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Melanie

angela.d
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I have blood cancer and have been fighting this cancer since 2011.  I relapsed 6 months ago and have been on chemotherapy and immunotherapy for the last 7 months.  I then contracted cancer related pnemonia and was admitted into hospital. 

Back in 2011 my friend passed away from lung cancer and I offered an olive branch to her husband who was lost without her.  This was not a romantic relationship due to a big age gap. 

He has two sons from his marriage and this is where the problem stems from.

In the beginning I thought they the sons were fine with me but more recently they pulled away, well the eldest son.  He has two children she 5 and 2.  the 5 year old has problems, developmentally and social services became involved in her care.  When this kicked off the eldest son didn’t want anything to do with me!!! To this day I don’t know the reason.  I had a very  good telationshipwith both their children.

i have a lovely daughter she 20 at uni and we have a lovely relationship.

And now the sons have pressured him to chose

So this Christmas, I felt very poorly being on chemo but I went shopping. Dragged myself around the shops doing his shopping for his boys. 

Then a phone call on Xmas eve with his boys cancelling Christmas.  Unbelievable. 

Still no reason given.  

Bye the way his eldest son was is in education and the other in the police.

The next thing I get is a visit from the Police ask me if I would go to the station for an interview.  By now hear in mind I could hardly get out of bed and was advised by oncology and my Macmillan nurse that I didn’t need any stress in my life.

i couldn’t believe it, they were trying to imply that I was using my cancer to coerce money from my friend!!! I am today still having trouble dealing with such an accusation.  I am disgusted on many levels 

how could anyone do this to someone who was so poorly and kick them when they’e form. Hateful is all I can think.

And even worse, the sons have pressured him to end our friendship which he has done. 

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    What a hurtful situation you find yourself in, unfortunately as they say blood is thicker than water and it was obvious he would side with his family.  I have been through this twice due to parents marrying again and other children being involved, even though they were adults they behaved like children when it came to money and relationships.   Put aside the hurt you have enough to contend with,  and so does he. My step siblings tried to challenge the Will, so I know what you mean about coping with difficult situations. Take care of you, let the anger go, it's not you at fault it's them,  take care. 

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    Hi Angela. Just reading your post really feel for you. So very hurtful but you need to concentrate on getting yourself stronger and well again. Try and put it behind you. They are not worth your care. I am just about to begin Chemo treatment for my blood cancer . It's a scary time and hope we both get through this awful journey . Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs xxx

  • Offline in reply to gloden

    Thank you so much for your kind and supportive comments.

    thinking of you going through chemo.  Be strong x

  • Offline in reply to gloden

    Thank you for your kind and supportive comments.

    it means a lot. X 

  • Offline in reply to angela.d

    Hi Angela. Thank you. Im not very brave but trying to stay strong. My IBS has kicked in to as if I haven't got enough going on. Hoping you are starting to feel better and sending lots of hugs xxx

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    Angela,

    It seems a pity that you can no longer have this innocent carer relationship with your friend's husband.  It is difficult for you as an outsider to be accepted and I suppose the family's suspicion is understandable if hurtful.  It is an unknown and possibly dangerous situation when they have chosen to involve the police and I think it would be better for you to walk away especially if you feel there was no deeper feeling between you and him other than as a helping friend.

    It must hurt you a lot especially with your health issues.  Concentrate on your own cancer treatment and the excellent relationship with your daughter.  And don't let the the memory of your departed friend be diminished by these events.

    Maybe a little note to your friend explaining why you no longer are able to see him would not go wrong. I suspect he is being fed a lot of false information by his sons

    I hope you are responding well to treatment.

    David

    PS is Melanie your daughter

  • Offline in reply to gloden

    Your comments mean so very much to me.

    thank you thank you 

    please stay in touch 

  • Offline in reply to gloden

    Your support is so helpful.

    can we stay in touch please

     

  • Offline in reply to gloden

    Thank you  

    please can we stay in touch 

  • Offline in reply to angela.d

    Hi Angela. How are you doing today. Hope you are ok. I've got to go for Pet scan at Stoke tomorrow and then Tuesday I start my Chemo. Getting really uptight and frightened now but trying to stay strong. It's the unknown I think. Maybe I'll be better after the first one. Hope so. How is your treatment going? Lots of hugs xxx

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