my husband was diagnosed with OC in May.  I know that my wellbeing is important, I even train on it to social workers, but to be honest, your loved one's needs take over.  You eat, sleep and drink cancer.  With cancer of the oesphagus there is a lot of management of food. There is so much learning to do, procedures, drugs, timings, hospital visits, chemo, it rules your life.  I know I will take some time to myself at some point of this awful journey but I cannot do it yet. 

Hi anastasia, I know tonid and me arnt really what you want, but i don't have time to relax my wife needs 24 /7 care so she comes first,, I'm sorting carer out to give me a rest now and again, (that takes forever) as tonid says when we get time we have a quick break, for the rest we're to busy,.... Billy 

Morning Anastasia 

Tonid and Billy sum up the difficulties so well. Care and treatment bulldoze their way into your life and do what bulldozers do.... decimate the landscape of your life.

That being said if we step carefully there are remnants of our lives to be found. So.... you too are absolutely correct those little oasis of life need to be nurtured.

what did I do to boost my wellbeing.....

I found this forum and shared my good and bad with others on here. This made me feel less alone.

After each hospital visit ( because I felt well enough)me and  my daughters ( who always came with me) went straight to pub for food....we talked in a neutral hospital free place about how we were all feeling. 3 wks of daily radiotherapy.... didn’t care still went nd stuffed our faces..... and talked:D 

I watched sad movies and cried  my eyes out. Don’t know if it was a stress reliever or what but.... always felt a bit better after.

I started crafting..... Pinterest was my “keep me occupied “ saviour. 

Me moments..... didn’t need to be long didn’t need to be far away from everything just me moments. A sit in the garden with a cuppa. Read a chapter of my book. Glass of wine in garden looking up at stars. Bit of weed pulling in front garden..... the normal day to day chat of the passer bys ( who knew nothing of my cancer so..lovely soul embracing fleeting moments of normality). Family time ️ my family.... ️.

everyone is different as are their circumstances.... these are things I did to nurture my little oasis of life left among the carnage of the cancer bulldozer. 

I hope others find and share theirs ️

Hi Sandra123,

Thanks for sharing! It's really great to hear what your getting up to, and that the forum has been helpful. I like that your hospital visits are also a way of spending time with your daughters, it sounds like you have a great relationship with them.

Any time to relax your mind, no matter how small, is really valuable tonid ‍and billygoat‍.‍ You both do so much so any time to yourself is well deserved.

Anastasia

I totally get what you are saying, as I say I train on wellbeing, I am also a mental health first aider and I work full time in an emotionally draining job.   But as Sandra123 says, cancer is a bulldozer in your life.  As much as you try to get off Planet Cancer you just cannot.  My husband started chemo last week,  (he also has heart failure making it doubly difficult as a heart attack whilst having chemo is a threat).  My mind is taken up with his temperature, his well being, his diet, his tablets, his appointments,injecting him,  running the house and garden now single handedly, worrying about how we will pay the bills and mortgage  and keeping him positive.  I have been referred by my GP for a lung x-ray but that is not happening any time soon (as much as I know I should go)  My number one priority is keeping my husband well as he goes through the most evil of treatments.  Then I might take some time for myself before he has his operation to remove his food gullet and most of his stomach. On top of that my 86 Mum has just been diagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzehimers.  Time for me........ in my dreams.  However, I would say if you can take it, do, our batteries do need recharging.  

Hi Billygoat

I completely understand where you are coming from. I’ve just been diagnosed with early ( thank  god for screening) Breast cancer. I work full time but am currently working from home so I can care for my partner. He’s recovering from a brain injury, has had set back and is in a wheelchair atm. We have no downstairs toilet so it’s all been a bit of a struggle.

Im in the process of arranging Carers for him whilst I’m out of action. He will go stir crazy until I can manage the wheelchair and drive again.

I’ve have bought some really easy  sewing patterns and I might also buy a tapestry kit to keep myself occupied and stay sane! It will be nice to have something I’ve made. I still have th3 cardigan I knitted during the first few days when I quit smoking ! 

I Live in the country so I’ll make the most of that and try to get lots of fresh air when it’s fine.

Ive also been back in touch with a few friends I haven’t seen for a while so I’ll make sure I speak to lots of people whilst I’m not working. 

Best wishes

Jo 

A great question as as I’m laying here not very sleepy, I’ll share some of my tips as a cancer patient:

- #1 is to keep busy with nice things. This includes watching happy movies, hobbies - anything to focus mind/hands/feet, cooking, running, drinking tea brewed in a fresh clean pot

- breathing exercises. Even taking one big deep breath makes a huge difference

- talk to people you can trust

- trust your instinct. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t 

- sleep, lots of sleep whenever you need to. It’s how we heal and repair

- journal, write things down. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare, just simply getting the words out of your head and onto paper/a screen/a tissue, it can be rambling or really just anything to get it out of you. You can then choose to keep it or throw it away

Hi Jo sorry for not replying sooner, have you thought about a commode for downstairs, we have toilet up and down but time it takes to move wife sometimes it's to late there's some nice looking commodes around they look like ordinary chairs apart from the seat coming off I've got one next to the bed and the chair wife sits in, if you want to know where to get it please reply, good luck with your future treatment and hope your husband improves as well. Best wishes for the future. Yours Billy. 

Hi Billy

Thanks for replying.

We have a commode - not a posh one- but it’s fine. I haven’t been able to get carers in but his brother is coming over and I’ve ordered some commode liners . Have you used them? I hope they are easy to use and not too fiddly as his hands aren’t great.

Thanks again

best wishes

Jo 

Hi Jo commode liners have a powder to dry things up so you put it in the bin, never tried them myself Mrs can't move without help so I empty it when needed, I always put a drop of disenfectant, or toilet cleaner in bowl to stop smells a bit it might look strange but not much choice is there, hope the bags work OK for you, best wishes. Billy