it's all over...ahem..he is again.

But the part where I needed him...let me tell you I've no idea how we are still married..and part of that is because he constantly told me he was going to leave me.I was called lazy...told that having a mastectomy was the easy part!! That he hated my work ethic and I should of worked through chemo...told me I didn't do enough for the family...shouted at the kids 24/7 called us names.... it was utter hell..

I'm convinced he had PTSD..because that was NOT my husband.He has always treated me like a princess.Imagine being terrified you were going to die and leave 3 kids without a mum and being told to shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself that it's not that bad and I was liking the attention. 

I really really wish I could meet up with ladies like myself.like a fortnightly or monthly night out.There just isn't the support groups out there.

I'm still terrified of my body too I hope in time I can trust it again.It's still very early days and I suppose we must be kind to ourselfs give it time and all that. 

I've written my kids letters though you know incase...it helped a little.Think cancer has made me kinda out spoken too nothing really gazes me now.And I say what I think a little too much.

Keep walking that dog it's all very healthy and good for you.

Take care of yourself 

Ness xxx

Hey Ness Great reply but I want to re read it tomorrow and reply when im not knackered. Really need my bed now 11pm. Out tomorrow night- feeling v nervous, 2 girls are single ones ultra confident as in a relationship and other single and stunning.

I feel the " The cancer friend" ...........

I am feeling so *** about myself I am actually considering not going out and staying in with my dog. Lets celebrate the Radio T over my friend said.  Its not over, far from it. I will be too worried to drink too much and on pain killers.

I have a hot date with a sleeping pill now.

Goodnight for now x