I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer 6 weeks ago. I have gone from my initial appointment at the breast clinic 8 weeks ago being told it was nothing to worry about, but they took a biopsy to be safe. Then to be told two weeks later it was TNBC that had spread to two lymph nodes, but easily treatable with chemo, a lumpectomy and then radiotherapy as part of the partner trial. I went for all the scans and ct’s which showed no further spread to organs. Then I saw the oncology consultant who sent me for a brain scan as I had a weak arm and tingling. I had a call from him last Tuesday to tell me that there was no spread to the brain, but things have changed. 

I was asked to see him last Thursday for him to tell me that there is too much lymph node involvement. The cancer has grown at a much faster rate than they anticipated. The nodes in my chest, armpit and collarbone are all effected now and the treatment plan is now for management of the cancer rather than cure, with the hope of remission. We are waiting for tissue sample results to come back to see if I can have immunotherapy to run alongside the chemo. 

This is going to sound crazy, but the fact I can feel and see the lymph node involvement is making this so hard. I had bowel cancer 10 years ago (age 29) and that seemed far easier to deal with. I suppose I couldn’t see it, although I had all the symptoms, but things moved much quicker for me then. This time i can see and feel the nodes growing larger and the tumour in my breast has increased in size dramatically over the last two weeks. I just want the treatment to start so i have a chance to stop the  cancer growth. Each day the pain and swelling is increases and trying to hide my discomfort from everyone is getting harder. I am finding I’m snappy to those closest to me and I hate myself for it. 

i just can’t get my head round everything that’s going on and how far the goal posts have moved. I’m trying so hard to keep it together but seem to be failing miserably.