Hi there ...

Your mum is probly scared of loosing him .. and they are both a good age .. so it must be scary for her .. but saying that . ... it's no good you sitting miles away worried sick  and crying ... that won't help anyone .. if I were you I'd take a week up there .. where you will need to be the parent .. do some tuff love and tell your mum that your dad now needs help .. you can't be there 24/ 7 .. but you can get help put in place .. if you call Marie Currie.. and get a refural for your dad .. they help those at the last journey and their families .. then find out about hospices .. he will need one most likely when your mum can't cope .. you can ask McMillan what else there is to help your parents .. that's what I'd want if my cancer takes me ..

So come on ..dry those eyes .. and do your homework on what there is in their area .. you can call them from where you are and explain the situation .. you can do this .. but not if you fall apart .. find that strength from somewhere .. and turn it all around ...  Chrissie x

Yes. I am here now. Got to go back home tomorrow (disabled hubby at home) but back here on Thursday for a few days. Dad is SO ready to die. Just been chatting to him. He is just worried about her because she wont accept the situation. He said 'she thinks I am going to be cured'. Its so sad because it is making everything so much harder. She wont accept any help. But I am going to ring Adult Social services and I will get in touch with Marie Curie as you have suggested. She needs help around the house and it would be a bit company for her too. She is just being so stubborn.  Thank you for your reply. 

Hi Melly J, 

Sorry to heard you are passing too such distresfull situation. Your mom is denying what is a really common human strategy used when we are living traumatic situations. She probably can't imagine herself living without your father and all this time looking for the cure...she had a focus...it's not easy accept the treatments can't cure after so much pain and effort. Your dad dying is making her facing the finitude for both....he may be accepting because probably he tired of pain and this kind of life, but for her, he stills mean her life. Maybe for her accepting may mean she is giving up or he is giving up; or she may believe that accept and talk about death may bring faster...This are just assumptions, but may be important to understand with her what are exacly the big fear and what are the things that can comfort her...probably the fact your dad will stop suffering and feel loved till now, make her feeling more serene. Knowing that he think he lived a happy life. Maybe you and your father can tell her how valuable she is,

She will need love and support and probably a open talk with you and your dad, all together...maybe even with his medical team.

 Death is a such hard issue, scaring for all of us. And obviously losing someone you love will never be a thing that we could accept easily.

She will probably benefit with some psychological support too.

Keep strong!