I had a mole on my neck remove just over 4 years ago which turned out to be be melanoma. I had a wide excision and lymph node removal.  A year later I had another primary melanoma on my leg which again was removed but there was no lymph node removal.

For the last couple of years I have suffered with anxiety and low mood and basically not feeling myself. I continuously went to my doctors and was told it was depression and then I was told It was the menopause. 

 I found myself becoming more and more detached from family and friends and just felt odd. I knew something was wrong but just couldn’t work out what.

Anyhow, a couple of month ago my husband, son and I had returned from holiday which was a disaster because of my mood plus the fact I had felt so unwell. 

I continued to feel unwell with a strange headache, nausea and just an odd feeling for a few more days until I decided to go to the walk in centre all of a sudden one Sunday evening. 

I rapidly declined when discussing my symptoms to the doctor and the next thing I know I’m being rushed to hospital and undergoing brain surgery due to them finding a tumor after doing a ct scan.

The next few weeks are a complete blur. I had a severe reaction to the steroids I was given and became psychotic. I ended up being like this for a number of weeks but eventually recovered enough to go home. 

I was informed that my melanoma had spread to my brain and lungs and that I had approx 12 months to live. 

I was offered gamma knife in a private hospital in London  which I had just over three weeks ago in order to extend my prognosis. 

I unfortunately had yet more problems and was rushed back into hospital the day after. I had suffered a mini seizure and lost all feeling in my body particularly my right hand side. I also had no balance or coordination at all. I couldn’t even sit up without falling to the side. 

I honestly didn’t think I would ever get home but I have. I am still struggling With my mobility but am now out of a wheel chair and only using a walking stick when I venture out. 

I have been put on medication for seizures and depression. 

I am struggling so much at the moment. I can’t accept that I’m going to die soon. I have been offered immunotherapy but have turned it down at the moment because it just seem all too scary. I have gone through so much the last few months and the thought of more treatment fills me with absolute fear. 

Every day now is torture, I cry most days, I am overwhelmed with everything. I can’t accept that I won’t spend my old age with my husband, I won’t see my son grow up, I won’t fulfil all the things I still want to do.....my heart is just broken.