Hi Paddy2012.

Im truly sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis, it's a horribly difficult time for you both. 

My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and it was a very nasty form which had attached to the spine and grown around the nerve endings. Unfortunately, if your partner isn't in the best of health already then doctors will likely look at managing symptoms as opposed to anything invasive or surgical intervention. If your partner is quite weak the medical team have to weigh up the risks of all forms of treatment, and how that may affect your partner. For example, my mum was too weak to go through any sort of chemotherapy as it would likely have killed her. They also would not operate as it was too advanced, but they did give her a blast of radiotherapy to slow the growth of the tumour. 

My advice would be to try and get your partner to eat as much as he possibly can and keep his strength up, both physically and psychologically. Whilst you are there for him he will be likely be very aware that you don't understand what having cancer is like, with the greatest respect, and therefore perhaps putting him in touch with a cancer sufferer group or forum might be of some use to help him process this and speak to people who can relate on the subject.

i presume he is on steroids and high dosage pain relief? These are very strong drugs and therefor if you can, try and monitor this and make sure it's being administered properly. My mum took several overdoses by accident and had all sorts of complications. If he has an infection then this can often be quite distressing because the medication, often the opioids (oxycodone, hydrocodone, fentanyl) can cause all kinds of problems with electrolyte levels, resulting in a lot of confusion and seemingly looking as if you've 'lost them' to the cancer. But try not to jump to these conclusions, infections can be cleared up with antibiotics, it's just a shame that the medication being taken can suppress the immune system and leave them open to infections. 

Im very surprised they won't even consider radiotherapy though, that  would give your partner some relief at least, I would contact your oncologist or lung cancer specialist nurse to ask these questions as, after all, you're looking for as good a quality of life as is possible right now. 

I fully appreciate your situation and it's an awful thing to have to face, but sometimes there is no choice. I hope your partner is not suffering too much and you're both coping during this difficult time. 

I wish you both the very best. 

Alan