Hi Teresa,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I cant comprehend my mum has gone either and I spend all day every day thinking she is watching tv in the living room or may have popped to the shops and be back soon.

I have her ashes in her bedroom, but they are just a box, they arent her.

My mum died suddenly on the 14th june, to say I am shocked is an understatement. Although she was 74 she was so young acting and apparently healthy. She never even caught a cold when the rest of the household were poorly.

Mum didnt have cancer, she suffered a major brain haemorrhage and I dont know why. I guess she was simply unlucky like your Danny.

My dad also died suddenly 21 years ago and mum and I just got on with it. Now she is  also gone I can't imagine ever being happy again.

How do you go on? I guess you just have to but dont put pressure on yourself to achieve this quickly. I have cried every day for nearly 3 months.

I take hour by hour then day by day and somehow 12 weeks have passed. I'm not ready yet to smile at happy memories of her as I'm still too bitter that she was taken. 

What has helped me is avoiding alcohol, exercising every day, taking long walks and giving lots of love to my partner and daughter.

Cheryl x

Terasa 

 I’m so sorry to hear about Danny. 

 My heart goes out to you. Nothing anyone can say will make any difference to how you feel now So please just take whatever time you need to grieve. It’s important that you look after yourself. No matter how difficult it is you must try and eat, get plenty of fresh air and exercise and keep breathing. Don’t look too far ahead just take every minute and hour at a time. I can offer you some comfort in knowing that eventually, in your own time, you will start to learn to live again. I promise you.

take care

xx 

Thankyou for your kind words. Today has been unbearable. The constant yearning feeling in the pit of my stomach is torture. 

xx

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. This feeling of grief that we both share is torture. 

Todayhas been a really bad day for me. I guess for us both it is 1 day at a time. 

I wish you love and warmth 

xx

Honey, I empathise with you so much,  The early days are so, so raw.  It's like nothing you have ever felt before, or will ever feel again.  The pain is unbearable.  BUT you must keep going, to do otherwise is to throw life away.  You have a tough, tough task ahead of you.  You are living for two now (that's what my darling said to me before he died).  You have what Danny (and Steve) wanted.... life, so live it in Danny's honour.  I know you don't want it at the moment, you probably want to curl up and just "stop".  Well that's one option isn't it?  But then cancer has taken 2 victims. Please believe me whilst you will NEVER get over it, eventually you will soften into grief and it becomes part of your being.  I am nearly 10 months a widow.  I still cry every day, I miss Steve more today than I did in the early days.... nothing is easy, decisions I used to make in a heartbeat become the most ridiculous puzzles now and I wander round talking to the clouds, the trees.... I even talk to his old teddy.  But I know I am much better than I was.  It is all part of the healing process.  i will never be "fixed" or "healed".... nor would I want to be, but I believe that our love will get me through this.  Every tear I cry is a testament to the love we shared and is a link to Steve. I would never want to give that up but it's not easy and I am so so sorry you are going through this.

Please take care and believe that life will get better.  

xx

Hello SusanRuth, Terasa, C1971,

I am so sorry to hear of the awful times you are going through. 

Susan your prvious post sums it up so well and better than I could ever have said. I lost my lovely Lesley in June 2018 and this is just the most horrible period in my life. I don't think I started greiving until January this year. Somehow you have to get through this devastating time and you will, you probably think there isn't any light at the end of the tunnel. I have never cried so much, and in a way I don't want to lose the pain that I feel, as it would mean I would be "losing" her.

I wish all of you the best, and please stay strong. 

Chris x

 Hi Chris 

 I am so sorry to hear of the death of Lesley.  I completely empathise with you.  I do hope you are getting stronger, feeling the sunshine and the possibility of a different kind of future. I hope now you have started to grieve that you will start to come out of the darkness.  I think I have been grieving for Steve since the day he was diagnosed – 25th August 2017.  He was given an 8% survival chance so we knew the odds were stacked very highly against us. I can count on one hand the amount of days between then and now that I haven’t shed tears.  I am so sad for him and everything that he is missing out on. We had a lovely, loving marriage. We adored each other. No children by choice and were looking forward to our retirement. We had saved all our working lives for it.  What is it they say? “men make plans and the Gods laugh“.  How true ️

 Good luck  and much courage Chris 

Ruth x

Hi Ruth,

I agree with you the whole period from 5th May 2017 till she passed away in 10th June 2018 and even until now just seems a blur. Lesley suffered for 13 months when she was promised an operation, she had bile duct cancer but due to procedures and her physical strength they wouldn't operate. Lesley did have chemo but it didn't have any effect. After Lesley had chemo in February 2018 she had her birthday with lots of friends she did look brilliant and looked so well. In May she began to go downhill rapidly tragically.

I think you have sort of gone through the same cruel time as me. Like you I cry so much but there is comfort in crying. It is the missing that gets me. But in all these emotions I do not feel sorry myself, and I never will do. I just feel sorry for Lesley. I read the following on the internet:

Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.

I wish you all the best in your future. You can PM me if you wish.

Chris x

Hello you lovely lady,

your words are the first I have heard in 6 weeks that I can connect with. You know exactly how I am feeling. It is so painful. I do want to just curl up, stop and be with my darling but I have the most wonderful son, daughter in law and grandson that I must try and keep going for! They are hurting as well. It is the loneliness at night which is the worst. Having to sleep on my own. The nights feel so long.

i keep reading your post over and over and it gives me hope. I trust what you are telling me. Thankyou so so much for taking the time to chat. 

Sending love and warmth to you

Terasa 

 Hello my love, you are most welcome, anything I can do to help and support you I will do. I’m going to send you a friend request and we can take this “off-line“

 In the meantime keep believing in your strength and know that  with every minute that goes by you are coping – In whatever form that takes for you. Xxx